12 Pains of Christmas
There are many good things about Christmas. The wreaths, the Christmas trees,
the carolers (okay, they’re just plain awful), and other stuff too. Now, what
about some PAINS? Like waiting in lines? Well, my dear reader, this is a quick
article on 12 Pains of Christmas.
Pain 1: waiting in Lines
Alright! You just got your gifts for your neopets! Whoot! Let’s get in line….
BUMP! As soon as you turn around, you bump into someone! Before this becomes
a Neo Adventure, waiting in lines is one of the biggest pains. You get a present,
then you must wait in a 10 hour line. When it’s finally your turn, the store
closes! Man! Don’t you just HATE that? I know I do. Dung happens, man. Dung
happens. So what’s a pain about this? That extra cool gift you get for your
neopets all goes to waste.
Pain 2: What to Buy
See, another pain besides waiting in lines. What to buy. You have all those
neopoints; you just don’t know what gifts for your neopets to spend it on! This
is a short pain about Christmas, so I’ll move on to a nice big one, I promise.
Pain 3: Your Neopet Not Liking the Gift You Get For It
Alright, you get a gift! You give it to your neopets on Christmas morning.
They open it up. They hate the gift! All those precious neopoints go to waste
when your neopets don’t like their gifts and throw it away. Now you’ve got to
discard it! Or donate it. Or do…. something with it! Listen, I know this isn’t
a big pain, but I promise I’ll make one. I promise. =)
Pain 4: Gifts that are Sold Out
Okay, yet another pain about gifts. You find the perfect gift for your pet
finally! Only to learn that it’s sold out! It might be a popular gift, or maybe
they were just…. cancelled. So there you go, another pain about Christmas!
Pain 5: Putting up your Tree
Alright, a pain that DOESN’T involve gifts! You have to go find a tree. It
can be hard, no places around you that have them maybe! Then there are the decorations.
You can’t find them in stores! Alright, now the painful part. Putting up that
tree. You put it up in your house, and then it might fall! Then you set it up
again. It falls! Then you set it up AGAIN. It falls AGAIN! Then you set it up…
no, I’m not trying to boost the word count so I can match the word limit for
an article! Okay, back to the article. Once you’ve finally set up the Christmas
tree, it’s time to put up the decorations. So you put them out. Then you realize
you put up too much decorations, and the Christmas tree, guess what, falls!
You know, this might be the big pain part I promised, since this is kind of
Pain 6: Carolers
URGH! Don’t even go there! Okay, so carolers. They go door to door singing.
When you open up that door, they sing right away! No! Sometimes they’re like
violins, nice and great, but sometimes they’re like nails-on-a-chalkboard horrible!
So, what do you do? Do what I do, slam that door! If they continue singing,
just look around your Neohome for random objects to throw at them!
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: This is not supposed to offend people whom go caroling.
This is only here in this article for your enjoyment. So no hatemail please!
Pain 7: Cold Weather
Not really Christmassy, but man, I hate cold weather! It’s like when you go
outside, you automatically get surrounded in a block of ice! Be sure to be bundled
up when you go outside, you just might get trapped into an ice block yourself!
To avoid this, have a warm bowl of soup. It warms me up, so it would warm you
up, am I right?
Pain 8: Getting Snowed in
Okay, it snows, right? What if it snowed mega hard, and you were snowed in?
I would scream like a little girl and cower. So, getting snowed in is bad. You
can’t leave your Neohome. Stinks, right?
Pain 9: Everyone Acting Nice
Okay, so that’s kind of good, actually. But sometimes, they’re just goofy happy.
Like they smile like idiots and act so sickeningly sweet. You just want to have
a Watch Bearog go after them. You’ll have to be nice, which is great! But don’t
smile like a goof. And act sickeningly sweet.
Pain 10: Making an article like this
Christmas themed articles, comics, short stories, series, continued series,
and maybe an editorial too in the Neopian Times. But it’s just so hard for me
to come up with articles like this! And reach the word limit too, but still.
At least you read something! Your intelligence just increased! Yay!
Pain 11: Christmas Themed Foods
Christmas themed foods are okay, but it’s just that they’re almost EVERYWHERE!
Christmas cookies are one thing. Those are just darn popular!
Pain 12: Idiotic People on the Neoboards
Before you know it, people will be begging for gifts on the Neoboards! There
would be boards like “OnGZ caN I hav ur NP??//?/?/???/? Ill giv it bahk!!!11!!oneone”
and “Giv me a P/b!!!11!oneonelevenmoose.” So yes, it’s just plain horrible for
those smart Neopians out there!
Well, this is it. There you have it. 12 Pains of Christmas. Now, I must catch
up on my Tyrannian Golf time! I gave up that time just for this article. You
should be thankful! But wait, being thankful is only necessary on Thanksgiving,
not Christmas! Boy, I’m wasting even more time on my Tyrannian Golf time! I
need to catch up on those 18 holes, front 9 holes, and the back 9 holes!
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR AGAIN: I am deeply sorry if this article offended anybody.
I have made this article for, obviously, your entertainment. So why am I putting
this note here? Just to say that I’m sorry if I offended anybody. In some other
unrelated news, if you’re reading this, you’re a person who actually reads these
boring notes! Hooray! You win absolutely nothing at all! Congratulations! Oh
yes, another part of this note is that I love Christmas. I just needed to come
up with an original article about Christmas for that issue! Okay? Okay. End