The Search for the Gummy Slorg
When you stop to think about it, little slorgs are actually quite cute. They aren’t
THAT slimy and disgusting. So when I went shopping the other day and came across
a Banana Gummy Slorg, I was shocked and somewhat appalled. Did the gummy generator
(or whatever that thing that makes gummies) get a hold of mass amounts of slorgs
and turn them into gummies lab ray style?
I sat and stared at the gummy Slorg for awhile, debating on the ethnicity
of the little slug-like creature. Perhaps it was somebody’s beloved pet, only
to be stolen from them by the Pant Devil and sold on the black market. Maybe
this was the hidden ‘other job’ of the wacky Kookith that zaps your petpets
into something else. Maybe this is the secret spell Edna is working on all the
time in her tower. Or perhaps it’s just an innocent food that’s bought and sold
through average Joe Neopet? For the answer, I delved deep into the lurking past
of Gummy Slorgs.
Gummy Slorgs have a connection with actual slorgs. They resemble them perfectly,
even if they have a different smile and a particular color and flavor. I began
wondering if they might BE actual slorgs, only in hiding. I asked the Turmaculus
about this one. After numerous grunts and groans, I got the answer out of him.
Turmaculus: Thesh Sllorgs ‘ave a Guummmiee taslste.
Me: Do you mind repeating that? For dictation purposes.
Turmaculus: Thesh Sllorgs ‘ave a Guummmiee taslste.
Me: Do you mind spelling Gummmiee for me please?
Me: Thank you.
I translated that to be “These Slorgs have a gummy taste.” So we have mounting
evidence of a dark tumultuous past.
Next, I hid out in Edna’s shadowy green lit tower and came up with more startling
clues. Edna is famous for her weird spells and incantations, so who better would
have information about slorgs? On her shelves sat mountains of jars filled with
remains of various petpets. From the murky containers came jars of Slorg eyes
and tongues, a leg of Slorg (which is a new one in my book) and lastly, Skin
of Slorg. The latter had a label which said: This Ingredient is REQUIRED for
the recipe “Magic Amulet of Gummy Charming”.
I successfully snuck out of the tower without Edna spotting me and sending
me on a quest. I hiked to the lab ray, where the crazed professor was lurking.
The Scorchio was reluctant to answer my questions. My interview didn’t go quite
Me: Hello Professor. I’m not here to zap my pets. That’s actually really nasty.
I’m here to…
Professor: You do not have all the pieces to the map! Go away!
Me: Yes I do! I’ll prove it… No, that’s not what I’m here for!!
Professor: Then what is it? Spit it out!!
Me: I want to interview you.
Professor: Who, me?
Me: Yeah. First question. Do you know…
Professor: Me? You want to interview ME!?
Me: (clears throat) Yeah. Back to my question…
Professor: Well! Ask away!
Me: I would if you would give me a chance!
Professor: This interviewer is crummy, I want a different one.
I left shortly after, gleaning no information about the plight of the slorgs.
I decided to check out the Petpet ray.
Kookith: Oh, it’s YOU again.
Me: (shifts nervously) Waddyou mean ‘it’s you again’?
Kookith: Fine. I’ll answer the stupid questions.
Me: Heh heh, ok. Do you happen to have any information regarding…
Kookith: (interrupts) Hey, look! A camouflage paintbrush!
Me: Huh? Where!
Kookith: Made yah look! Ha ha! Ok, serious. Ask away.
Me: (groans) Do you have any information regarding slorgs?
Kookith: No comment. Anything else?
Me: No COMMENT!? Answer the question!
Kookith: I did. No comment. Ask me about Onas or something.
Me: How about gummies?
At this point, he grabbed my Blumaroo’s Weewoo and ran through the little hole
in the wall. I had to use my shrinking potion to go get him. But by the time
I wiggled through the wall, the Weewoo was a Barbat. You can see why I discriminate
against the lab rays.
My last stop was the Shop of Offers. I had a chat with some of the Slorgs that
have infested that page. It seems as though that’s the only page the Pant Devil
hasn’t looked for them, so they all flocked there. They even bribed you not
to say anything.
From the complied information from the Turmaculus, Edna’s tower, the Crazy
Professor, and the Kookith, I decided that something was amiss. And the last
piece of information clinched my argument that gummy slorgs are actually mutated
Slorgs. The Spooky shopkeeper of the Spooky petpets told me a mysterious story.
Me: Can you tell me anything about Slorgs?
Shopkeeper: I have many petpets to choose from. How’s about this Meepit?
Me: No, I just need information.
Me: (worried) Whoa, are you ok?
Shopkeeper: Only one can save them.
Shopkeeper: Are YOU that one?
Shopkeeper: This is something to be taken seriously. Slorgs HAD been in hiding
THOUSANDS of years…
Shopkeeper: And then they appeared in Neopia. At once they became coveted for
and fought over.
Me: Whoa, are you SURE you’re ok?
Shopkeeper: Wars were started over them.
Me: Heh heh, a long time ago, you say?
Shopkeeper: The Slorgs looked for a leader, but none stepped foreword.
Shopkeeper: They even made an Avatar.
Me: (nods) Yeah, I know, but you need some help--
Shopkeeper: Are you sure you’re not that one?
Me: No, I’m just an average Neopian, fighting for justice.
Shopkeeper: Alright then. Have a nice day!
This confrontation confused me immensely. The story was not in the Neopedia.
And some kooky Cybunny told it to me. But nonetheless, it looked as though I
proved my point.
Are Gummy Slorgs made of REAL slorgs? You decide.
NEXT ARTICLE: Snorkle Snouts!