Wrawk the Merciless: Part Three
"Wow," uttered Wrawk in awe as the two Kikos peeked inside
the Haunted Woods Plushie Factory.
There were what looked like 50 levels to the
building, each a simple metal grating with an opening in the middle so that
you could look up to the very top. Tons of machines lined up in the bright yellow
lights on each grating, with hardworking Neopets working...well, hard. It was
a bright, upbeat place, with Year 2 music blasting from the hundreds of Country
Speakers, and machines chugging merrily as they did their work-or rather, as
the plushies that operated the machines worked.
"Um...Wrawk," said Keego, leaning in towards
the other evil Kiko's ear, not noticing that Kikos don't have ears. "Why are
there plushies working the machines?"
"Who cares?" cried Wrawk happily, dancing to
the loud music. "They're playing my favorite song-Plushie Parts!"
The plushie Neopets that worked the factory's
machines didn't seem to notice the extremely awkward-looking and stupid Kiko-and
Keego-enter the building. Some looked up and smiled awkwardly, and just went
busily back to work sewing and plushie-making.
"Wrawk, get a hold of yourself!" shouted Keego,
shaking the dancing Kiko violently. "We can't steal NeoFoam from this place!
They're MADE of it! That's like me stealing your pixels!"
"My pixels?" asked Wrawk, confused.
"What, you think you're made of ORGANS?" laughed
"Well, Keego," said Wrawk, pulling up his non-existant
sleeves. "We came here to do a job, and I plan on doing it!"
With Keego cowering behind (an odd change from
her normal behavior), Wrawk made his way towards the center of the entrance
floor. Putting his hands up to his mouth to amplify his voice, he shouted, "ATTENTION!
All the plushies stopped working, the music stopped
playing, Chuffer Bob stopped eating (just kidding)-and everyone looked straight
"Erm...hi," he said, looking at the thousands
of button eyes that looked back at him (at least, I think they were looking
at him). "I've never done this before, but I'm here to steal from you. Oh, wow-I
feel like such a tourist-can someone direct me to the storage room?"
The plushies just stared at him (again, I'm not
sure, but for the story's sake, they did). Their 'eyes' never left their gaze
upon the two now-sweating Kikos.
"Keego, they're staring at me!" Wrawk whispered
out of the corner of his mouth. "You know I don't like confrontations!"
"Yeah, well, they're not exactly ignoring me
either," muttered Keego, staring up at the eyes staring down at the Kiko staring
up at the eyes staring down at the Kiko staring up at the plushies.
And the plushies began to walk forward.
"Congratulations, Wrawk," said Keego, glaring
at him with angry eyes. "You've managed to get us locked in a tiny cage surrounded
by a team of well-dressed plushies in a dark, gray room filled with tons of
odd gizmos and gadgets."
"Thanks for setting up the scene so nicely, Keego."
"THE SPEECH WILL BE CEASED!" shouted an ugly
Plushie Scorchio with a clipboard. Ie stood near the cage dressed in a white
labcoat and had thick horn-rimmed glasses on. "Speech is hurting the experiment
only! And experiment is you...so don't speech!
"What's this guy saying?" whispered Wrawk in
Keego's ear (although anything he said would have been in Keego's ear since
the two were pressing against each other in the tiny cage).
"Are you sure it's a guy?" asked Keego, staring
at the distorted Scorchio. Not only was it a different color than the other
Plushie Scorchios that worked in the factory, but it seemed to have a distorted
face that didn't give a clue as to its gender.
"EX-CYOOZ-MEEE!" shouted Wrawk to the Scorchio-thing,
stressing every syllable as if it couldn't understand him if he talked normally.
"WWHHAAAT ISS THISSS PLAYYYSSSSSSSEEEEEE?"
"EXPERIMENTS TALK NOT TO US!" cried the Scorchio,
dropping his clipboard. "EXPERIMENTS QUIET NEED BE UNTIL QUEEN FROM COME HERE."
With that, the Scorchio picked up his clipboard, regained his still-ugly composure,
and walked away.
"Pssst!" Wrawk whispered to Keego, "Keego!"
"Wrawk, we don't have to whisper," she responded.
"I know," he said aloud, "But it makes me feel
"Reach inside my beard."
"Ex-cuse me?" asked Keego, taken aback.
"Just do it!"
"Yeah, so I can get infested with Mootix and
"No, no, no, Keego," urged Wrawk, "I cleaned
it out a while ago." (Keego shuddered.) "I think I might have something that
will help us."
"What could possibly help us in a situation like
this?" asked Keego doubtfully. She glared at Wrawk, who put on a frown and widened
his eyes. "Oh, no, don't do this to me......no.......no! Not Lupe eyes."
Wrawk's lip began to quiver and he began to whimper
like a little Gelert pup.
"You stink," Keego muttered as she stuck her
hand inside Wrawk's thick beardlike-thing.
"Ooh, that tickles!" Wrawk smiled as Keego felt
around for anything useful in his......hair. "Be careful! Oswald bites."
"Are you serious?" asked Keego, feeling around.
Finally, she hit upon something harder than Wrawk's hard head. Carefully, she
withdrew it from his bea-from Oswald.
Keego looked down at the blue book's cover and
glared at Wrawk like she had never glared before.
"A GUIDE TO SCORCHIO GENDER!?!?!?" she screamed.
"Yep!" shouted Wrawk gleefully. "Now we'll know!"
Keego just stared at Wrawk as he flipped through
the pages rapidly.
"Ah!" he cried. "I've found something! It's either
a male or a female."
A small whimper emerged from Keego's mouth.
"YOU TWO!" came a sudden voice from behind the
cage. The book-wielding and thinking-I-can't-believe-I'm-stuck-with-a-moron
Kikos whirled around to see a disgustingly disgusting Plushie Aisha unlocking
their cage with disgust. "QUEEN IS THE WANTING TO BE YOU SEEING NOW!"
"Who's the Queen?" asked Keego, but the Aisha
reached in and grabbed the two Kikos without responding. Pushing Keego in front
of it and pulling Wrawk by the beard, the Aisha-thing led the two reluctant
Kikos out of the intelligent-looking-and-gender-lacking Plushies, and into a
room with dim-looking-and-gender-lacking Plushies.
The room was about as tall as it was wide, and
very...dirty. The walls were a puke-stained green, the rusted silver floor was
wet, ("I don't even want to guess," muttered Keego) and Plushie Neopets abounded
the room. They sat on their hind legs on either side of a path of greenish metal
tiles, and their heads were pointed down at the-yep, still wet-ground.
It wasn't the actual sight of the genderless
Neopets that shocked Wrawk. And it wasn't the disgusting shade of green that
was chosen for the path that disturbed Keego. It was the huge purple Plushie
Cybunny that sat on a giant chair in front of them. Yeah...that freaked them
out a bit.
The two Kikos stared up at the giant Cybunny
with...well, whatever you normally stare at something grotesque with. It was
enormous, at least three times the size of a normal plushie Neopet. Its eyed
were misshapen and weren't necessarily in the ideal place for eyes to be in.
It had a distorted purple color and big, golden plastic crown sitting on its
badly proportioned head.
Keego peered at the Cybunny (who sported a very
uninviting scowl, although that may have been a permanent thing due to its scattered
eyebrows) as she thought back to what the Aisha said.
"Psst, Wrawk!" she whispered as the Aisha led
them along the tiled path. "Do you think..."
"SPEECH IS OVER WITH DONE NOW CEASED STOP PINEAPPLE!"
The Aisha yelled, throwing down the two Kikos in front of the Cybunny's feet.
"QUEEN OF THE PLUSHIES REJECT THE PRESENCE OF REAL PETS NOW YOU ARE IN!"
"UGH, NORMALLY TALK CAN'T YOU?" the Queen muttered,
rolling her misplaced eyes. Wrawk and Keego exchanged looks with each other,
though I'm not quite sure how that would happen, since looks aren't really tangible
The Queen looked down at the Kikos who lay on
the floor in front of...her. "FOR WHAT LAYING DOWN? UP NOW STAND!" Immediately,
Wrawk and Keego stood up on their-immediately, Wrawk and Keego hovered below
"Erm..." began Keego, looking up at the gigantic
Cybunny. "Who are you?"
"I?" asked the Queen, taken aback. "WHO ARE I?
I ARE QUEEN THE OF PLUSHIES REJECT!"
"Sorry, sorry," said Keego, looking down at the
ground again. "But why are we here?"
"Don't interrupt me!" shouted the Queen. "Anyway,
you may be asking yourself why you're here." (Keego rolled her eyes.) "You normal
Neopets are the first we've had in quite a while. And so, whenever we have visitors
such as yourselves, it's only right that we experiment-you know, find out why
"Wait a minute," yelled Keego. "You can speak
"Nope," answered the Queen. "Only that first
introduction and this sentence explaining it."
"Are-are you serious?" asked Keego.
"INTERRUPT ME DO NOT!" screeched the Queen. "GUARDS
BE TAKING THEM NOW FOR EXPERIMENTS MORE! ALL SHALL ME LISTEN TO FOR AM I THE
QUEEN OF REJECT PLUSHIES!!"
"Snort," snorted Wrawk, his eyes lighting up.
Keego knew that look-she went to high school with it-and she also knew that
Wrawk was on to something. "More like the Mean of Reject Plushies." Wrawk chuckled
at his own joke.
"ME EXCUSE!?!?" roared the Queen, rising off
her throne. Never before had any normal Neopets talked to her like...like that.
They normally were frightened by her 'beautiful' appearance. And besides...if
it even was a joke, it wasn't a very good one.
"Look at you!" shouted Wrawk, walking straight
up to the Cybunny. "You talk in all capitals and you've yet to be kind to us!
You're angry, you're evil, you're [insert synonym here] and, you're, well...mean!"
The Queen stared at Wrawk with wide eyes for
what seemed like thirty seconds. Turns out it was only about ten. But that doesn't
matter. Suddenly, the Queen burst into reject plushie tears.
"RIGHT IS HE!" she wailed, throwing her plastic
crown onto the floor. All the reject plushies in the room rose up and ran towards
the Queen in a desperate attempt to comfort her (and dodge the gigantic crown).
"TOO MEAN I AM!!!!!"
Wrawk and Keego exchanged looks with each other
(there I go again), and smiled. Glancing around the tumult of hundreds of reject
plushies rushing to comfort the bawling Queen, Keego saw an easy path out.
"Wrawk, over here!" Keego shouted, pulling her
boss's arm towards a big wooden door between two grotesque Skeiths. "We can
get out of here!"
"But Keego!" shouted Wrawk, planting himself
on the ground, "What about Operation: Foam?"
"Are you serious?" screeched Keego, glaring at
him. "I thought it was kind of a given that we gave up once we were threatened
by an army of reject plushies!"
She stared at him.
"Argh!" yelled Keego, throwing her hands up in
defeat. "Go get your foam, and we'll go."
"Well, now," said Wrawk, crossing his arms and
turning his head. He knew he could nab Keego with this one-she was such a sucker
for sensitivity. "I'm not quite sure if I want to do it any-"
"Good, then we'll go." She grabbed his arm again,
and the two ran towards the big wooden door faster than two marathon-running
Mootix sprinting in quicksand beneath the Lost Desert sun in an attempt to escape
a chase from a Kadoatie growing increasingly bigger with every second passed.
They ran fast.
"WAIT!!!" screeched the Queen from behind them,
causing the Kikos to whirl around. She has risen from her giant throne, tiny
plushie Neopets hanging off of her robes, and screamed as she pointed towards
the Kikos' exit. "ESCAPING ARE THEY!! GET THEM!!"
Immediately, the focus of all the plushie Neopets
seemed to turn from the self-conscious queen to the terrified wrongdoers (the
Kikos, not the plushies). With a short, eerie silence, every plushie turned
slowly towards the two, and outstretched their hands, and began to-
"HALT!" Suddenly, two loud, similarly-sounding
voices echoed throughout the room. Everyone (and, erm, everything) in the Queen's
chambers peered up at the shadowy rooftop, and at the two Myncis that stood
on the metal grating balcony.
"Aron! Nora!" shouted Wrawk, like a giddy Neoschool
Usul. "I thought someone locked you in a crate!"
"You did," shouted Nora from above.
"WHO BE THESE!?" yelped the giant Queen, chucking
a couple of Korbats at the balcony.
"The Mind Myncis!" screamed Keego, pointing towards
the two proud Myncis. "And, aside from their appearance being another horribly
cliché in this story, they're going to put an end to you and your plushie rejects!"
Dodging the Korbats, the Myncis put their minds
together (no pun intended) and put their plan to work, all in the course of
The Queen threw a Korbat. Aron grabbed the Korbat.
He and Nora jumped on the Korbat. The Korbat flew down towards the Queen. The
Queen fell off her throne and onto some of the wee little plushies. Aron and
Nora leaped off the Korbat upon impact. The two landed gracefully on the floor.
The two shouted "Run!" to Wrawk and Keego. The two fought off attacking plushies
as the other two bolted towards the same door which they bolted for minutes
before. Simsman popped in and said hello. A psychopathic Skeith grabbed Wrawk's
leg. He screamed and cried until the Skeith let go because you shouldn't hit
a girl. Keego and Wrawk reached the door. Aron and Nora screamed for the Kikos
to wait for them outside. Keego laughed, reminded them they were evil, pushed
open the door, pushed Wrawk out of it, ran outside, and shut the door behind
"That..." panted Keego, her's and Wrawk's backs
against the door, "Was...fun."
began Wrawk, "...I...would...be...talking...faster."
"Um...yeah," agreed Keego hesitantly, finally
regaining her composure. Wrawk too stopped leaning against the door (which,
by the way, had somehow managed to block out all sound from inside the factory)
and brushed off his hands, surveying the area.
"Well, whaddya know?" asked Keego, chuckling
to herself. "We're in the front of the factory."
"But Keego, that's not poss-"
"Shhhh, Wrawk," whispered Keego, putting a finger
over his lips. "You don't want the author to hear you!"
The two Kikos (I'm not quite sure how many more
times this phrase will be used) strolled down the Slorg-filled, Spyder-infested
path, glancing around at the dark night sky.
"Well, so much for Operation: NeoFoam," shrugged
Wrawk, shoving his hands in his non-existent pockets. "I'm just glad to begin
on our trip home, which I'm 100% sure will be absolutely safe so that the author
won't have to write any unsatisfactory sequel where new, weak characters are
introduced just for the sake of catching the readers attention."
"I know," knew Keego, shivering from the sudden
breeze that had overtaken the Haunted Woods. "So... what now?"
"What do you mean, what now?" asked Wrawk, understandably
confused (for once in his life). "We're on our way home, aren't we?"
"I mean, afterwards," said Keego, "Once we get
home. What are we going to do? We've got no Neopoints, and we're still back
at square one in terms of world domination."
"Dont worry, Keego," said Wrawk, laughing menacingly,
"I've got it all figured out."
"What?" asked Keego, looking at the bearded Kiko.
"Two words," he said. "Poogle Racing."