Neglected Neopians

Also by deldrimmor

Have you noticed the countless Neopians that go unnoticed everyday? Probably not since they’re UNNOTICED! But the more pressing question is: do these Neopians deserve to be neglected? I don’t think so.

I decided to introduce these poor ignored people to the rest of Neopia. I wanted to show people that these Neopians have feelings! I just didn’t know how.

I realized that I needed to give these characters a place in Neopia’s world wide publishing service: the Neopian Times. I asked for the help of an experienced NT writer and a good friend of mine, Deldrimmor. I dropped her a Neomail, got a notebook and pencil, and headed to her Neohome.

Soon I was walking up the front path of her Neohome and knocking on her door. Actually, I only knocked for the first fifteen minutes. After that, I used my handy-dandy Red Frost Cannon.

BAM! BAM! BAM! I covered the front of her door with ice.

…

BAM! BAM! BAM!

"Hey, is that Zell--

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY DOOR, YOU CRAZY KID?! I can hear you just fine! Now put the battering ram DOWN and back away!"

I opened the door (no small feat, considering it was frozen shut) to see a figure dressed in a full set of Neopian Times gear tumble in, holding a Red Frost Cannon in her arms, and talking a million miles a minute. I didn’t even get a chance to ask why she was using a Frost Cannon on my front door.

“DRIMMYIWANNASHOWNEOPIASOMEOFTHEMOSTNEGLECTED…”

She blabbed on for over a half hour, talking about helping neglected Neopians. Somehow she ended up convincing me to come with her on some strange expedition to Mystery Island to interview the Tombola Man. I agreed to help interview him as long as she kept her mouth shut. I brought my duct tape just in case.

We hitched a ride on the boat that took us from Neopia Central to Mystery Island. When we climbed off the boat and onto the shores of the island, Zelda arched her eyebrows at me. I mirrored her.

I stretched out my hand and we did our super-secret handshake.

-theme music-

“Let’s go, Zellie.”

Time for the interview!

The Tombola Man, or as I like to call him, Ickle Tommy, -pokes his belly with a stick- probably has the kindest soul in all of Neopia. Henceforth we should treat him with utmost respect.

-shakes hands with Tommy and settles into interviewer chair-

Drimmy: G'mornin, Tommy. I'm here to—

Zellie: WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR!?

Drimmy: -glares at Zellie- AS I WAS SAYING, I’m here to—

Zellie: Why do you wear such an ugly shirt?

Drimmy: -grits teeth- Zellie, why don’t you go interview the Shop Wiz. He’s the other guy in this interview. SEE? –wags list in front of Zellie’s face-

Zellie: OH! RIGHT! –runs off to Shop Wiz-

Drimmy: Ahem, as I’ve been trying to say, I’m here to interview all those poor underappreciated Neopians, so people'll notice them. Seriously, where is the love?

Tommy: What? Where? Sorry, what are we talking about?

Drimmy: Pshh. ANYWAY. Some kid went by your Tiki Tack yesterday screaming "AUGHH! I HATE YOU! I DON'T WANT ANY MORE SANDALS! YOU CAN KEEP YOUR SANDALS!" I mean, you hear that a lot. Does the fact that everyone hates your stand and your booby prizes depress you at all?

Tommy: Someone came by my shop and said that? That's a rude thing to do! How depressing. Did you know that a lot of people have been doing that lately?

-sigh-

Obviously, Ickle Tommeh isn’t the sharpest tool in the chest.

Drimmy: Speaking of which...You keep giving out sandals to people that don't want them, how come you're not wearing any?

Tommy: -looks at his feet- You mean I'm not wearing any sandals? -blinks- Ha! All this time and I thought I was! I wonder where I can get a pair... Maybe Kauvara will have some...

It doesn't seem like my questions are denting his ego... Hmmm. I need to try harder.

Drimmy: Soooo. Why do winning tickets have to end with a zero? Or a two? Or a... FIVE? I HATE twos! Do you have something against the other numbers? Is this discrimination? I just pulled a 56, why can't six be a winner? This is so illogical.

Tommy: Illogical? It's perfectly logical! You see, I can't use 1 'cause it's the first number, I can't use three 'cause it's lucky, and I can't use 4 since it comes after 3. Then, I can't use 6 'cause it's just bad, I can't use 7 since it's lucky too, I can't use 8 'cause everyone knows you can't, and well, I just don't like 9. That leaves you with 0, 2, and 5. See? Perfectly simple and logical! –faints from lack of oxygen-

Drimmy: -pours water on Tommy’s head- Did your mother drop you on your head when you were a baby?

Tommy: Wha—

Drimmy: And what’s with the mask? It covers your eyes, how do you see? Why do you even use it? WHY? Don’t you want people to see your identity?

Tommy: Ah, it's... Oh yes, that's because I MUST always look happy! See? -points to mask- I look happy! HAPPY! -giggle- Happy, happy, happy! –snort-

Drimmy: Okay there, no more sugar for you. Anyway, you spend a rather long time on Mystery Island. You pretty much stand there the whole day. -lowers voice to a gossipy whisper- So, like, which, like, person on like the island do you TOTALLY hate the most?

Tommy: Least favorite? I'm too kind-hearted to have a least favorite. -looks around- Jhuidah. Definitely. She's so nosey. She's always pestering me about my prices.

Drimmy: You get hour-long breaks, I see. Where do you GO during your breaks?

Tommy: I go to annoy Jhuidah. Hehe, sweet revenge.

Drimmy: If you actually went to school and got a proper education, where do you think you'd be now? A real occupation perhaps, Tommy?

Tommy: Hmmm... A proper ejimacation... I would be... I would be a lawyer. Then I could replace that stupid lawyerbot that never says anything helpful.

Drimmy: You know, you're a bad role-model. You broke the neorules. Asking for donations is against the rules, like duh. Especially 200,000 NP. How outrageous. REPORT HAPPY TO THE RESCUE! -points finger and flaps around n00b-style- ONG REPORTED! I REPARTED U 2 TNT! BEGGARS ARE DISALOWED IN NEOPETS!!111 GET UR OWN NP U NOOB!

Tommy: -looks around- Hey, listen, this is really bad for business. -slaps-

Drimmy: -composes self- Where would you go on vacation if you ever had the opportunity?

Tommy: Hmm... I'd like to visit Mystery Island. I've heard they have great tours.

Drimmy: If you were forced to have everything taken away from you but one prized possession, what would it be?

Tommy: That’s easy: my sandals. I don't know what I would do without them.

Drimmy: You don’t HAVE sandals. GAH. Tell me something about yourself that no one else in Neopia knows.

Tommy: Oh, that's easy! No one knows that I have short-term memory loss. At least I don't remember telling anyone... Oh, did I mention that I have short-term memory loss?

Drimmy: Do you pride yourself in having the most useless, overpriced shop in Neopia? A green magnet with an ugly Coconut on it for 1500 NP. Buahhaha. What an ugly Coconut.

-Pango Pango lumbers into the scene and sits on Drimmy-

Tommy: Thank you, Pango. Would you mind escorting Miss Spaz off the premises?

Thoroughly smushed, I left the Tombola Man. He’s so rude to visitors; he totally deserves his neglected fate. -looks at watch- Uh oh. Time to go rescue the Wiz from the clutches of Zellie.

…

After I helped Drimmy get started on Ickle Tommey’s interview, I went to take care of the Wiz.

The Shop Wizard. He’s probably the most useful being in all of Neopia. How would we be able to survive if he didn’t sift through millions of items everyday? He deserves everyone’s respect, but does he get what he deserves?

-stares at Wiz-

Wiz: Errr... can we start the interview?

Zellie: Oh, right. Heh, sorry. Ahem. Well, I’m here to interview you, and unappreciated Neopian. People like you and the Tombola Man deserve more attention. So, first question. We all know that everyone calls you the Shop Wizard. What I want to know is: do you have another name? I mean seriously, who in Neopia would name their kid Shop?

Shop: -eye twitch- AUGHHHH! -hyperventilates- DON'T EVER MAKE FUN OF MY NAME!!! It's high school all over again! 'Shop' is UNIQUE! I have a destiny, a job! Unlike the Tombola Man. Pfft. Why is he even in this interview? I thought it was for underappreciated Neopians who nobody notices. -sniffle- Like myself.

Zellie: -looks around- Er... sorry. Why don't we go to the next question? So, Shop, why do you feel unnoticed? If you go on the help board, the trading/auctions board, or the shop board your name comes up more than any other Neopian's.

Shop: Okay, fine, perhaps I am noticed. But repent! For I am disrespected! Sure, all those lazy fat kids post "look it up on the wiz!" "use the shop wiz noob" which has made me so popular, but they're just putting me to work. Agonizing, painful piles of work. Why do they make ME search it up? They're all USING me! YOU'RE using me too! GAH! I'm sick of it allll. Why do I do everyone's job? ANSWER ME!!

-intermission while Shop searches up some medication for himself-

-music-

-end intermission-

Zellie: You also described yourself as underappreciated. What exactly do you do that is so difficult? I mean, why should we appreciate you more than say, Illusen?

Shop: More than Illusen? Darn right you should respect me more than that slacker. -cough- Stupid faerie… sitting on her pile of leaves and forcing more people to use the "Shop Wizard" to get her items for her…

Zellie: Speaking of your grudge against the faeries, why won't any of the faeries besides Taelia and Illusen let users use the shop wiz for quests? Seriously, if they want something done fast, what's wrong with you?

Shop: Wh.. Wha... WHAT did you SAY?! What's wrong with ME? Grrrrrrr..... -breathes in and out and counts to 10- Erg, everyone takes things for granted. When they ask me to mindlessly search for items, they don't never ever never think of the Neopian who went through all that trouble finding the item for them. As for the faeries, it looks like not all of them are as lazy as Taelia and Illusen, thankfully so.

Zellie: Do you ever take a break, like Ickle Tommy? If you don't... WHY? WHO IN NEOPIA DOESN'T EAT OR SLEEP?

Shop: Ugh, breaks... The only time I get a break is when I've been used so extensively that I have to give the users a time-out. And I still have millions to serve during that time. It's enough to drive someone crazy. About the eating and sleeping. I'm a wizard. Chduh. I can zap myself food. Or something.

Zellie: Why is it that neither you nor Tommy wears shoes? Did you even notice?

Shop: Oh, don't even get me started about that Tombola Man. I HAVE shoes, dozens of them, that's ALL I ever get from Tombola!! Piles of smelly useless sandals. They're not even wearable. It's more comfy to wear nothing than those strange things.

Zellie: We've discussed the fact that this is a hard, trying job. Why is it that you do it for free? -shifty eyes- Or, do you do it for free?

Shop: I do it for free, absolutely free. I'm crazy, I know. Well, it does have its benefits. I get this uber-cool wizard outfit. It's like the coolest thing in Neopia.

Zellie: So, since you work for no fee, don't all the millions of the goods that you browse through everyday make you want to take any? Like STEAL?

Shop: Ohhh, don't you dare accuse me of stealing, missy! As much as I hate it, I’m proud of my job. I could never steal something from a PERSON. My wizard powers can whip me up what I want.

Zellie: From what you say, being the Wiz is a pretty hard-to-get job. How did YOU get appointed?

Shop: Family legacy, I’m afraid. My father’s father was Larry Wizard, but getting appointed as Wizard of the Shops meant he had to change his name. -cough- His identity became known far and wide as Shop Wizard. Henceforth, when I took my daddy’s place I’d become the new Shop Wizard. The pecking order, you know.

Zellie: Nice! Was your— ulp!

Someone grabbed me from behind. I turned around. It was Drimmy. She looked a little annoyed and… flatter?

“Hi, Drimmy! What’s up? Done talking with Tommy?”

She started dragging me away.

“WAIT! I haven’t even gotten to ask him if he sleeps with a night light! Or…”

My voice trailed off. I realized I had what I needed. A few words from a couple of neglected Neopians.

It’s time to show them to the world.

Mission accomplished.

Zelleh out.

…

I dragged Zellie away from the Wiz, who looked like a bundle of nerves.

I had saved the Wiz, and now, I can show the world the real Ickle Tommeh.

Mission accomplished.

Drimmeh out.

-theme music-