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30 Neopian Items That You’ll Never See


by cuckoo102

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YOUR ITEMS - If you’ve been playing Neopets for a while (just long enough to not be considered a n00b), you’ll notice item’s that will amaze, disgust and confuse you. The fire and ice blade, baked Intesteen, and grape snowflake all fit into those divisions. However, there are some items that just shouldn’t exist for several reasons. Descriptions in Italics.

Neggs that you’ll never see

If you thought blue furry negg, ferocious negg, and witchy negg to be weird, be thankful these don’t exist!

1. Grey Negg

This negg isn’t happy. Maybe you can put it out of its misery by eating it! Info: Makes all your pets extremely unhappy, extremely hungry, and sick with an ultra-expensive disease, but doesn’t feed your pet. It also decreases non-max hp to zero and will decrease 99 points in all stats to all pets but compensates all of this with an avatar. :)

2. White Weewoo Negg

The Neopian Times is everywhere MUHAHAHAHHAHAHA! Info: Morphs petpet into White Weewoo. Also makes petpet missing if it is a Meepit.

3. Glittery Negg

This is taking the term “glittery” too far. Info: One use Battledome item. Damages your opponent with light and makes their screen blank.

4. Insane Negg

This Negg has an uncanny resemblance to Mr. InSaNe. Info: Sets your homepage to http://www.neopets.com/neoquest/neoquest.phtml or http://www.neopets.com/nq/index.phtml … permanently.

5. Uber-Negg

What does this do? Let’s find out. Info: Gives your pet a quest.

Battledome items that you’ll never see

Rainbow gun, Scorchio Glitter, Rohane’s armour polish: All strange-sounding weapons. Please, remember that these items DO NOT EXIST. If they did, it would be very cool… and gross.

6. Wand of the Dung Faerie

This rare item will unleash the power of dung upon an unsuspecting opponent. Info: Considered stealing item. Turns one of your items or opponent’s weapons into battle dung, dung scarab, dung shield, dung catapult, pile of dung (not a weapon) or a pile of sludge.

7. C|-|atsp33c Blaster of doom

Teh ultemet bateld0m wepen of d00m. Info: Posts all text on the opponent’s screen with chatspeak, causing the enemy to go bonkers and quit Neopets, in turn, causing you to win.

8. Delay-in-a-bottle

Need time to relax during a battle? Try this! Info: Multiple use. Freezes both sides for 5 rounds.

9. Brain Tree Brain Cell

This is SO not right. Info: Grosses opponent out for instant win.

10. Fake petpetpet

The ultimate Battledome weapon. Info: Gives the opponent a “you have found a petpetpet” random event after the battle, but doesn’t actually do it. Absolutely heartbreaking. Still, it makes the dark faerie eraser and Chia powder look good.

11. Instant avatar

No, THIS is the ultimate Battledome weapon! Info: Gives opponent a random avatar, so they instantly withdraw to test out the avatar. Very evil.

12. Battle Grey paint brush

The second most devastating weapon after Chia flour! Info: Paints your opponent Grey. Devastating.

13. Supersize gargooplegantugigagooberplex

What does the word gargooplegantugigagooberplex mean? Info: A pathetic amount of physical damage and defense, just like all the other supersize items. Still, it distracts your enemy when they try to comprehend the words on their screen.

14. Lupe flour

Why should Chias get all the fun? Info: Turns opponent into a Lupe.

15. Instant “Neopets is down for maintenance” page

‘Nuff said. Info: You don’t have to be a master genius(86) to figure this out.

16. Attack Asparagus

That’s just not right. Info: Causes 99 icons of earth damage in the Battledome and turns opponent into an asparagus Chia

Foods that you’ll never see

CAUTION: Extremely weird, imaginary, unusual stuff that you never hope to see ahead!

17. –Any jelly foods-

There is no such thing as Jelly World. Info: Gives an error page saying “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING, TRYING TO EAT JELLY FOODS?!?!?!? JELLY WORLD DOES NOT EXIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

18. Edible edition of the Neopian times

The Neopian Times is everywhere MUAHAHAHAHAHHA! Info: Food. However, when you try to feed it a second time to the same pet, they say “I have already read that before!”

19. Dung Shoyru Meatball

Error: Too gross to be on a public site like Neopets. Deleting item from Neopian database of existing items.

20. Chewing sludge

Sludge lasts 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 times longer than dung. Info: The gross food equivalent to the everlasting apple.

21. Angelpuss food cake

This is going to get a nasty Neomail from the petpet protection league. Info: Spooky food (who else would convert cute little petpets into edibles?)

Magic/special items that should never exist

This section is all about spoofy paintbrushes, codestones, and more.

22. Battle Codestones

Oh joy. Now everything is going to have the prefix “battle.” Info: Battledome item often found on the ground.

23. Old Look Paintbrush

Dang, that’s ugly. No wonder it’s old. Info: Paints your neopet one of the old looks from years past. WARNING: May cause heart attacks or extreme nausea.

24. White box with a red X in it Paintbrush

Aaaahhh! RUNNNNNNN! White boxes with red X’s! Info: Turns Neopet into a white box with a red X in it.

25. Bottle of dung sand

For the sake of Neopia’s sanity, don’t open it!!! Info: Cruddy Tombola booby item. Still, it’s not grosser than some of the food items you get from winning.

Miscellaneous

There are some ideas that shouldn’t be thought.

26. Scorched Scorchio Plushie

Oh my, this plushie was scorched. And I thought Scorchios had a resistance to fire. Info: Toy. If you play with a Scorchio, the Scorchio is painted Fire or Shadow (there isn’t a “Pile of torched ashes” color).

27. Snot Vegetarian Burger

Hmm… isn’t Snot already vegetarian? Info: Gross food. Very rare and very cheap (for a reason).

28. Mound of sludge

Now with .00000001% more sludge. Info: Tombola booby prize (figures).

29. Neopoint

AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Neopoints aren’t items!!! Panic! Panic! Panic! Info: Caused by html error created by one of the programmers leaning on their keyboard.

30. Three Dubloon Coin

There goes the neighborhood. Info: Very rare dubloon coin. It’s SO rare that the Shop Wiz doesn’t even know about it.

 
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