A Mutant Chia's Uber-Spiffy Guide to Pillow Fighting
Author's Note: This guide was NOT written by Nintendude12345 (Jake) this
guide was written by his Mutant Chia (who will soon be a Pea Chia), Big_Neopet_On_Campus
because Jake has no NT writing skills what-so-ever.
OUR BEDROOM - It's 12:00 Midnight. Your owner is in bed. You can't sleep.
Your siblings (older AND younger) also can't sleep. You turn your back for 2
seconds to shut the door, turn the lights on and start discoing with your Gruslen.
But all of a sudden... WHAP! You've been hit in the back of the head
with a pillow by one of your younger siblings! You suddenly pick up a pillow
to block him! You whacked him like Kass on a stick! BOOM! Your other siblings
join in and cause mayhem. Feathers everywhere! And all of a sudden... CREEEEEEEAK!
Eep! Your owner suddenly opens the door at 1:00 in the morning. He gives you
a stern lecture for 45 minutes then sleepwalks into the kitchen to eat some
pretzels. You've been punished. Grounded for 4 months and no avatar privileges.
That's why I decided to start a guide. A guide for... Pillow Fighting. We'll
cover the basics for now, and we'll also talk about not getting caught.
Everyone needs a good pillow for whacking each other in the head with, right?
Bring on the pillows!
The ratings: *=Bad. **=Ok. ***=Spiffy! ****=1337. *****=Pwnful.
Jeran Pillow- ****
This is one spiffy pillow. You really need to wield this pillow like a sword.
Just pretend you're about to whack Number 6 right in the forehead at Whack-A-Staff-Member
while pretending you're about to get 500 Million points. HAH! Like that'll ever
happen. This is a good pillow if you're facing Number 6 in a Pillow Fight.
Orange Jelly Pillow- *
This is one tough pillow to wield. One whack and you've got your own little
Jelly World in your room.
Rock Pillow- ***** If you're battling Tyrannians- *
This pillow is DANGEROUS. I love it! It IS inexpensive and packs a powerful
punch. BORING DISCLAIMER: WE AT 'Mutant Chias R Kewl Inc.' DO NOT CONDONE
THE USE OF ROCK PILLOWS EVEN THOUGH YOU WILL GET LOADS OF RANDOM EVENTS FROM
THE TOOTH FAERIE AFTER GETTING HIT WITH THIS PILLOW. *End boring disclaimer.*
Fire Pillow- ***
While this MAY be a very fashionable pillow to whack around like Rohane hitting
Lord Terask with a bag of Cheesy Neos, you should know that this pillow has...
*Eep!* FEATHERS! If you were to hit something (or someone) with spikes/robot
ears/missiles that could whack you or if you are hitting REALLY hard, feathers
come out. Walking in a beautiful feather wonderland, right? WRONG! You've got
a big mess to clean up before your owner comes into the door and (definitely)
sends you to be grounded/punished/locked in a dungeon!
Empty Pillow Case- **
One word: FLIMSY. No pillow inside to whack with. It's like hitting the Ghost
Lupe with a box of Poisonous Jellies.
Aqua Coral Pillow- ***
It averages a couple good whacks. Don't get your hopes up about *gasp* THE
ULTIMATE WHACK. Recommended from 4 out of 5 toothless Maraquans.
Chia Pillow- *****
Blue Pillow- *****
What a very low-tech pillow mechanism. It does pack quite a *cough* outdated
*cough* punch, though!
Cheese Pillow- *
Yuck. Cheese to clean up. YET ANOTHER BORING DISCLAIMER: CHEESE WORLD EXISTS?!
YIPPEE! *End yet another boring disclaimer*
Blumaroo Paw Pillow- *****
1337 and Pwnful paw pillow pwn-ness that packs a punch. WHOA! Tongue twister,
Cloud Aisha Pillow- *****
Unleash the Cloud Aisha Pillow Power! Or C.A.P.P!
How to NOT get caught:
Here are 10 tips on how not to get caught when Pillow Fighting:
- 1. Think of an excuse. Here’s a good one: ‘The window opened and all of
a sudden we lost control of our pillows and... It’s all a blur.’ or ‘Here
is 134 Million NP. Let’s pretend this never happened. *winkwinknudgenudge*’
Okay, maybe not that last one.
- 2. Throw all the feathers on your bed when your owner is coming to get the
door, and when he comes in say, ‘I wanted a late night snack and I was thinking
of an all-natural feather diet! Just trying to stay healthy!’
- 3. Stall so your owner doesn’t come through the door. Say, I’m trying
to figure out how much dung I can fit in one block of mouldy cheese.’ That
should keep your owner out for days. Plenty of time to stall.
- 4. Blame the White Weewoos.
- 5. Hide.
- 6. Stuff the feathers into your socks. Tell your owner that you have extra
fluffy socks that seem to be broken.
- 7. Tell your owner that you were trying to wash the pillows... with each
- 8. Tell your owner that you got SO full that you could only drink half of
a Blue Pteri Morphing Potion.
- 9. Glue the feathers to your hair. Say, ‘Stupid faulty hair products!’
- 10. Blame the Meepits that you couldn’t think of a good excuse.
Now that you are a Pillow Fighting champion, you should be able to go to the
Pillow Fighting championships. You‘ll go from Rookie to Veteran to Champ to
Uber to 1337 to Pwnful to a Legend! You may get THOUSANDS and thousands of Neomails
at your doorstep every day! Loads of Pillow Fighting guilds will love to invite
you because you have an Uber-Spiffy Pillow Fighting rank! Millions of Neopians
EVERYWHERE will want to be your Neofriend. You may find a white Ona or a Biscuit
Paint Brush in your inventory when you wake up! And while you’re at the top
of the Pillow Fighting ranks, you’ll remember to thank me, right? RIGHT?
Final Notes- Well, this is the end of my Uber-Spiffy NT article. I hope
it helped you become a better Pillow Fighter! Just think of the Neomails, items,
Guild invitations, Neofriend requests and applause you’ll get! Uh oh, here comes
Nintendude. I must leave. But before I leave, did one of you White Weewoos steal
my socks again?