Revenge of the Disgruntled Neopians
GAMES ROOM - In the deepest, darkest corner of the action games room resides a
game so violent, with characters so frightening, that a less scary game called
Whack-A-Ghost was made to appeal to those who had nightmares about the former.
The game I am talking about is, of course, Whack-A-Staff-Member. It features people
popping up in cubicles only to be given a sound whack over the head and sent back
to work dizzily.
What you’re about to delve into is a guide that has developed as the result
of many hours of frustration taken out on poor pixel caricatures of certain
staff members that run Neopets. You have been warned about the frightening aspects
of the game, so nightmares or imagining little El Picklesaur repeatedly popping
up while you're trying to get some sleep is entirely not my fault.
The background of the game is the gigantic Neopets office, containing a whopping
8 cubicles. Members of the Neopets Team randomly pop out of said cubicles, amidst
the Hannah posters and Scorchio plushies, and await you bopping them on the
head for some points.
Now, the scoring for Whack-A-Staff-Member is highly complex. You use a mallet.
You whack staff members. And you are awarded points for it. The concept is hard
to grasp at first, I admit, but from this point on, everything gets easier.
The game is divided into levels. Each level is 30 seconds long, and you must
score 75 points to advance to the next level. As the game progresses, the time
the staff members spend on screen gets shorter and shorter. Pretty soon, Viola
will be popping in and out from right under your mallet faster than a Skeith
can devour a Gooseberry Cupcake. But now you’ll probably want to know how you
can earn those 75 points per round. Let us explore that portion of the game
The following is a description of everything that can pop up during the game.
3 points- Adam (brown hair, light blue shirt)
4 points- El Picklesaur (superhero outfit)
5 points- Snarkie (short brown hair, green eyes)
6 points- Mr. Roboto (brown hair, red and white shirt)
7 points- Voodoodidi (black shirt, dark brown hair)
8 points- DJ Skellington (black shirt with a skull on it, sunglasses)
9 points- (woman with brown hair, shrugging, blue shirt)
10 points- Viola (blond hair, white shirt)
11 points- Phantom Orange-Shirt Guy (…orange shirt)
12 points- Tigercatcher (bearded, dark blue shirt)
13.498 points- Mr. Insane (glasses, lime green jacket)
15 points- Dragona (light brown hair, pink shirt)
20 points- Poptart (blond hair, purple shirt)
-10 points- Neopets (Mynci, Blumaroo, Usul)
This game is all about speed: fast reflexes and fast thinking. You have to
be quick with the mouse and quick at restraining yourself from clicking on those
Neopets since every time you hit one, you lose 10 points.
As you can see from the list, some staffers are worth a lot more than others.
When you are playing, especially in the later rounds, make sure you prioritize
to hit the ones worth the most points first. If Mr. Insane is hanging out in
the front cubicle, you don’t want to be going for Adam and J.Boogie in the back,
because Mr. Insane will be long gone by the time you work your way back.
When you first start the game, there will be a little red dot on the end of
the handle of your mallet. It will disappear after the first round, but you
should aim the red dot at the center of the staff member’s forehead for optimum
results. Then you can simply either click with the left mouse button or use
the space bar to give the poor staffer an almighty whack.
Hints, Tips, and Opinions
Up until now, this guide has been strictly unbiased, showing every angle of
the game a player can take. Here is where I will break down the mechanics of
game play and reveal some secrets to a high score. If you want to play Whack-a-Staff-Member
solely for fun, then you already have all the information you need to whack
all the staffers your heart desires. However, if you’re looking for a high score
or trophy, then read on.
Tip #1: Play on the small window size. A smaller window means that you
will have to move your mouse less from side to side and top to bottom. Less
mouse moving means faster time. Faster time means you can hit more staff members
in the same amount of time.
Tip #2: If you have a slow computer, play on low quality. For some games,
experiencing a bit of lag during game play is a major advantage. Sadly, Whack-a-Staff-Member
is not one of those games. If your window freezes up for 2 seconds in the later
rounds, you will probably have missed a potential 30 points right there. So
remember the motto: Slow = Low.
Tip #3: Use the mouse button, not the space bar. This is more of a personal
opinion, but I find that I earn much higher scores when I’m not using the space
bar. If you wish, try both methods and decide which one works better for you.
Tip #4: Return the mallet to the center of the screen when there are no
staff members to hit. This will help you especially in the later rounds
because you will be prepared for a staffer to pop up anywhere on screen. For
instance, if Poptart appears way in the back right cubicle, you don’t want to
be waiting fruitlessly all the way at the bottom of the window. Around level
11, multiple people will appear at once, and you have to rapidly decide which
one is worth the most points and hit them first. Staying around the center will
make sure you have the chance to hit the most valuable staff member each time.
Tip #5: Aim before you click. If you just wildly click all over the
place, you’ll probably end up losing more points than you earn because you have
just injured tens of innocent Neopets that were just in the wrong place at the
wrong time. No Neopets were injured in the making of Whack-a-Staff-Member, and
we would like to keep it that way.
Tip #6: Sound. The sound effects for this game will not really help
or hinder you. Every time you successfully whack a staffer, he or she will utter
a little catchphrase. So if you enjoy Dragona saying she wants to eat your socks
and Adam burping, then go ahead and leave the speakers on, but if you find their
nonstop chattering to be too distracting, it will not hurt you to leave the
Tip #7: Try to get at least 200 points on the first level. If you score
a dismal 99 points for your first 30 seconds, don’t bother playing the rest
of the game out. For a high scoring game, here is a guideline for about where
your score should be at certain levels:
Level 1 – 200+
Level 6 – 1200+
Level 10 – 2100+
Tip #8: For the later levels, when you find the game moves too fast for
you, focus on only two cubicles. Preferably the back two on either side.
Why in the back, you ask? Because it's a shorter distance to go from one to
the other, therefore it is more likely you will actually be able to hit something
when you see it pop up.
And finally, I’m not really including this as a tip because I know how annoyed
I am when I ask for advice and people say this, but practice really does improve
your score. After a few games, you get the hang of the spots you need to click
to effectively take down a staff member, and avoiding the Neopets becomes a
So whether you are playing because you’re angry at
TNT’s latest decision of making you read endless scrolls containing strange
symbols heretofore unknown to Neopian-kind or you would just like to have a
shiny likeness of Poptart on your lookup, this guide should help you on your
way to your goal. Remember, revenge is sweet, but getting that Whack-a-Staff-Member
high score is even sweeter!
Author’s Note: I apologize to any staff members I may have misnamed or omitted.
I spent a while looking for drawings of the staff, but I couldn’t find a couple
of the people anywhere. Very sorry.