Wanted: 1 EVIL Valentine!
Hellooo there puny, average, ugly Neopian! I, Dr. Frank Sloth, am on a quest to
find the purrrfect valentine this year. Now, I don’t want to come off looking
like I’m desperate. I’m not. It’s just that I need someone like YOU to come with
me to the annual Valentines Ball this year... last year was a HORRENDOUS experience.
You ask why? Well, when you go to THE social event of the year with your mother... I’ll
leave the rest for you to figure out.
Anyway, as I was saying, I need someone else to come to the ball with me this
year. What will you get out of it? Why, I should think the mere chance of spending
the most romantic evening of the year with me would be quite a reward in itself... but
if you insist on other benefits, well, let’s just say that this ball is very
exclusive. VERY exclusive. It took me quite a bit of neopoints and even a little
bit of threatening with my slime catapult in order to gain entrance to it this
year. You can probably see why I don’t want to mess up this night again by bringing
my mother. *furtive look* - ahem... that didn’t come from me.
So I decided to take my dilemma to the wonderful *wink* Snowflake this year
and she suggested that I put out an ad about ... my problem. *begs Snowflake
to go to the ball with him* *Snowflake runs away and hides behind her army of
WELL, the MANNERS of some people... geez... alright, as I was saying, I decided to
make an ad. And so, I have come up with the following questions to help me determine
which one of YOU I shall take to the annual ball. The scoring is at the bottom
and I would like to think that everything’s pretty straight forward. Oh, and
it wouldn’t hurt to have a rainbow pencil and a notepad on hand either...
Let’s move onto the questions now.
1) If you were given a splime ball, you would:
a) pelt an innocent petpet with it
b) splat it onto your nemesis (or someone you really dislike if you don’t have
c) do a scientific experiment with it and discover what splime really is
d) eat it
2) If you could control the whole of Neopia, you would first:
a) Hoard all the Bat Cookies and eat them in front of people who want some!
b) Declare war on... pets that you deem ugly!
c) Give out neopoints to all the mutant Grundos!
d) Buy out the Neopian Times and rename it to the Slothian Times!
3) If you had a sharp carrot, you would:
a) Poke a Cybunny’s stomach with it
b) Plant it so you can grow more sharp carrots!
c) Use it as ammunition for your latest exploit
d) Give it to the Soup Kitchen...
4) If neoschool ever starts, you would take:
a) CALCULUS! – who wouldn’t? It sounds cool and it’s over two syllables!
b) Family Studies – learning how to better the relationship between two siblings
is the best thing there is!
c) Potions – ehehe, who doesn’t like a little transmogrification now and then?
d) Art – you need to come up with a spiffy design for your latest killer blaster
5) You are cold, hungry, and homeless (not long now *wicked grin*); you
a) Get a job at the Employment Agency
b) Plot a robbery at the Neopian Bank
c) Join the Pant Devil and steal ... what else?! PANTS! MUHAHAHAHA!
d) Ask the Soup Faerie for some Juppie Soup
6) Lord Darigan has decided that he wants to take over Faerieland; you want
a) Help him! DUH... that’s what all the cool pets are doing...
b) Call him crazy and throw magical turnips at him
c) Who cares? All the do-gooders of Neopia are bound to stop him sooner or
d) Take advantage of the confusion and break into the Secret Faerie Tower and
steal all the rare stuff!
7) You have been asked to write an article for the NT; you decide to base
a) Your own life story... what could be more exciting than that?
b) ME! (Frank Sloth) ‘cause we all know everyone simply adores me!
c) Your favorite faerie... the little imps with wings really get to you.
d) Guilds... ’nuff said
8) Your mom wants to go to a social event with you, so you tell her that:
a) The social event is only for spiffy people... (beware, though; you might
b) You are allergic to her perfume... so you can only go by yourself
c) You will be delighted to bring her there... (and ruin whatever miniscule reputation
d) The event might pose a mortal danger to her, and so for her benefit, she
should be kept away. Far FAR away.
Remember to write this down and no cheating!
1) a) 3 b) 4 c) 1 d) 2
2) a) 2 b) 3 c) 1 d) 4
3) a) 3 b) 2 c) 4 d) 1
4) a) 2 b) 1 c) 4 d) 3
5) a) 1 b) 3 c) 4 d) 2
6) a) 1 b) 2 c) 3 d) 4
7) a) 3 b) 4 c) 2 d) 1
8) a) 3 b) 2 c) 1 d) 4
Now, remember it’s okay if you don’t turn out to be my valentine... it just
means that you’ll be missing out on THE social event of the year!!! Ahahahahaha!
(I know I’m evil... it just makes me feel all good, if you will, inside :D)
8 – 13
*peers at you* ... well, you seem to be walking on the wrong side of the road...
all you want to do is... good ... ugh, I hate that word. You probably already
know that I won’t be taking YOU to the dance. If I did, it would probably be
worse than taking my mother! I can just see it now... you’ll want to help everyone
there, even the stupid ugly pets. >_> So let’s just forget about the survey?
Alright? And SCRAM before I decide to blast you with my MEGA dung blaster!
14 – 19
Now what would be a good word to describe you? *contemplates* well, let’s see... how
about DULL. Boring. Why would I even want to bring along someone who can’t come
up with a World Domination plan involving carrots? Later. *slams door in your
[A few seconds later, Sloth comes out looking embarrassed]
Mother *angry look* told me to uh, come out here and uh, apologize for my appalling
behaviour just now... sorry... but still... I’m not taking you to the Ball... you’re just
not evil enough.
*Frankie closes the door a little softer this time*
20 – 25
Now, we’re getting somewhere! But unfortunately, your type of evil is nowhere
near the type I’m looking for. Sorry, but someone’s gotta say it. Maybe if you
*cough* worshipped me more, I might have considered... but now, it’s just too
late. See ya sucker. I’ll be thinking of you not at the exclusive ball. *smirk*
26 – 31
You’re getting pretty evil, and you know what? I like that. Unfortunately,
you still need to figure out some things about being evil and get your priorities
straight. Remember, it’s all about ME. Yes, Dr. Frank Sloth? You got that? Good.
Hey, maybe you can accompany my mother to the Ball... she still doesn’t know I’m
not taking her yet... hey, YEAH! Heh, no more nagging...
VOILA! YOU are PERFECT! We share basically the same interests, and wow! You
are a true Sloth follower! That’s just what I’m looking for... *offers you his
mutated arm* What are you waiting for? Let’s get to the Ball *blows raspberry
at Snowflake* Heh, who needs YOU anymore?
The grand finale
[enter Frankie’s mum]
Well, that boy is sure gonna get it when he comes home tonight. No more splime
balls for a month; I always thought he was a good boy, but tonight, he proved
me wrong. To think, he would choose to go to a Valentines Ball without yours
truly. Who’s gonna make sure he eats all his caramalised beans tonight, huh?
Or his green tea tablets? I tell you, that boy’s gonna be in trouble one day,
and who will he run to? ME, that's who...
And talk about bad manners. He didn’t even wave goodbye... *she continues to rant*
*you quietly slip away*
Author’s note: This was just for pure entertainment. I take no responsibility
for what Frankie *cough* I mean, Dr. Frank Sloth said. Oh, and before I forget,
Happy Valentines everyone ^^