How to Annoy a Snowager then Run Away Screaming
You've just come home from the Snowager, screaming at the top of your lungs. This
is because your pets told you to go in the cave this time to avoid getting blasted
to Meridell. Now your pets are laughing at you in a very annoying Meridell accent.
You send them to their rooms, telling them that you not taking them to Meridell
for a looooooooong time. While they go upstairs, you start thinking of how you'll
scold them tomorrow. This happened to me in the past, and I had to go to the healing
springs just to get just half healed...YOU HEAR THAT HEALING SPRINGS FAERIE!!!!!
Well, I have found out things that I made into eight master plans to help you
annoy, avoid, and get stuff from the Snowager! *laughs maniacally like lab ray
Scorchio* They are fool proof *cough.* Roll the clips!
1) The first way you can annoy the Snowager is by gluing his treasure to the
ceiling. I know this because I saw a bunch of meepits do it. (Notice it’s always
the meepits who do stuff...and then humans repeat what they did.) When he's
asleep, take all of his stuff, and painstakingly glue it to the ceiling one
by one. Of course the punishment you will get is much MUCH worse. If you are
a neopet, and you do this, the Snowager will call upon "The Meepit of All Trampling”
to trample you very painfully (I still remember the marks that it left – *shudder*).
If you are a meepit, the punishment is to sit in a very elegant chair. Some
meepits get indigestion!
2) A little known fact is that the Snow faerie and the Snowager are, amazingly,
friends! (Start screaming now.) I have no idea why they are friends, but with
level 45 espionage I will find out! (I think it has something to do with tea.)
Now, because of that, you can take advantage of this by doing the Snow faerie's
bidding. She won't have you doing regular quests; she will have you clean her
septic tank *ick!*. Which seeing how many times I...I mean neopets, go to clean
it, it makes you wonder how it gets full. Anyways, if you help her, she will
give you a card saying that you can't be blasted to Faerieland by the Snowager.
3) If you have attempted some plan to annoy the Snowager and are trying to
get away with it, here are some tips that could either save you or get you blasted
to the Haunted Woods. If you have just started running out of the ice cave,
screaming like a staff member when the “Whack a Staff Member” hammer is about
to hit you because the Snowager is chasing you, first get the Grundos playing
Snowball Wars to help you. If they say “yes,” get them in position to fire snowballs
at the Snowager (revolution!). The next tip is, when the Snowager finds you
snitching his treasure, blow the whistle that he uses to call upon the “Meepit
of all Trampling” to trample him this time for payback. Alas, the Meepit is
stupid and does not know who used the whistle. If you are lucky he’ll trample
the Snowager, but he will most likely trample you even harder than the last
time (I don’t want to remember those marks!).
4) Fire weapons: This is a good subject because they can help you. First, don’t
use a butter knife that you have just set on fire! Use a sword you have just
set on fire (Of course it’s hard to set a sword on fire). If you use a level
1 fire item like a flaming butter knife, and then use it against the Snowager,
congrats, you have just been hit by the Snowager’s tail! Now, if you want to
avoid that and get hurt with something more worthy, use a great fire weapon.
Do this and you have either got yourself a one-way ticket to pain or he honors
you and makes you a battle dome competitor, but I warn you of his power! (I
hear he cheats.)
5) Here are some small ways you can annoy the Snowager. First, you can take
a Hissi, paint it ice, and then make it dance around the Snowager. Warning!
The side effects are tail to the head and being buried in the snow till a friendly
owner gets you out. Second, you could get a bunch of symols to dig under the
Snowager to get his stuff. Some of the symols will *sniff* be painted faerie
(the horror). Symols: At least we’re not dead! (I can still hear their voices.)
The next way to annoy him is to set up cameras in the cave. He won’t notice
for weeks, but when he does notice, he gets really mad. I think he needs anger
management; it would great for…DARN MY PUPPYBLEW-LIKE ATTENTION SPAN!
6) Tricks and pranks are really fun (but painful) to pull on the Snowager.
First, you could glue the Snowager to the wall himself. Then, when he’s not
looking, take all of his stuff and only leave some of the plushies, so he doesn’t
feel too bad. (If he cries, the drops turn into icicles, and then he becomes
more powerful, and then it gets painful). The next prank is to pretend you’re
on strike. If you’re lucky you’ll get more pets to join you. Then parade through
the Ice Caves demanding the Snowager give you more stuff on holidays. The Snowager
will eventually start to feel bad, and basically start throwing items at you…ISN’T
THAT COOL!? *shakes computer screen*
7) Now, I give you the good side of the Snowager *Bum-bum-bun!* The cameras
I set up in the cave recorded something strange. It was a meepit crawling into
the cave, then getting blasted. That’s not what happened; I know you would have
wanted it to get blasted, but unfortunately it didn’t (curses!). However, you
will be happy to know that, the Snowager has given it a home...as a slave. The
meepits serve the Snowager by making him dinner, cleaning his nonexistent clothes,
(which is pretty hard when you’re washing clothes in ice that keeps freezing
in your hands) and the occasional “running out of cave and collecting anything
that looks like toys.” I know this is no surprise, especially to those of you
who are now screaming the word meepit at the top of your lungs.
8) I have found out ways to sneak treasure from the Snowager by messing up
painfully. One (very annoying) way to get stuff from him is to hypnotize his
meepits. This is hard because first you have to become a master at Meepit Juice
Break, then you have to painstakingly carry an automatic juice server and some
cheeses to the ice caves, and tell the meepits you’ll give them juice if they
give you the Snowager’s stuff, and if they still say no, break out the cheese!
The next way to get the Snowager’s stuff is to find out odd things about him,
like being friends with the Snow Faerie, and then start threatening to ruin
his reputation with them. The Snowager will be afraid of you, and he will invite
you into his cave to chat. While you’re there he won’t notice if you sneak some
treasure into your hat, shirt, or pants because he is too focused on telling
you this enormous lecture about himself. (I remember when he told me about how
his mom suggested therapy.)
I hope you have enjoyed this segment of Snowager harassment (I know I have).
If you are asking why I sit here typing this while I scold my Bori for putting
a flip-flop in the blender, it is for no reason any sane person could understand.
If you disagree with my ways of tormenting the Snowager you can go have fun
finding out for yourself by jumping off cliffs, setting up cameras, cleaning
septic tanks, getting blasted to the haunted woods, and getting trampled by
a giant meepit who calls himself the “Meepit of all Trampling.”
Search the Neopian Times
|Murgoh: Part Six|
In anticipation of the moment,
he stayed out all night on the lookout post outside the cove, looking out across
the plains expectantly...