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A Smart Career Choice: Petpet Cannonball


by ampolin1

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The cost of daily living in Neopia is skyrocketing. Prices are rising higher than the tallest of Fyora's Faerieland towers, and it's about time you put your resources to good use.

Now, an excellent way to bring home the bacon is to get a job. And an even better way to make some extra neopoints is to make that petpet of yours get a job.

Face it, petpets cost a bundle to maintain, are a lot of work for your pet and do virtually nothing in return. It's time for the owners to take back Neopia; it's time petpets got a job!

"What job could my stupid little petpet do? It hasn't even learned to talk yet," you may be telling yourself.

And that's why I'm here to introduce you to the fascinating, high-paying world of Petpet Cannonball!

Petpet Cannonball is a scenic, exciting opportunity for your petpet to meet exciting new faces and learn the responsibility of real life in Neopia. It is located on the beautiful beaches of Krawk Island, and your petpet will experience life on a pirate ship firsthand!

A common misconception is that being shot from a cannon by menacing pirates into a wooden basket hovering a number of feet above the air is not a safe career choice for your petpet. To ease your fears, I conducted several interviews of the petpets made famous by this exciting, action-packed game.

I traveled to the aforementioned Krawk Island, where, unfortunately, smugglers stole my notebook and pencil, menacing pirates kidnapped me and stole all my dubloons, and I got nipped by a handful of Little Nippers. However, I made it to the docks, where the looming pirate ship proudly stood. I approached cautiously, noting the pirates on deck and the petpets laughing and playing.

"Hello?" I ventured.

The pirate petpets turned to look.

"Could I please interview you for a Neopedia Article on Petpet Cannonball?"

A buzzer petpet sidled over. "Chirp chirp chirp," he said.

"Why yes, I do speak petpet."

"Chirp chirp?"

"Well, of course I'll translate all your answer so that the readers can understand them!"

"Cool!" the petpets said.

"Okay, first question. Is the following disclaimer true?: DISCLAIMER: NO PETPETS WERE HURT IN THE MAKING OF THIS GAME."

The petpets eyed each other. "We are all trained professionals, but accidents always happen," a pirate angelpuss petpet began. "When the game was first introduced, one of the slorgs left a sticky trail. When the pirate went to shoot his petpet out of the cannon, he slipped, aimed too high, and the petpet shot straight up into the air at full power! Our deckhands now do a very thorough cleaning job."

"You mentioned that everyone here is a trained professional. What type of training do you go through before you can enter the glory of actually being in the game?"

"It's always a perk to be able to fly, but we are all taught how to slide through the basket and make a smooth landing. If someone aims too high, we are trained to go off the screen and land on a giant pile of jelly."

"But what happens if someone doesn't aim high enough and you hit the basket?"

The petpets tittered and laughed. "That's when the stunt doubles are brought in!"

"About how many people come to play Petpet Cannonball each day?"

"Thousands and thousands and thousands! I especially like it when they come more than three times, because that's how you know they like it for the fun and not just the neopoints."

"That's a good point. As you're fully aware, Petpet Cannonball is one of the highest-paying games in Neopia, giving its players 150% of the neopoints they earn. How much of a profit do you receive?"

"Well, the pirates get half, as they must learn all those victory and defeat dances, a quarter goes to ship repairs and maintenance, as all those players wreak havoc here, and we get a lovely 25% of sales."

"That's a lot of neopoints! Do you give them to your owner?"

"Of course! What do petpets need with neopoints?"

"But how does your game make such a large profit if you give away so much to the players?"

"That's easy! Neopets moderators give us lots and lots of neopoints to keep their players happy."

"Do you have to be a pirate petpet to work at Petpet Cannonball?"

"Well sure. Why else would it be called that? However, there are many opportunities for all different types of petpets. Some test out new cannons, others come to play with us when we aren't working, and others make sure we can all fit through the baskets."

"Petpet Cannonball has made you a common sight for owners throughout Neopia. How have you handled the celebrity?"

"Honestly, we've always known we were stars."

"So how did you get such high-profile jobs?"

"Most of us were on the original pirate ship that started the Petpet Cannonball phenomenon. Our owners were trapped in a bad storm off the coast of the Haunted Woods, and we were trapped onboard with limited food supplies and nothing to do. The Captain brought out a rusty old cannon from below decks, summoned his petpets, and the game was born!"

"How often are new petpets hired?"

"Every day we get more and more players, so we need more and more petpets. It's hard for the same petpets to keep rotating and being shot out of the cannon, so there are many job openings."

"What is your favorite thing about working on Petpet Cannonball?"

All the petpets started speaking at once.

"I like the cool outfits and peg legs!"

"I like working with my owner!"

"I like flying through the air!"

"I like the cheese I keep inside the cannon to snack on!"

"Well, it looks like the pirates are setting up the cannon again. I should be going." As I left the pirate ship, the petpets smiled and waved, and I could already see the giant line of Neopians waiting to play this spectacular game.

From the chirping mouths of the petpets themselves, rest assured that sending your petpet to work at Petpet Cannonball will leave them unharmed and you a very, very wealthy Neopian.

 
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