A Slimy Point of View!

Greetings, fellow Neopians! It is I, the infamous Bubbles. I am writing to share with you a bit of unknown information. As of late, Neopians like yourself have shown an unusual fascination with Slorgs. They’ve become the object of galleries, avatars, shop blogs, and NT comics and articles! After checking out, collecting, using, and reading most of the above stated objects, something occurred to me. Many people are under the misconception that Slorgs, the slug-like petpets, are stupid, slimy, rather cute, yet rather annoying. Wait. Is it Slorgs? It's Slorgs, right? Or is it Slorgi? Either way, just look at some of these quotes from Neopians like yourself!

cloud123177- Slorgs... Leave it to Neopets to make Slugs cute.

greco13- Ooooh… I think they are so CUTE. Little Slorgs. They just need a backbone!!

cool_lil_1- Oh...eeew, it’s hideous! It’s green and slimy and its eyes are— *is hypnotized by eyes* Ooooh, it’s so cute! No, I'm kidding. They’re cute. They just need a little improvement. A better name would be nice. Slorg… How about, Slerg? Or Slirg? Anything but Slorg!

javabutter819- I think Slorgs are actually pretty cute. The bad thing is they leave those slimy trails everywhere.

danielcartrettschick- They're so freakin' ugly, they're cute.

Jalio- I think they have great philosophical use, especially in potions.

See what I mean? Everyone seems to think they are slimy and not very smart. Well, I wanted to find out for sure. In order to do this, I bought my own Slorg for an interview. As soon as the little guy got back to our Neohome, he struck up a conversation that went like this:

Slorg: *eyes glow red*

Bubbles: Hi, Mr. Slorg! I was wondering if I could ask you a few question.

Slorg: Ugga ugg!

Bubbles: M-Mr. Slorg?

Slorg: *stomps up and down on the ground*

It was obvious to me that this was not working. After contemplating what I could do to get an interview out of this mysterious creature, I was suddenly struck with an idea of sheer, utter brilliance. I went to my Uni, Blingky, and grabbed his Searex, Payardlette. After giving it specific instructions on what to ask the Slorg (with zero response from the Searex, of course), I left the room, hoping for the best. When I returned, I had the full dialogue mysteriously written down. Who knew that petpets could write? Let’s read it together, shall we?

Slorg: Wha…? Where am I? Why aren’t I in the shop where I belong? Why must you destroy my life!!! Aaaaaah!!!

Searex: Um, Mr. Slorg? I don’t think I am… destroying your life, eh? I just wanted to ask you a few questions! Would you be so kind?

Slorg: Oh. I see. Questions? Like an interview? Sure! Ask away. A Slorg of my magnitude should be able to answer any question your underwater mind could throw at me! Love your hair, by the way. Radiant. Have you ever thought of using Superstar Shampoo? It’s a personal favorite of mine. It was invented by an old friend-of-the-family. You see, back when I was only a mere Sluglet—

Searex: Thank you, Mr. Slorg.

Slorg: No please, call me Binky.

Searex: B-Binky? Okay then… Binky… How do you feel about the rumors that have been going around about Slorgs?

Slorg: What rumors?

Searex: Erm… Well, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but most people think you are slimy and cute. Well, cute in an ugly sort of way.

Slorg: Oh, do they now?! And they wonder why we are plotting to run through random cities stealing everyone’s left shoe. We also enjoy kicking Bearogs. Well, I don’t kick them. But I do glare at them. And I poke fish. Sweet little fish, swimming around in your little bowls. Completely oblivious to the evil little Slorgs causing havoc and mass chaos through Neopia. Just wait until—Oh. I’m sorry. What was the question?

Searex: Um… Of course… The rumors. What do you think of them?

Slorg: Oh yes. Well, people are rather dim if they think that. Saying Slorgs are ugly! Ha! You people just think we slide along on our slimy trails. You think we don’t have feelings. Well, we may be cute on the outside, Missy, but inside we are just squishy little bags of sadness. It’s so… so unfair!! You don’t think you’re ruining my life?! Well, I beg to differ! I—

Searex: Yes, Mr. Binky. I’m sure you’re very miserable. But what about the accusations made against you? Do you think you are ugly?

Slorg: Of course not! Look at me! I’m gorgeous!

Searex: I agree. On to the next question. What about your name?

Slorg: What about it?

Searex: A lot of people think that it should be changed. They think that it’s not… appropriate.

Slorg: Eh. Foo on them. We Slorgs are perfectly happy with our name. It is certainly better than “Spardel.” It even has one less syllable!!

Searex: Yes, we can’t have too many syllables. What about the rumors that you are slimy?

Slorg: Poke me.

Searex: Erm… What?

Slorg: Go on, poke me!

At this, the Searex must have just stared at the Slorg. What a random statement to tell the interviewer to poke him! But I have learned from this interview that so far, Binky can become very emotional. So the Searex did what any self-respecting interviewer would do: he poked the Slorg.

Slorg: See? I’m not all that slimy. A little moist, perhaps, but not slimy. It just adds to my glowing complexion.

Searex: Ah. Well. What do you think about the negative rumors describing your intelligence?

Slorg: Ahem. My feelings towards these accusations are unbiased. I undergo multiple contemptuous statements that are directed towards me. I give my incomparable exertion towards proving them erroneous, but I am so far fruitless and futile. I have come to discover that I must not heed those outlandish and preposterous rumors regarding my intellect and aptitude.

Well, I am at a loss for words at this part. What would you say to this? My vocabulary is not that extensive. I’ll just pretend to understand every word and continue reading.

Searex: I agree. *blink* One more question. How would you describe the average day in the life of a Slorg?

Slorg: It’s an arduous task. Of course it’s difficult, just look at us! We have no legs. It takes us hours to move three feet. People blame all those slimy trails on us. They are wrong! It’s the Anubis! They’re the ones who make the trails. They pant and drool all over the ground. We get blamed for everything and called dim and ugly. As I said before, we may look happy on the outside, but inside we are gushy sacks of sadness because of all the evil things people say about us. We are not ugly or dim. We are adorable and intelligent. We make the perfect pet for a pet.

Searex: You mean a petpet?

Slorg: Yeah, whatever. We are sweet and gentle and wonderful and modest. We can do lots of things. I am personally very gifted with sprints. That is what I love to do! I love to run! Watch!

Well, there you have it. The Slorg rumors are not true! Slorgs are really very sweet and sensitive, even if they are a bit egotistic. My suggestion? Go buy a Slorg. If for no other reason, they make good conversation. Everyone can always use a good conversation.

Slorg: Watch me! I’m lightning fast…

And truly. For Binky’s sake. Go and buy a Slorg. You heard those details he let slip about the left shoe crisis the Slorgs are planning. Maybe together, we can prepare for the crisis and keep the Slorgs from getting our left shoes.

Slorg: You aren’t watching!!

This is Bubbles saying thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed getting all the lowdown on these cute little petpets.

Slorg: Time me!!

I better go and pay attention to the little bugger. We don’t want to leave him alone in a room for too long… Who knows what he might do? We all know how emotional he can be… And please remember, together we can make Slorgs feel loved again (not to mention, save our left shoe!).

Author's Note: Hey! Bubbles here. If you're reading this, it means that this is my third publication in the Neopian Times. Hope you enjoyed the article! Neomails welcomed and always responded to! Special thanks to the NTWF, the NW Chat Board, my fantastic guild, and all my neofriends (especially the encouragement from gutterxflower) that helped me throughout this process! I absolutely adore Neomails, so please neomail me what you thought, and I’ll always respond! And YES! Binky really does exist. He's a Red Slorg. Thanks so much!!