A Yurble stole my cinnamon roll! Circulation: 117,233,045 Issue: 233 | 31st day of Running, Y8
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

Neopian Conspiracy


by aqua_symph

--------

NEOPIA CENTRAL - We've all heard the rumor about that certain character who will remain nameless *cough* the Petpet Shopkeeper - trying to take over Neopia behind the scenes (and if you haven't heard about it, now you have). But is it true? My research assures me that the answer is yes. Even worse is that unlike Dr. Frank Sloth, she can take over Neopia. I know what you're thinking. She's so innocent. How could she? Well in this article, I've written about all the evidence I've found that supports and proves that my theory is true.

1) Nobody knows her true name. She's known as the Petpet Shopkeeper. Why is that? Seems pretty fishy to me.

2) I went to the Neopian Archives in Neopia Central, and the Grarrl guard made it clear that I could not see any of the files. Hm, seems like the guard was trying to hide something about the Petpet Shopkeeper.

3) She's an Usul. It's a well known fact that Usuls are malevolent and that they can be hidden very easily (the infamous Shadow Usul is a great example).

4) She works in the middle of Neopia Central. Don't you think that's the best place to start taking over Neopia? It's the economic center of Neopia, and it's where (I'm almost certain) Borovan and Donna live.

5) She tries too hard to look innocent. Honestly, have you ever seen any Neopian who looks so suspiciously innocent? I think not! Muahahahaha. Her reverse-psychology will never work on us.

6) The rumor couldn't have just have appeared from thin air, don't you think?

7) She works at a Petpet shop. Petpets are the most loyal of all companions, and it's clear she's brainwashing them to help her take over Neopia.

8) (This one is to support evidence #7) The Petpet shop is regarded as one of the best places to restock. Why is that? I bet it's just to spread as many Petpets she can throughout Neopia.

9) Her neck hair is green. Not just any green, but a shade so close to that of Dr. Frank Sloth's. This proves she has the mark of evil in her.

10) See that flower on he head? It obviously works to attract buzzers. What better than to brainwash every buzzer in Neopia? They're cheap (but remember that all Petpets are created equal), so many have them. Just think to yourselves what flower your buzzer might've been on before being your pet's Petpet.

11) She's been spotted in the Virtupets Space Station several times. Not only is this Dr. Frank Sloth's home space colony, but that place seems to be abundant with mutated Petpets she can use to her advantage...

12) On one occasion several witnesses reported a valid pass to Kreludor's Mine falling out of her pocket. Can we say headquarters for Neopian domination?

13) Her shop is located just across the street from the book shop. Doesn't that seem like a pretty good place to research and plan her Neopian conquest?

14) There are often times when the Petpet shop doesn't restock for a long period of time. Only proof that she's not always there. But where would she go when she claims her life is with Petpets? Seems pretty suspicious to me.

15) I am the Petpet Shopkeeper. MUAHAHAHA! No, just kidding. But it's true, she's out to take over the world...

16) It's a pretty well known fact she was the one who had the idea of constructing the Petpet Lab Ray. What's not known by many is that she did this to bump up the popularity of Petpets!

17) If she was the humble little shopkeeper many think she is, why did she design the Petpet Lab Ray in the first place?

18) Her shop is the shape of a poisonous type of mushroom. Now why would it be a poisonous mushroom if she was as innocent as everybody thinks she is?

There you have it. Proof that the Petpet Shopkeeper is going to take over Neopia. But not to worry! I also have a guide to prevent this from happening. It'll be a difficult task, but if we don't have very many skeptics, it can be done. Also keep in mind that if there are too many skeptics, it will be an extremely difficult task. I warn you about that not to scare you, but so that you will contribute as much as you can!

1) No more using your Petpet Lab Ray. If you don't have one, don't get it! Along with promoting Petpet buying, it also brainwashes them little by little!

2) Buying from the Petpet shop is now a big no-no! All the petpets from there have been recently brainwashed.

3) No restocking from there. I know that we as Neopians are Neopoint hungry, but we can't put a price on the great land of Neopia.

4) If your pet really wants a Petpet (I don't blame your pet), buy it from a user's shop. Do not buy it from the Petpet shop. Why? It has been shown that the longer a Petpet goes without being brainwashed, the more it recovers.

5) Spread the word (an easy way is to give them a link to this article XP)! Warn everybody in Neopia about it, and let them know that their contribution will help Neopia.

6) Go visit Kreludor and the Virtupets Space Station often. It's a well known fact that she likes to go to those places when there are little people around to be witnesses that she was there.

7) Keep an eye on her, and report any suspicious activity you see about her to me and other Neopians.

8) Keep an eye out for any other suspiciously happy Petpet fanatics that might be working for her.

9) Buy any book that has to do with Neopian domination from the book shop just so that little Miss Petpets won't benefit from it.

I hope this warning has awakened Neopians to what can really happen if we do not stop the Petpet Shopkeeper while she is still weak. Please contribute, and as I have said before, spread the word. We cannot let Neopia be taken over by a Petpet crazed Usul. =( That simply will not benefit anybody but her.

PS. This article was simply for comedy. Please do not actually follow the guide as it could alter the Neopian economy. I hope you enjoyed reading this article. =)

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

XuuPuu!
Wah! I'm ITCHY!!

by thepinkpixel

---------

The Greatest Treasure of All: Part Three
"He could be wrong. Even if we don't find a treasure, it's okay. The only way I'd be ashamed of us is if we didn't try."

by kacheeklover3579

---------

Moo...
They're just as evil... I mean cute! CUTE!

by boohbah098

---------

C.H.A.O.S. - April Fool's Special
*oof*

Also by precious_katuch14

by doughnut215




Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.