Why Do We Kiss Mortogs?
This article is about something you’ve probably never thought about before. Yes,
it’s very strange, but I decided to visit Meridell because I wanted to personally
write something eye-catching and interesting. I’m also trying really hard to get
into the Neopian Times as I’ve tried hard so many times! Well, let’s get to the
point. I was walking past The Mortog Pond and I thought to myself…
Why in the world do we like to kiss Mortogs?
Well, as soon as it passed my mind, I had to find out. Personally I have not
yet played the game, and I wonder why people love to do it so much. I mean,
if you kiss the wrong Mortog, the Mortog explodes, and your face is full of
muck. Sorry, dear reader, if you are a Mortog-kisser, but I am destined to find
out the truth behind the strange trend!
This is Wilbur, one of the many Mortogs that get kissed every day by thousands
of Neopians. I’m going to get this froglike guy a chance to tell me what he
thinks of the funny habit.
Me: Wilbur, what do you think of this strange activity of kissing Mortogs?
Wilbur: Well, it has its advantages. There are lots of really nice looking
girls in Neopia and-
Me: Um, let’s stay away from the details like that, Wilbur! So, anyway, what
if any old person comes up to you and plants a kiss on your head?
Wilbur: I don’t approve of that kind of stuff at all! I mean, what if Lord
Kass wanted to play “Kiss the Mortog”? Gross!
Me: I see what you mean. But do you like your job?
Wilbur: You call it a job? All I get to do is sit still and smile like I just
feasted with King Skarl! Oh, and here’s a secret. Do you know why I have a funny
little blue mane?
Wilbur: Hee hee. That’s where I have been kissed all these years. I grow icky
blue hair wherever I’m kissed! Isn’t that gross?
Me: Wait, hold on a second! I thought that magical Mortogs turned into a prince
or princess after they’re kissed!
Wilbur: True, true. But somehow I always manage to turn back into a Mortog
again. Most Mortogs do. Weird, huh?
Me: Very strange! So, uh, does being a Mortog pay off? Is it worthwhile?
Wilbur: You could say that. My buddies and I are paid 300 NP an hour. Even
though it’s kind of a strange job, by 24 hours I’ve made um, uh, ah… a lot of
NP! Heh, I’m not good with math…
Me: It sounds to me like you enjoy being a Mortog prince, Wilbur!
Wilbur: That’s right, korbatcutie14! Being a Mortog rocks this world! I may
be an icky green froglike creature with fins for ears, speckles on my legs,
and a blue mane, but I’m proud of who I am, even if I’m not a prized Mortog!
I’m still cool!
Me: Well, it’s great to have self-confidence. I just imagine that it’s hard
to have it with such a non-appealing look. How do you strengthen your air of
Wilbur: Ya know what? Even though the saying is really cheesy and overused,
it’s right. It’s the stuff on the inside that counts. I’ve actually grown to
love my blue locks! I also know that we Mortogs really are somethin’ valuable,
no matter what some Slorg-faced weirdo says!
Me: That is some true self-respect that we all wish we had, isn’t it, people?
Wilbur: It’s not that hard. Just crown yourself king or queen of your own self-compliments.
If you’re on the chubby side and Joe makes a wisecrack remark, tell him that
he’s just jealous of your slippery bod. Hah! It’s probably gonna blow his mind!
Me: I suppose it would. Now, tell me this, Wilbur. Are Mortogs endangered creatures?
Me: Okay. Well, um, why do you think Neopians kiss Mortogs?
Wilbur: Could it be more obvious? For NP! Duh! People will go to any length
for money. Even if it means the good ol’ goo-in-the-face treatment! It’s really
funny to watch.
Me: While we’re talking about this, how do you feel when a Mortog explodes?
Wilbur: Of course I feel bad. I mean, it’s like seeing one of your kind explode!
I thought at first it was savagery. But I realized that they didn’t really die.
Somehow, they regain their old shape in a matter of hours! I learned this when
Bill, my bud, exploded. He was back on his feet in two hours! Funny!
Me: Oh. I didn’t know that!
Wilbur: Well, of course you didn’t.
Me: Um, why is that?
Wilbur: See, Mortogs are highly intelligent beings that know much much more
than the average Neopian. So ha!
Me: (Hands on hips) Well, excuse me, but I don’t think that is true!
Wilbur: Ya think not?
Me: No way, Jose!
Wilbur: Well that stinks, doesn’t it? That you don’t believe the smartest being
in the worlds of Neopia?
Me: Ha! Smartest? Not a chance!
Wilbur: Oh darn it. Why don’t you believe me, korbatcutie14?
Me: Cause it’s not true!
Wilbur: Prove it!
Well, everything went relatively well. I really found out a lot of interesting
stuff, and most of the questions I asked were answered. But the question still
remains: which is smarter, a Mortog or a Neopian? Oh, er, I mean, why do people
kiss Mortogs? It might be that we want to earn NP, as Wilbur says. Or, maybe
you are a Mortog-kisser and already know. Hmm, I guess us non-kissers will just
remain with the thought that it’s weird and the people who do it are just as
strange. Yep, weird as it is, I guess we can’t stop them from doing it. The
habit may even be fun, who knows for sure? Personally, it’s dee-skust-ing! But
I guess they must have a good reason. The rest is up to you to decide, dear