A Mutant Chia's Uber-Spiffy Guide to Pillow Fighting

Author's Note: This guide was NOT written by Nintendude12345 (Jake) this guide was written by his Mutant Chia (who will soon be a Pea Chia), Big_Neopet_On_Campus because Jake has no NT writing skills what-so-ever.

OUR BEDROOM - It's 12:00 Midnight. Your owner is in bed. You can't sleep. Your siblings (older AND younger) also can't sleep. You turn your back for 2 seconds to shut the door, turn the lights on and start discoing with your Gruslen. But all of a sudden... WHAP! You've been hit in the back of the head with a pillow by one of your younger siblings! You suddenly pick up a pillow to block him! You whacked him like Kass on a stick! BOOM! Your other siblings join in and cause mayhem. Feathers everywhere! And all of a sudden... CREEEEEEEAK! Eep! Your owner suddenly opens the door at 1:00 in the morning. He gives you a stern lecture for 45 minutes then sleepwalks into the kitchen to eat some pretzels. You've been punished. Grounded for 4 months and no avatar privileges. That's why I decided to start a guide. A guide for... Pillow Fighting. We'll cover the basics for now, and we'll also talk about not getting caught.

AMMO:

Everyone needs a good pillow for whacking each other in the head with, right? Bring on the pillows!

The ratings: *=Bad. **=Ok. ***=Spiffy! ****=1337. *****=Pwnful.

Jeran Pillow- ****

This is one spiffy pillow. You really need to wield this pillow like a sword. Just pretend you're about to whack Number 6 right in the forehead at Whack-A-Staff-Member while pretending you're about to get 500 Million points. HAH! Like that'll ever happen. This is a good pillow if you're facing Number 6 in a Pillow Fight.

Orange Jelly Pillow- *

This is one tough pillow to wield. One whack and you've got your own little Jelly World in your room.

Rock Pillow- ***** If you're battling Tyrannians- *

This pillow is DANGEROUS. I love it! It IS inexpensive and packs a powerful punch. BORING DISCLAIMER: WE AT 'Mutant Chias R Kewl Inc.' DO NOT CONDONE THE USE OF ROCK PILLOWS EVEN THOUGH YOU WILL GET LOADS OF RANDOM EVENTS FROM THE TOOTH FAERIE AFTER GETTING HIT WITH THIS PILLOW. *End boring disclaimer.*

Fire Pillow- ***

While this MAY be a very fashionable pillow to whack around like Rohane hitting Lord Terask with a bag of Cheesy Neos, you should know that this pillow has... *Eep!* FEATHERS! If you were to hit something (or someone) with spikes/robot ears/missiles that could whack you or if you are hitting REALLY hard, feathers come out. Walking in a beautiful feather wonderland, right? WRONG! You've got a big mess to clean up before your owner comes into the door and (definitely) sends you to be grounded/punished/locked in a dungeon!

Empty Pillow Case- **

One word: FLIMSY. No pillow inside to whack with. It's like hitting the Ghost Lupe with a box of Poisonous Jellies.

Aqua Coral Pillow- ***

It averages a couple good whacks. Don't get your hopes up about *gasp* THE ULTIMATE WHACK. Recommended from 4 out of 5 toothless Maraquans.

Chia Pillow- *****

Yay. Fluff.

Blue Pillow- *****

What a very low-tech pillow mechanism. It does pack quite a *cough* outdated *cough* punch, though!

Cheese Pillow- *

Yuck. Cheese to clean up. YET ANOTHER BORING DISCLAIMER: CHEESE WORLD EXISTS?! YIPPEE! *End yet another boring disclaimer*

Blumaroo Paw Pillow- *****

1337 and Pwnful paw pillow pwn-ness that packs a punch. WHOA! Tongue twister, much?

Cloud Aisha Pillow- *****

Unleash the Cloud Aisha Pillow Power! Or C.A.P.P!

How to NOT get caught:

Here are 10 tips on how not to get caught when Pillow Fighting:

• 1. Think of an excuse. Here’s a good one: ‘The window opened and all of a sudden we lost control of our pillows and... It’s all a blur.’ or ‘Here is 134 Million NP. Let’s pretend this never happened. *winkwinknudgenudge*’ Okay, maybe not that last one.

• 2. Throw all the feathers on your bed when your owner is coming to get the door, and when he comes in say, ‘I wanted a late night snack and I was thinking of an all-natural feather diet! Just trying to stay healthy!’

• 3. Stall so your owner doesn’t come through the door. Say, ‘I’m trying to figure out how much dung I can fit in one block of mouldy cheese.’ That should keep your owner out for days. Plenty of time to stall.

• 4. Blame the White Weewoos.

• 5. Hide.

• 6. Stuff the feathers into your socks. Tell your owner that you have extra fluffy socks that seem to be broken.

• 7. Tell your owner that you were trying to wash the pillows... with each other’s faces.

• 8. Tell your owner that you got SO full that you could only drink half of a Blue Pteri Morphing Potion.

• 9. Glue the feathers to your hair. Say, ‘Stupid faulty hair products!’

• 10. Blame the Meepits that you couldn’t think of a good excuse.

Now that you are a Pillow Fighting champion, you should be able to go to the Pillow Fighting championships. You‘ll go from Rookie to Veteran to Champ to Uber to 1337 to Pwnful to a Legend! You may get THOUSANDS and thousands of Neomails at your doorstep every day! Loads of Pillow Fighting guilds will love to invite you because you have an Uber-Spiffy Pillow Fighting rank! Millions of Neopians EVERYWHERE will want to be your Neofriend. You may find a white Ona or a Biscuit Paint Brush in your inventory when you wake up! And while you’re at the top of the Pillow Fighting ranks, you’ll remember to thank me, right? RIGHT?

Final Notes- Well, this is the end of my Uber-Spiffy NT article. I hope it helped you become a better Pillow Fighter! Just think of the Neomails, items, Guild invitations, Neofriend requests and applause you’ll get! Uh oh, here comes Nintendude. I must leave. But before I leave, did one of you White Weewoos steal my socks again?