Caution: Quills may be sharp Circulation: 111,611,307 Issue: 221 | 22nd day of Celebrating, Y7
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How to Annoy a Snowager then Run Away Screaming

by griflinna


You've just come home from the Snowager, screaming at the top of your lungs. This is because your pets told you to go in the cave this time to avoid getting blasted to Meridell. Now your pets are laughing at you in a very annoying Meridell accent. You send them to their rooms, telling them that you not taking them to Meridell for a looooooooong time. While they go upstairs, you start thinking of how you'll scold them tomorrow. This happened to me in the past, and I had to go to the healing springs just to get just half healed...YOU HEAR THAT HEALING SPRINGS FAERIE!!!!! Well, I have found out things that I made into eight master plans to help you annoy, avoid, and get stuff from the Snowager! *laughs maniacally like lab ray Scorchio* They are fool proof *cough.* Roll the clips!

1) The first way you can annoy the Snowager is by gluing his treasure to the ceiling. I know this because I saw a bunch of meepits do it. (Notice it’s always the meepits who do stuff...and then humans repeat what they did.) When he's asleep, take all of his stuff, and painstakingly glue it to the ceiling one by one. Of course the punishment you will get is much MUCH worse. If you are a neopet, and you do this, the Snowager will call upon "The Meepit of All Trampling” to trample you very painfully (I still remember the marks that it left – *shudder*). If you are a meepit, the punishment is to sit in a very elegant chair. Some meepits get indigestion!

2) A little known fact is that the Snow faerie and the Snowager are, amazingly, friends! (Start screaming now.) I have no idea why they are friends, but with level 45 espionage I will find out! (I think it has something to do with tea.) Now, because of that, you can take advantage of this by doing the Snow faerie's bidding. She won't have you doing regular quests; she will have you clean her septic tank *ick!*. Which seeing how many times I...I mean neopets, go to clean it, it makes you wonder how it gets full. Anyways, if you help her, she will give you a card saying that you can't be blasted to Faerieland by the Snowager.

3) If you have attempted some plan to annoy the Snowager and are trying to get away with it, here are some tips that could either save you or get you blasted to the Haunted Woods. If you have just started running out of the ice cave, screaming like a staff member when the “Whack a Staff Member” hammer is about to hit you because the Snowager is chasing you, first get the Grundos playing Snowball Wars to help you. If they say “yes,” get them in position to fire snowballs at the Snowager (revolution!). The next tip is, when the Snowager finds you snitching his treasure, blow the whistle that he uses to call upon the “Meepit of all Trampling” to trample him this time for payback. Alas, the Meepit is stupid and does not know who used the whistle. If you are lucky he’ll trample the Snowager, but he will most likely trample you even harder than the last time (I don’t want to remember those marks!).

4) Fire weapons: This is a good subject because they can help you. First, don’t use a butter knife that you have just set on fire! Use a sword you have just set on fire (Of course it’s hard to set a sword on fire). If you use a level 1 fire item like a flaming butter knife, and then use it against the Snowager, congrats, you have just been hit by the Snowager’s tail! Now, if you want to avoid that and get hurt with something more worthy, use a great fire weapon. Do this and you have either got yourself a one-way ticket to pain or he honors you and makes you a battle dome competitor, but I warn you of his power! (I hear he cheats.)

5) Here are some small ways you can annoy the Snowager. First, you can take a Hissi, paint it ice, and then make it dance around the Snowager. Warning! The side effects are tail to the head and being buried in the snow till a friendly owner gets you out. Second, you could get a bunch of symols to dig under the Snowager to get his stuff. Some of the symols will *sniff* be painted faerie (the horror). Symols: At least we’re not dead! (I can still hear their voices.) The next way to annoy him is to set up cameras in the cave. He won’t notice for weeks, but when he does notice, he gets really mad. I think he needs anger management; it would great for…DARN MY PUPPYBLEW-LIKE ATTENTION SPAN!

6) Tricks and pranks are really fun (but painful) to pull on the Snowager. First, you could glue the Snowager to the wall himself. Then, when he’s not looking, take all of his stuff and only leave some of the plushies, so he doesn’t feel too bad. (If he cries, the drops turn into icicles, and then he becomes more powerful, and then it gets painful). The next prank is to pretend you’re on strike. If you’re lucky you’ll get more pets to join you. Then parade through the Ice Caves demanding the Snowager give you more stuff on holidays. The Snowager will eventually start to feel bad, and basically start throwing items at you…ISN’T THAT COOL!? *shakes computer screen*

7) Now, I give you the good side of the Snowager *Bum-bum-bun!* The cameras I set up in the cave recorded something strange. It was a meepit crawling into the cave, then getting blasted. That’s not what happened; I know you would have wanted it to get blasted, but unfortunately it didn’t (curses!). However, you will be happy to know that, the Snowager has given it a a slave. The meepits serve the Snowager by making him dinner, cleaning his nonexistent clothes, (which is pretty hard when you’re washing clothes in ice that keeps freezing in your hands) and the occasional “running out of cave and collecting anything that looks like toys.” I know this is no surprise, especially to those of you who are now screaming the word meepit at the top of your lungs.

8) I have found out ways to sneak treasure from the Snowager by messing up painfully. One (very annoying) way to get stuff from him is to hypnotize his meepits. This is hard because first you have to become a master at Meepit Juice Break, then you have to painstakingly carry an automatic juice server and some cheeses to the ice caves, and tell the meepits you’ll give them juice if they give you the Snowager’s stuff, and if they still say no, break out the cheese! The next way to get the Snowager’s stuff is to find out odd things about him, like being friends with the Snow Faerie, and then start threatening to ruin his reputation with them. The Snowager will be afraid of you, and he will invite you into his cave to chat. While you’re there he won’t notice if you sneak some treasure into your hat, shirt, or pants because he is too focused on telling you this enormous lecture about himself. (I remember when he told me about how his mom suggested therapy.)

I hope you have enjoyed this segment of Snowager harassment (I know I have). If you are asking why I sit here typing this while I scold my Bori for putting a flip-flop in the blender, it is for no reason any sane person could understand. If you disagree with my ways of tormenting the Snowager you can go have fun finding out for yourself by jumping off cliffs, setting up cameras, cleaning septic tanks, getting blasted to the haunted woods, and getting trampled by a giant meepit who calls himself the “Meepit of all Trampling.”

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