30 Neopian Items That You’ll Never See
YOUR ITEMS - If you’ve been playing Neopets for a while (just long enough to not
be considered a n00b), you’ll notice item’s that will amaze, disgust and confuse
you. The fire and ice blade, baked Intesteen, and grape snowflake all fit into
those divisions. However, there are some items that just shouldn’t exist for several
reasons. Descriptions in Italics.
Neggs that you’ll never see
If you thought blue furry negg, ferocious negg, and witchy negg to be weird,
be thankful these don’t exist!
1. Grey Negg
This negg isn’t happy. Maybe you can put it out of its misery by eating it!
Info: Makes all your pets extremely unhappy, extremely hungry, and sick with
an ultra-expensive disease, but doesn’t feed your pet. It also decreases non-max
hp to zero and will decrease 99 points in all stats to all pets but compensates
all of this with an avatar. :)
2. White Weewoo Negg
The Neopian Times is everywhere MUHAHAHAHHAHAHA! Info: Morphs petpet into White
Weewoo. Also makes petpet missing if it is a Meepit.
3. Glittery Negg
This is taking the term “glittery” too far. Info: One use Battledome item.
Damages your opponent with light and makes their screen blank.
4. Insane Negg
This Negg has an uncanny resemblance to Mr. InSaNe. Info: Sets your homepage
to http://www.neopets.com/neoquest/neoquest.phtml or http://www.neopets.com/nq/index.phtml
What does this do? Let’s find out. Info: Gives your pet a quest.
Battledome items that you’ll never see
Rainbow gun, Scorchio Glitter, Rohane’s armour polish: All strange-sounding
weapons. Please, remember that these items DO NOT EXIST. If they did, it would
be very cool… and gross.
6. Wand of the Dung Faerie
This rare item will unleash the power of dung upon an unsuspecting opponent.
Info: Considered stealing item. Turns one of your items or opponent’s weapons
into battle dung, dung scarab, dung shield, dung catapult, pile of dung (not
a weapon) or a pile of sludge.
7. C|-|atsp33c Blaster of doom
Teh ultemet bateld0m wepen of d00m. Info: Posts all text on the opponent’s
screen with chatspeak, causing the enemy to go bonkers and quit Neopets, in
turn, causing you to win.
Need time to relax during a battle? Try this! Info: Multiple use. Freezes both
sides for 5 rounds.
9. Brain Tree Brain Cell
This is SO not right. Info: Grosses opponent out for instant win.
10. Fake petpetpet
The ultimate Battledome weapon. Info: Gives the opponent a “you have found
a petpetpet” random event after the battle, but doesn’t actually do it. Absolutely
heartbreaking. Still, it makes the dark faerie eraser and Chia powder look good.
11. Instant avatar
No, THIS is the ultimate Battledome weapon! Info: Gives opponent a random avatar,
so they instantly withdraw to test out the avatar. Very evil.
12. Battle Grey paint brush
The second most devastating weapon after Chia flour! Info: Paints your opponent
13. Supersize gargooplegantugigagooberplex
What does the word gargooplegantugigagooberplex mean? Info: A pathetic amount
of physical damage and defense, just like all the other supersize items. Still,
it distracts your enemy when they try to comprehend the words on their screen.
14. Lupe flour
Why should Chias get all the fun? Info: Turns opponent into a Lupe.
15. Instant “Neopets is down for maintenance” page
‘Nuff said. Info: You don’t have to be a master genius(86) to figure this out.
16. Attack Asparagus
That’s just not right. Info: Causes 99 icons of earth damage in the Battledome
and turns opponent into an asparagus Chia
Foods that you’ll never see
CAUTION: Extremely weird, imaginary, unusual stuff that you never hope to see
17. –Any jelly foods-
There is no such thing as Jelly World. Info: Gives an error page saying “WHAT
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING, TRYING TO EAT JELLY FOODS?!?!?!? JELLY WORLD DOES
18. Edible edition of the Neopian times
The Neopian Times is everywhere MUAHAHAHAHAHHA! Info: Food. However, when you
try to feed it a second time to the same pet, they say “I have already read
19. Dung Shoyru Meatball
Error: Too gross to be on a public site like Neopets. Deleting item from Neopian
database of existing items.
20. Chewing sludge
Sludge lasts 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999
times longer than dung. Info: The gross food equivalent to the everlasting apple.
21. Angelpuss food cake
This is going to get a nasty Neomail from the petpet protection league. Info:
Spooky food (who else would convert cute little petpets into edibles?)
Magic/special items that should never exist
This section is all about spoofy paintbrushes, codestones, and more.
22. Battle Codestones
Oh joy. Now everything is going to have the prefix “battle.” Info: Battledome
item often found on the ground.
23. Old Look Paintbrush
Dang, that’s ugly. No wonder it’s old. Info: Paints your neopet one of the
old looks from years past. WARNING: May cause heart attacks or extreme nausea.
24. White box with a red X in it Paintbrush
Aaaahhh! RUNNNNNNN! White boxes with red X’s! Info: Turns Neopet into a white
box with a red X in it.
25. Bottle of dung sand
For the sake of Neopia’s sanity, don’t open it!!! Info: Cruddy Tombola booby
item. Still, it’s not grosser than some of the food items you get from winning.
There are some ideas that shouldn’t be thought.
26. Scorched Scorchio Plushie
Oh my, this plushie was scorched. And I thought Scorchios had a resistance
to fire. Info: Toy. If you play with a Scorchio, the Scorchio is painted Fire
or Shadow (there isn’t a “Pile of torched ashes” color).
27. Snot Vegetarian Burger
Hmm… isn’t Snot already vegetarian? Info: Gross food. Very rare and very cheap
(for a reason).
28. Mound of sludge
Now with .00000001% more sludge. Info: Tombola booby prize (figures).
AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Neopoints aren’t items!!! Panic! Panic! Panic! Info: Caused
by html error created by one of the programmers leaning on their keyboard.
30. Three Dubloon Coin
There goes the neighborhood. Info: Very rare dubloon coin. It’s SO rare that
the Shop Wiz doesn’t even know about it.