The Lesser-Known Petpets: Deaver
KRAWK ISLAND – Avast, ye land lubbers! And for all those Elephantes... avast,
tubbers! Has anyone ever wondered what ‘avast’ means, anyways? Actually, seeing
how I’m probably going to get a hundred Neomails saying “LIEK OMG U R S000 N0T
A P1RAT3!!!11! UR ST00P1D!!1”, forget it. I’ll go to a pirate dictionary and look
up ‘avast’ myself.
Why exactly am I talking like a pirate, you ask (and if you don’t, you’d better
get on task)? Well, me hearties, ye best start familiarizing (yeah, real pirate-like
word there) yerself with the Lil’ Nippers on Krawk Island, or more specifically...
The Deaver is a clever little creature that sells for 8 dubloons... but you
can’t put a price on Petpet love! Available in tree bark brown and glowing tree
bark ghost, the Deaver is poorly under-endowed when it comes to color diversity.
When you look at the arms of a Deaver, don’t you just want to run up to it,
eat a hot dog, and give it a big hug? Well, actually, you’ve got to see a picture
of the Deaver first! SEND IN THE DEAVER!
There we go... now don’t you just want to squeeze it? Love it? Please think
of it? (Get it? Please and squeeze, love and of... oh, I’m still not a poet.)
The sad thing about this poor little creature is that the last time I checked,
there was 1 Deaver in stock at Lil’ Nippers for the last two years. In fact,
it’s my guess that you’ve got a better chance of owning a Krawk than you do
of seeing a Neopet with a Deaver for a Petpet.
And that’s why I’m here today... or whenever you happen to read this article,
since I’m not exactly here where you are. I believe it is my purpose, wherever
I am, to inform you, the reader (obviously), that DEAVERS NEED LOVE, TOO! (Wow,
that comma before ‘too’ really messed up that sentence... eh, that’s grammar
Let’s start with the basics: what is the anatomy of a Deaver? Well, it’s got
stumpy little arms dying for a hug (or it’s been waiting for one for waaaaay
too long). A big black nose. Two (possibly more) buck teeth to sink into the
flesh of the unfortunate soul who hugs it (just kidding). Two normal ears. And
two dang big lightning rods sticking out of the top its head. Now, I know they’re
really antennae, but the more I think about calling them that... the less I
Anywho, it’s said that the Deaver uses its thin ears like, err... something...
antennae and can hear conversations up to half a mile away! And, from my experience,
whispered conversations up to a quarter mile. If that’s not a good enough reason
to get down on your knees and kiss a Deaver’s feet, I don’t know what is! Well,
actually I do, but I’m trying to promote the Deaver, not depopularize it.
Now, I know what you’re thinking... Deaver rhymes with a certain word, and
that’s probably the only reason it got its name. Well, sadly, you’re mistaken
for Deavers do not use cleavers unless they are butchers... you silly Lenny.
I think I can safely say that if you’re not very much interested in eavesdropping
on a Neopian Times Writers’ meeting where there are several rival reporters
plotting to abandon you on Mystery Island, or if you don’t like meat and have
no use for a butcher, there are still several good reasons that make Deavers
worth owning. And I’ll think of them, I’m sure. Like, uh... um... ooh! Remember
that lightning rod thing? Stick a Deaver on a roof and you’ve got yourself direct
reception from Virtupets! Although there’s not much that gets reception here
But let’s face it. How many times have you seen a Deaver featured in a Caption
Contest? How many times has a Deaver Plushie sold in the Toy Shop? HOW MANY
TIMES DOES THE MYSTERY ISLAND HAIKU KOUGRA TELL A TALE OF DEAVERS BEING A CRUCIAL
PART OF YOUR FATE!?
In fact, that gives me an idea... I’m going to write... HAIKUS! Featuring Deavers,
of course. Let’s see... I’m not very good at writing poems, but I’m pretty good
at writing haikus! (Har-de-har-har.)
The Deaver is my friend,
Until the very end... end.
... word that rhymes with friend.
*ahem* That didn’t go too well. Attempt number two.
FLASH! BOOM! THUNDER-NOISE!
Is that a flash of light there?
... Antennae work well.
Well... *ahem*... I assume you just read that... and laughed. There will be
no more haiku attempts. Instead... there’ll be a meaningful song.
99 Deavers jumping on a bed...
Just kidding. It seems that there isn’t too much to write about when it comes
to Deavers, but I can’t stress enough (unless the house isn’t clean) how a Deaver
can be worth...ful. Or worthy. Whatever floats your boat, Ms. Grammar.
In all honesty, Deavers are cute, furry, fuzzy, neglected little beings that
really deserve kind owners. But nothing with wings, I’d advise. If your Shoyru
is flying, in a lightning storm, directly over a Deaver, and adding useless
commas, chances are that, the Deaver, will attract some kind, of lightning to,
the, Shoyru. If that makes any sense.
Honestly, it wouldn’t hurt to try Deaver. No, wait, that sounds like you’re
eating it... um... Honestly, it wouldn’t kill to equip a Deaver. Well, actually,
that whole lightning storm thing... Well, honestly, you should really just keep
the Deaver in your Safety Deposit Box and feed it daily. Yeah, that probably
works... I’m pretty sure that lightning doesn’t strike inside a Safety Deposit
Box. And, fortunately for most, neither does Sloth’s ray gun.
So, hopefully you’ve learned quite a lesson about Deavers – how they’re so
cute, cuddly, and deadly. But forgetting that last part might not be such a
bad idea. Until next time, when another lesser-known Petpet is exposed to the
Neopian public, this is simsman24000, saying... words. Bye!