Voice of the Neopian Pound Circulation: 150,952,996 Issue: 232 | 24th day of Running, Y8
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An Interview... with Dr. Sloth


by wam1994

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A few days ago, I interviewed one of the most evil and hated creatures in Neopia's history- Dr. Sloth. However, it is easier said than done. You see, Sloth was in hiding, and I set out on an incredibly long three day quest to search for him. Finally, I found him in a very rural area of Kreludor. The only footsteps ever taken there were of Dr. Sloth's, and then very soon mine as well. Read on to find out how this seemly horrific interview turns out…

      Before I found Sloth, I had to look for hours around the area. Finally, I tip-toed over to where I heard some wailing. Frightened as to what I saw, I gasped and immediately turned back. It was a mutant creature with yellow-and-green polka-dots. Thirty seconds after running from it, a thought popped into my head like a popcorn kernel. I realized who it was; it was Dr. Sloth himself! I zipped back to the area I was at and decided it was the right time to talk to him.

      Panting and gasping for breath, I pretended to be very surprised at his appearance and expressively exclaimed, "Whoa! Dr. Sloth!? I- I came to interview you, but I had no idea you'd look like this." Sloth, though, just gave me a quick glance and then murmured something under his breath. Confused, I asked, "Aren't you… going to try something evil on me?" I stared down at my evil protection suit and thought: 94,000 NP---wasted!

      He was still perfectly silent, so I nervously questioned, "Are you all right?"

      Suddenly, though, he broke out in a rage of words, "If only---he had---what---I couldn't seem to---stayed on my side---no power without him!" He also spoke many other words, but these were the few I caught. I clenched my teeth together and sighed a long, confused sigh.

      "What?" I asked, my brains clattering around in my mind.

      Dr. Sloth stared down at his feet and explained the whole story. "You see, I have, or had, actually, a… a partner. A partner in crime, you could say, but then all the pieces fell apart. What I mean is, he helped me so much that without him, I couldn't have been as evil and hated as I am today. Soon, though, he fell into a fit of rage because I was always the one getting the credit for the evil deeds we committed."

      "Wait, wait, wait… stop right there… first explain why you are polka dotted." I took note of some of his answers, but others were so peculiar, I could remember them by heart. This certain answer was a peculiar one indeed.

      At first Sloth seemed to look baffled, as he had no clue what to answer, as if he woke up that way. Soon, though, he opened his mouth to speak, but his voice was so quiet it was barely audible. "I was walking to my lair after catching some bugs to eat." He stopped there and looked at me, as if I were going to compliment him on how scary it was to eat bugs.

      I simply said, "Go on…" and so he continued. He explained how as he was walking, he heard some rattling about in a bush, so he froze right in his tracks. Out popped a funny looking Chia with a bottled "polka-dotter" in his hands. He got it all over Dr. Sloth and then ran off. All he left was a note stating that he came from Neopia Central and that Fyora, the Faerie Queen, wanted him captured. He knew he was going to be caught and defeated, so he rode his spaceship to Kreludor.

      For a minute or so, I looked up at the sky, tried to digest the story, and then I looked back at Dr. Sloth. "So what you're saying is," I raised my right eyebrow, and then continued, "You were zapped by a freaky Chia who popped out of a bush and then left a note for you, telling you about your doom?"

      Dr. Sloth took a breath, as if to give me a long speech, but then just said, "Yeah, that's about right."

      He told me that he was now on a quest to become his normal self again, and would need my help to do it. I was astonished and muttered, "Well, no, I mean, I… I have a reputation! I, I can't help an evil dude! I report the news, that's all I do. So sorry! I can't--"

      Dr. Sloth interrupted, "Silence! I've had enough… it was just a question, but you need to help me. P-… p-…" he strained to say that last word.

      "What?" I asked. "Paper, plane, plum, pear, what?" I asked, and then my mind boomed with a thought. "Oh… you're trying to say please!" My face gleamed and I sparked with an idea, "I'm not helping you until you say it!" I said, childishly. He sighed.

      "Fine… pl… pleeee… pleeeee… please!" he stuttered, and his face looked as if I has just defeated him in some World Championship game. I smiled to myself and then turned to face him, happy at my accomplishment. I had just made the evil and fearsome Dr. Sloth say 'please' to me! Then, Sloth quickly stated, so I wouldn't forget, "Now you have to help me."

      My mouth dropped open. That huge detail had completely slipped my mind! I grabbed my notes and was almost about to take my leave, but then I realized I would be breaking my promise. I put everything back down and then told him, "Where do we start?" He told me all about his plans.

      "Okay, we will start by… hmmm… all right, I have a plan," he said. "We will go to Faerieland, and you will pretend as if you are selling something. Um, something Fyora would like… some items for the Hidden Tower. A baby paintbrush, a royal paintbrush, stuff like that, so she doesn't suspect anything. Keep her busy, and I will sneak inside and take a zap ray. One zap and then I'm back to normal. Or maybe I could steal something that would help me become ruler of Neopia! Yes, yes, that would work! I could finally reach my plan of---"

      I tried to persuade him not to. "No way, Sloth! Fyora doesn't keep evil things around!" I firmly stated.

      He groaned. "Ah, maybe you're right…" He then frowned. I was secretly smiling to myself, because I had taken him off his evil track again.

      We then left for Neopia in the spaceship I had arrived in. It was the ride of a lifetime. We were zooming past craters the size of houses, just like I had when I was coming to Kreludor. In thirty minutes, I set foot on Neopia again. It felt great to be back home. I heard a whoosh above me, and as I stared up, I saw an air faerie dash through the sky. We were in Faerieland. The cool air from the faerie darting past me in the sky caused a rush of chilly wind to sprinkle all over me. It happened many times, for there was not just one faerie flying overhead. There were dozens!

      By the time we reached the Hidden Tower, which, by the way, was very hard to find, it was late at night. 'Ding Dong'. I had rung the doorbell. Fyora opened the door and I shakily said, "H-hello… I am selling a couple of paintbrushes. Are…are you interested at all, Miss f-Faerie Queen?"

      "Why, sure… I see you have a baby paintbrush and a…" she continued on from there, and Dr. Sloth ran inside the tower and didn't come back for ten minutes. I had to stall Fyora overtime, which was extremely difficult. When he did come back, his hands were full of valuables. He rushed away into the darkness.

      That was my story. I had never been so deceived in my life. So now you know the reason I even wrote this article. To warn you from the evils of Dr. Sloth. Never trust Dr. Sloth, no matter what.

The End

 
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