A Helper For Hubert
Mrs. Malon frowned as she looked at her class.
She surveyed their furry heads. Two Blumaroos
telling a Kyrii a joke. A group of Cybunnies talking about a trip to the grooming
parlour later. And a Christmas Bori by the name of Apoc teasing an attractive
blue Usul, who began to punch him in the stomach when she realised what he was
doing. The red Kacheek stopped.
Apoc was the reason she was frowning.
Before lunch Apoc had placed a Meerca Whoopee
Cushion on her chair. When she sat down it made a funny noise. But that wasn't
the funny part. The funny part was the Laugh Grenade that Apoc had placed inside
the whoopee cushion and when Mrs. Malon sat on it she activated it.
The class couldn't stop laughing for well over
Well now was her chance to get back at him.
She smiled an evil smile as she began to form a plan.
Two minutes later it was ready.
"Alright class!" Mrs. Malon said. "Sit down,
I have an announcement!"
The class sat down.
"You are all going to spend a day at your owners'
jobs!" She smiled and waited for the groans. Instead a furry Bori paw was raised.
"But Mrs. Malow," began Apoc. "Most of our owners
don't have jobs; they just play games and run a shop for money!"
Mrs. Malon's smile fell. She struggled to think
of something and then spoke, seething with anger.
"Firstly, Apoc, my name is Malon. Not Mallow,
Malon!!!" The class stared. "Secondly, I have a new announcement. You will all
visit famous shopkeepers of Neopia and help them. They will fill out a report
on how well you did. Isn't that fun?"
She began telling the class which shopkeeper
they had. She walked up to Apoc. She stopped.
"Mrs. Talon? I'm a vegetarian, so could you
not give me a shop with meat in it? That creeps me out!" Apoc looked at his
Mrs. Malon grinned. Then she grinned some more.
Then she kept grinning. Then she heard her jaw bone snap.
"Alright, you can visit Hubert's Hot Dogs!"
She grinned. "Now could somebody get me some ice?"
The next day Apoc found himself standing at
Hubert's Hot Dog stand at 6:30 in the morning. He wrapped his scarf tighter.
He looked around. Hubert told him to meet him there at 6:00. If he didn't show
up soon Apoc was going home. He had some neopoints; maybe he could visit Kreludor
or check out that new Battle Faerie shop in Faerieland.
Suddenly a purple Mynci walked up.
"Hello!" he said. "I'm Hubert. You must be Apoc,
that pet sent to help me today. How's it going?" He extended his hand.
Apoc thought it over. He'd be spending twelve
hours with this guy and his behaviour would be reported to his teacher, so he
figured he had best behave and be respectful.
Which is why he was quite surprised when something
different came out.
"I would never shake the hand of a petpet murderer!
How many Snorkles does it take to fill up a Hot Dog? Give up? You psycho demon!
I won't lift a finger to help your diabolical scheme!!!"
Hubert stared at Apoc for a few minutes, then
led him into the stand. He opened a trapdoor in the floor that led to a storeroom.
"See, Apoc?" he said. "We actually use meat
substitutes, instead of real meat. We wouldn't dare harm petpets!"
Apoc stared at the area. He saw tofu products,
beans, and many other items that were healthy meat substitutes.
"Well....alright!" Apoc smiled. "But don't expect
me to work!"
Hubert smiled back.
"Wouldn't think of it!"
And so the day passed pretty quickly. Apoc tried
to stay true to his word but somehow couldn't resist helping Hubert. Granted
most of his helping was selling people Radish Hot Dogs instead of their real
orders and watching them gag, but still it was fun.
At about two thirty in the afternoon Apoc grew
hungry. And given how the smell of hotdogs were beginning to make him sick,
he decided to head on over to the Chocolate Factory.
After purchasing some Assorted Neodrops and
heading back Apoc found Hubert missing.
"Hubert?" Apoc called. Nobody responded.
Suddenly Apoc remembered the storeroom. He walked
into the stand and crawled down into the storeroom. "Hubert?"
Apoc leaned against a large box marked Tofu
Related Objects. Suddenly he sniffed the air and slowly opened the box. Inside
he found several Joints Of Ham. He shuddered as he realised the truth.
Hubert had been lying. Apoc thought about it
for a minute. Then he realised that he had eaten 27 of the Mynci's hot dogs.
Apoc gagged a little and knelt down. He felt
sick. Suddenly he was distracted by a small yipping noise. As Apoc felt his
way through the storeroom he realised that it was much bigger then it appeared
at first. Apoc found a door and opened it, gasping at what he saw.
Snorkles, Babaas, petpets as far as the eye
could see. Apoc stared at their frightened little eyes. He stood there, then
decided to do something about it.
Apoc ran up to the first cage containing a mother
Babaa and her three babies. He opened the door and the Babaas ran out. Apoc
then ran to the other cages and freed the petpets all the while singing a peace
song he had just made up, which wasn't so much a peace song as a vow to beat
As Apoc began the fourth verse, which consisted
of crazed Poogles biting Hubert's face, the door banged open. Hubert was munching
on a Hot Dog and staring at Apoc. He opened his mouth.
"Apoc, I can explain!" said Hubert.
"Which is another way of saying 'Listen to me
lie some more?'"
"No, I mean-" But Hubert never got to say what
he meant because at that moment all the petpets in the room suddenly recognised
Hubert as that mean Mynci who put them in the cages. A Snorkle grunted loudly
and they charged.
Hubert was overwhelmed by petpets nipping, scratching
and in the case of the more timid ones, growling. He glanced over at Apoc and
gave him a look.
Apoc knew this look. He had gotten it from his
sibling. He had gotten it from his owner. Fyora knows how many times his teacher
had given it to him. It was a very cruel look that plainly said "As soon as
I get out of this painful and humiliating situation I am going to make you rue
the day you were born!"
Apoc decided to use the experience he had with
this look and ran off.
The next day was Saturday and Apoc was reading
a new issue of the Neopian Times. On the front cover was a picture of Hubert.
He was heavily bandaged and according to the headline willing to pay 1 000 000
NP for the retrieval of Apoc.
Apoc sighed. These things did have a way of
getting out of hand.
Apoc spent the rest of the weekend hiding from
his owner, who apparently really wanted 1 000 000 NP. By Monday the whole thing
had blown over and Apoc reluctantly trudged to school.
"Hello class!" Mrs. Malon said. Her eyes met
Apoc's. The Bori could swear he saw real fire in them.
"You all did marvellous with your projects.
The shopkeepers loved the extra help. As a reward I have a guest speaker for
Mrs. Malon smiled.
"Everyone," she said, staring right into Apoc's
frightened little eyes. "Meet Hubert!"