The Story of the Magic Doorknob

     Now, you may be wondering, how did an innocent little Shoyru like me ever get mixed up with these two con artists? Well, that's a very interesting story, to be honest. So sit back, everyone. I, the great Jennifer, am about to tell you a story that will probably keep your attention for a little while. And maybe make you laugh. Or something. Here we go...

     ***

     It all started one day when my mother was sick with Achy Head. Since she was sick, she had to stay home all day, and she asked me to go to the Marketplace and see if I could fetch her any Magic Goop, since the Pharmacy was sold out.

     So, I'm walking through the Marketplace, minding my own business, when all of a sudden I see a red Meerca being literally thrown out of a shop by the shopkeeper. He landed on his face right in front of me on the path and the shopkeeper, an old Blumaroo, yelled to him.

     "This is your last warning, young'in!" he yelled. "If you come near my shop trying to scam my customers again, I'll have ye put away!"

     The shopkeeper stepped back into the store, mumbling something, and once he was in, slammed the door shut.

     The chubby Meerca in front of me hadn't realized I had stopped so abruptly that I was having some serious balance problems. I had been able to keep my balance through the whole "stay out of my shop!" thing, but now my feet were starting to hurt from leaning my weight on them.

     "Uhm... excuse me, sir..." I said, trying to get him to move.

     "Psh, people these days!" the Meerca said in a squeaky voice. "Can you believe that? I mean, come on, I'm trying to make an honest living here. Just wait until I tell Chester about this..."

     I wasn't exactly sure whether the Meerca was talking to me or if he was just talking to himself, or if there was some unseen creature nearby that only he could see.

     Whatever the case, he stood up, dusted himself off and started to walk away when a big green Skeith started to walk towards us. I know that Skeiths are naturally big, but this one was big, even for one of them, and as I'm sure you know, Shoyrus aren't exactly the biggest Neopians, so this guy made me feel flat-out puny. He was pushing a large cart, filled with all sorts of items. Everything from Fuzzles, to Slushies, to Books. There were all kinds of things loaded into there.

     The Meerca looked up at him and called, "Chester! Chester! I got kicked out of another shop!"

     The Skeith, who I was guessing was Chester, called back in a low, raspy voice. "That's a shame, Jacob. The story was different in my store, though. The shopkeeper looked like he was bothered by my being there, but I think he was too afraid to come near me! Ha! I made two hundred neopoints selling some of our stuff!"

     So that's who Chester and Jacob are, in case you hadn't figured that out already...

     They both broke out in laughter, and I started to wonder if either of them even knew I was standing there. I decided it was best just to let insanity be by itself, and keep walking. I started to walk past their cart, and as I did I couldn't help but glance over. When I did, I saw two things, one good, and one kind of strange.

     The good thing, I saw exactly what I was looking for in their cart on top of a pile of rotting Ummagine, the Magic Goop. The strange thing was, both of them were looking at me with widened eyes. I stopped in a mid-walking position and stared back. And suddenly, it seemed like the entire Marketplace fell silent and everybody else disappeared except for us three.

     "Potential customer, Jacob, go talk to her," Chester whispered. Actually, no, he tried to whisper, and I put emphasis on that try, because honestly, when a creature gets as big as Chester is, I can only imagine that it would be very hard to have a quiet voice. So, I guess it's his version of whispering, to me it just sounded like normal speaking.

     Anyway, Jacob hesitantly stepped forward and started speaking.

     "Hello, young lady, how may my partner and I be of service to you on this fine day here in the Marketplace?" he said.

     "I'm uh... just looking for some Magic Goop..." I said, pausing every few words because Chester was acting strangely in the background, watching me nervously. "My mom's sick so..."

     "Ah, I see, poor lady... Magic Goop, eh?" Jacob looked over at the cart. "Yeah, I think we've got some of that, hold on."

     Jacob stepped over to the cart and started digging through all of the junk in there, but he avoided the jar of Magic Goop on top of the Ummagine. Seriously, he dug through every last inch of that cart except for where the fruit was. After a few minutes of searching, he shrugged, and pulled out a glowing round object.

     "Sorry, ma'am, no Magic Goop."

     "But... I see a jar of it right there, on top of the Ummagine." I pointed to where I was talking about and suddenly Chester broke into a sprint towards the cart, picked up the jar, and threw it as far as he could, which was really, really far. It landed a couple hundred feet away.

     "What jar?! I don't see any jar! Do you see any jar, Jacob?!" Chester started yelling frantically.

     "No, of course not. Calm down, let me do the rest of the talking, okay?" Jacob turned and patted his partner on the back. He whispered, a real whisper, something to Chester, who then sat down with his legs crossed, faced away from me. While this had been going on, I examined the object in Jacob's hand.

     "Is that... Is that a doorknob?" I asked.

     "Yes! It is, but it isn't just any doorknob!" This guy was sounding more desperate with every sentence, and also, a lot more like a salesman with every sentence.

     "What makes it so special?" I knew exactly what he was going to say.

     "It glows! I mean, how many other objects do you know of that glow?"

     "Well, in Neopia, there are actually a lot of things that glow... although, to be perfectly honest, I don't think I've ever seen a glowing doorknob."

     "Exactly! This, my good Shoyru, is exactly why you should buy this fine product, only five thousand NP, plus tax."

     "Okay...that's all fine and dandy but all I have is the two thousand my mom gave me to get the medicine... so... Sorry, but I really can't buy it."

     "Okay! Okay! Okay! Fine, just for you, my friend, we'll lower the price to two thousand NP, no tax."

     "Yeah...but my mom told me to get medicine. Not glowing doorknobs."

     Jacob bit his lip and exchanged anxious looks with Chester. Apparently, they both really wanted me to have this doorknob.

     "It cures all diseases!" Chester suddenly screamed.

     "Er... Sorry, but I don't see how a doorknob cures diseases..." I was really starting to get annoyed.

     "We told you already!" Jacob cut back in, "It's magic!"

     Chester got up and repeated the word 'magic' over and over and started waving his arms around. Magic. Magic. Magic.

     Right.

     "Listen... This whole doorknob concept sounds real great, but I'm not the right customer for it. I really just need to find a shop that's selling some Magic Goop and go home so my mom can feel better."

     Finally, the two gave in and stepped aside.

     "Alright, little lady, go ahead and find your goop. But don't say you never got this deal!" Jacob said. He actually sounded kind of sad that I didn't buy the doorknob.

     "The deal to end all deals!" Chester yelled.

     I stared at the two of them for a really long time before finally shaking my head and continuing my walk. Like I said earlier, it's best to let insanity be by itself.

     ***

     But, like I said before, Chester and Jacob are like clockwork now.

     Every day, at exactly noon, whenever I was at the Marketplace, they'd show up and try to sell me that doorknob. Eventually, I finally gave in and bought the doorknob. I figured I might as well, since they had gotten so desperate that they had lowered the price to five NP, and then to free, and then when I still rejected it, they offered to give me five NP if I took it. So, I just decided that I would get them off my back. After all, even if the doorknob was a dud, I got five NP out of it.

     Now, to bring everything to a dandy little conclusion. (After all, that's what I'm supposed to do at this point, right?)

     This morning when my mom came to wake me up for school, I was feeling really lousy, really sick. She took my temperature and sent me back to bed, because it was pretty obvious I had come down with something overnight.

     Well, when I got back to my bedroom, I was feeling really dizzy, so dizzy that I tripped over my own two feet, and my head hit the nightstand beside my bed.

     On the nightstand was the doorknob, and when my head hit it, the doorknob rolled off. It landed on the carpet and started rolling towards me, who had a stupid bump on the head from falling. The doorknob touched my paw, and within a few seconds, my dizziness was gone, and my head didn't hurt from the lump.

     And I felt kind of stupid. Kind of.

     I was silent for nearly five minutes, holding the doorknob in my hand, before I spoke.

     "I'll be darned."

     The end...or is it?

     Yeah. It is. It's definitely the end.