Preparing Neopia for the Meepits Circulation: 113,211,275 Issue: 226 | 3rd day of Awakening, Y8
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Kadoatery Denial

by silentbutterfly


NEOPIA CENTRAL - I began to question my sanity after having gone silver. What is it about these tiny, caged creatures called Kadoaties and the four rows of four cages known as the Kadoatery that will have me sitting by my computer with an egg timer (I’m serious, and seriously sad, I know), waiting for the next opportunity to feed them?

I stop playing games, stop playing with my pets and petpets, stop chatting in my guild, I even paused from writing this article on several occasions to attempt to feed a Kadoatie. What in Neopia is happening to me?

My once empty inventory is stocked full of food. All these foods that were purchased right out of the shops are just for the Kadoaties. Their owners are on holiday, and here I am doing all the work so their petpets can be happy upon their return. I should be taking as good of care of my petpets. My petpets have meetings with Turmaculus, the symol hole, and the petpet lay ray. Yet, here I am giving someone else’s petpet expensive food! I don’t even know how to feed my petpets food!

And what of my poor, treasured pets? It doesn’t matter that my pet's stomach is rumbling, or that they want a “Turkey Dinner” or “Strawberry Faerie Sundae” or “Blue Negg”. What if a Kadoatie wants that? I think to myself, and wait by the Kadoatery to see if it’s one of the items one of the Kadoaties really wants to make it happy. My pets get to fight over omelettes from the Giant Omelette each and every day, or, if they are lucky, get some jelly from a very strange and a very distant corner of Neopia (of course, that’s what THEY believe). But for these Kadoaties, I will play games until my wrists hurt to earn Neopoints and clear out my safety deposit box until I hear echoes searching for food. My pets have not played with toys or been groomed in days! My inventory is too full with the Kadoatie food to be bothered with such trivial things as that.

It’s madness! It’s insanity! It’s a Disease! I say and run off to the Neopian Hospital to be diagnosed. What would the symptoms be? Obsessive stalking at the Kadoatery? Insatiable desire to feed and make a Kadoatie happy? Constant urges to look for Kadoatery boards and visit the lookups of successful Kadoatie feeders? I look through the Diseases in Neopia and see nothing that fits; surely it must be madness, I almost dismiss myself.

But! Then a realization hits me – what would happen if the Kadoaties were sick? What if they would need medicine to make them happy? I think I may have outsmarted the other feeders and am about to sit tight in the Neopian Pharmacy when my egg timer goes off.

It is time to pause this article again and attempt to feed one of those poor Kadoaties. To reach into their cages with offerings of food in hopes of taking away their frowns and watery eyes to restore their smiles and bright eyes again! Is there no other reward in all of Neopia as satisfying?

Most definitely not! I want to scream as my Kadoatie feeding plans for greatness are foiled by a wandering water faerie. “I've been waiting all day!” she says with her pale blue fins and half smile, “Please get my Quick Reference Dictionary.”

Get your own Quick Reference Dictionary, I roll my eyes. Can you really believe her? So she’s been waiting all day for a book. A book! Those poor Kadoaties have been waiting for thirty minutes to be fed; they are hungry and crying! And all she wants is a book? What does she have to offer? If I’m lucky, she may increase one of my pets' defense, but it will probably be the wrong pet anyway. Isn’t that the way it always seems to work?

Feeding a Kadoatie is much more rewarding. You not only get to pick which one you want to feed, but when you do, you know you make them very happy because they tell you! You even get your own very special *Mew!* and “Thanks for doing a good deed!” Another reason that makes them more rewarding – even if you feed just one you get a shiny trophy for your lookup! And, the more you feed, the more the number below your trophy goes up and up (and the shinier your trophy gets too, unless my eyes are fooling me).

And there’s plenty of help for feeding Kadoaties. Not only does a hungry Kadoatie not take away your rights to the shop wizard, if you hop on the neoboards, you can always find a board for the Kadoatery (just don’t ask for the times, especially right after they’ve been posted). Kadoatie feeders even seem to have created their own language! Mewbie, m00b, cf, hn, etc. Do you know what they mean? If so, you might have an addiction to Kad feeding as well!

An addiction? Maybe that’s it? But where is the Kadoatie Feeders anonymous? Or the help groups? These should be announced in the Kadoatery! Instead, the Kadoatery just feeds your addiction. What do you see when you enter, conveniently posted by the kadoaties that most likely aren’t fed? “So what are you waiting for? Get in there and help some Kadoaties. You are here to help, aren't you?”

Of course I am! I will get in there and help the Kadoaties! Even when it’s night, I will face my fear of the dark too, to be with them and give them food to ease their discomfort and try to help them! But I need to help myself too! I need to stop this addiction and reclaim my inventory, pay more attention to my pets and petpets, and let go of the egg timer so I can enjoy my playtime on Neopets more. There are so many more things to do in Neopia than feed these Kadoaties!

And I’ll figure out what that is too, just as soon as the next main happens.

Note: This is a rant that is merely meant to be humorous and entertaining to anyone who may have fed and enjoyed feeding a Kadoatie too much.

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