The Clover How-To

A 4 Leaf Clover is...

You don’t know what a 4 leaf clover is? Oh, you silly Lenny! It is a clover with 4 leaves. If you are still confused, let me go a little more in-depth for you. 4 is an adjective. It is a cardinal number that is the sum of 3 and 1. A leaf is a noun. It is a usually green, flattened, lateral structure attached to a stem. A clover is a noun, also. It is one of various herbs that have a trifoliolate leaves and dense heads of small flowers. Trifoliolate means: “having three leaflets”. So I must have confused you even more just now. Clovers customarily DO have 3 leaves! That’s why it’s lucky to find one with 4, because it is a rare occurrence. Time to move on!

The Best Place to Look...

Now then, I am not a clovertologist, so I have not really studied where they grow the most. But being a graduate of grade 8 in neoschool, I can assure you a few things... Clovers are not very abundant on Terror Mountain! If you decide to look there, don’t blame me when your luck meter drops to the amount of nothingness. I would also not recommend the Lost Desert, because not much grows there anyhow and I think that includes clovers on the “Stuff that doesn’t grow in the Lost Desert” list. :)

Faerieland is a mystery, though. No one has ever seen a clover or plants of the like there, but it has to be a mystery! Faerieland is the magical place where everything grows in abundance and splendidly at that. I say no, clovers will not be found in Faerieland. But everyone is always arguing at me over this theory, and telling me I am wrong, so I have decided to include both theories in this article. Clovers may just grow on Faerieland, but don’t waste your time there, instead look at one of the places where— *is whacked with a blandfish by a Faerieland supporter*

Ok, ok! I suppose I’ll just reveal the secret location of the most likely spot clovers should be found in, if you didn’t already guess yourself. That place would be Mystery Island. Lots of plants grow here, and clovers should be no different. I’ve asked people who live on Mystery Island where they see the most clovers. Their answers have been: surrounding the Island Mystic’s hut, near the Cooking Pot, on the outskirts of the Lost City of Geraptiku, behind the Tiki Tack building, on the shore of the Beach, and somewhere near the Rock Pool. None confirmed. You’re on your own, pal!

How to Search...

Get down on your hands/paws/claws/wings/whatever and knees and search in the large mounds of normal 3 leaf clovers! If you are patient and look for hours, digging in all of those clovers, injuring your brain looking at all of the green, you may just find that certain clover you’re looking for. If and when you find it, be proud! If you don’t, be ashamed. *shakes finger at you menacingly*

Do you want your long, hard search for this clover to be over more quickly? Would you like to know the secret on telling the clovers apart easily? Okay, here goes. But shh, don’t tell! *whispers* A 4 leaf clover has one more leaf than the others! There. Secret out! Uh-oh.

When you have your Clover...

What to do when you have the clover you’ve been looking for for so long? Well, one of the options is to grab a hold of your very favorite notebook that has NO WRITING in it yet. Slip the clover inside; make sure it is lying flat on a page. Then shut the book and tuck it away some place where you won’t find it again for a long time. Then you’ll open up to page one and see that 4 leaf clover you found so many months ago. It’ll bring back great memories and you’ll have it forever. Wow! I was actually serious-sounding for once.

Option number 2, you could merely eat the stinking clover. I mean, come on! It only took seven hours to find it. That wasn’t that long. So I mean, seriously. What’s the point of eating the other food in the inventory when you have this nice clover you worked so hard on to get? OMG.

There’s another choice, as well. You could always give the clover to someone. Like your best friend. Or your grandpa. Or that weird stranger Neopet named Alicejohnnybobjuniorthethird. It doesn’t matter. Giving is generous, and generosity is highly respected. I bet your grandpa already loves you, but I’m sure he’ll be quite happy to think that you toiled in the hot spring sun looking for a clover for seven hours just to give it to him. I know that would make me happy if someone did it for me. Even if I’d probably toss the clover out and not think a thing about it.

OR, as the last options, you could merely toss it out yourself. OR you could set it on a nice little pedestal, showing all of your hard work off to the planet of Neopia... or more like anyone who entered your neohome to see it. But there’s so many options out there for you! Just look around to find them, and smell the asparagus in the breeze. Now please enjoy my last category...

How Not to find a Clover...

Some, obviously, would just not want to find a clover. Some are not able. Some are too busy. Some are simply too lazy and hang out in their beds in their bedrooms in their neohomes all day long. But that’s ok. I know plenty of pets and owners that are like that. So I am introducing this guide just for them... It teaches you how to not find a clover. Merely stay inside all day. Stay inside on your computers in the Virtupets Space Station (I’m sure many of you find that easy). Or just sleep all day and stay up all night, when it’s too dark to find clovers. Mental Note to Self: Make disclaimer so owners of exhausted pets will not seek me out and form a large mob. Well, then, you can be creative! Think of your own ways how to not find a clover. Or you could not find a clover by staying inside and thinking of ways not to find one. The options are endless. Goodbye, then!

Author’s Note: Dedicated to my new friends in the fantastic guild, Your Pants. You guys rock!

END OF ARTICLE. YOU MAY STOP READING NOW.

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GRRR. GOODBYE THEN! YOU WIN.