Still thwarting Sloth's mind control... Circulation: 98,662,396 Issue: 167 | 19th day of Storing, Y6
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The Villains Behind the Scenes- Kauvara


by shape_shifter1992

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NEOPIA CENTRAL - I had recently finished checking out Kauvara’s store for magic supplies and was groaning in frustration when it hit me like a thunderbolt out of the blue. Okay, so thunder doesn’t send bolts out of the sky, and the sky isn’t really blue when there’s a storm, but that’s not the point. -waits for snickering to stop- Ahem. As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, the question struck me like a flash.

Where does Kauvara get all those bottled faeries she sells?

As we all know, the one responsible for the bottled faerie industry is Balthazar, one of the menaces of Neopia. Kauvara is a (supposedly) good and kind shopkeeper selling magical items and potions to benefit the citizens of Neopia, devoting her life to this business. So, what is this model citizen doing associating with one of the most hated villains of Neopia?

The shocking yet true answer is that the gentle and benevolent storekeeper is only a front. In fact, Kauvara is actually one of the great villains of Neopia!

-waits for laughter to stop- Don’t interrupt! It’s extremely impolite! Okay, by now I know you all think I’m crazy, but hear me out! By the end of this article, you will side with me and help me in my quest to rid Neopia of this threat!

I have a couple of reasons why I believe Kauvara is an evildoer in Neopia. First off is the point I mentioned earlier- the fact that she sells bottled faeries. I mean, come on! What sort of Neopian would sell the cruelly imprisoned faeries who do naught but help us? Okay, so the dark faeries are an exception, but would you enjoy being shrunk to a miniscule size and imprisoned in a teensy bottle? That must be torture, especially for the claustrophobic faeries! The only alibi that one would have for doing such a thing is if you are a shady figure of Neopia who has some sort of agreement with Balthazar. Which, apparently, Kauvara is.

Kauvara also probably has a whole stock of Transmogrification Potions in her larder just waiting to be used. Hey, don’t interrupt the narrator! What’s that you say? You have a question? -sighs heavily- Fine, fine, go ahead, but make it snappy.

Oh, so you all think that Kauvara got rid of those potions? Where would she have put all of them? No, indeed, she still sells Transmogrification Potions in her shop, y’know. In fact, she’s probably one of those cloaked shady figures in alleyways that hand out Transmogrification Potions to poor, unsuspecting pets!

“Well, why would she do that?” you ask. Well, the only reason is that she’s a danger to Neopia. Oho, but she’s not operating solo. No, in fact, she’s in cahoots with the inventor of Transmogrification Potions and a sworn enemy of Neopia, Dr. Frank Sloth himself! Think about it. Her supply of Transmogrification Potions would run out sometime, and who better to provide her with even more Transmogrification Potions than the creator of them himself!

-waits for hysterical laughter to stop- STOP INTERRUPTING ME! -waits for fresh bout of laughter to die down- Finally. Now, as I was saying, Dr. Sloth is probably supplying Kauvara with many Transmogrification Potions to hand out to unsuspecting Neopets as part of his plan to take over Neopia. Plus, it probably gives him something to do as he gathers the materials necessary to take over Neopia (which, I assume, is a large amount, judging by the time since his last attack.)

However, Kauvara isn’t just any one of Sloth’s cronies. Oh no. In fact, she’s even more of a brilliant mastermind than Sloth himself! (Well, Sloth isn’t much of a mastermind, but… ah, never mind. She’s a brilliant mastermind of unparalleled rivalry! There, happy?)

To show you why she is such an intellectual, we must go back to the fact that she is posing as a shopkeeper. Not only does the shopkeeper ruse act as a curtain to hide her true nature behind, it also gives her the opportunity to earn extra Neopoints! Why would she do that? Simple- to assemble enough magical objects and fearsome weapons to take over Neopia or overthrow anyone who takes it over first! In fact, that’s probably one of the reasons why her shop is almost always sold out- because she’s keeping a majority of the items for herself! With this great stockpile of mystical items, she could take over Neopia in a flash!

“So why doesn’t she just take over Neopia now?” you may wonder. Simple. She could just take over Neopia, as you say, but then she would be said to have taken advantage of a peaceful world whilst they were unprepared. Therefore, in order to show her prowess, she will assist Dr. Sloth in taking over Neopia, then double-cross him and rule Neopia unassisted! Quite clever, no?

As you can see right in front of your nose (well, some pets don’t have noses, but that’s not the point,) Kauvara is one of the dark denizens of Neopia with alliances with two great villains, both of which have gained places in the Gallery of Evil. If you still don’t believe me, well, you just wait until Kauvara takes over the world! Those who believe me, you can start helping me to overthrow this evil tyrant starting now! Your first task is… to make sure Kauvara doesn’t get a copy of this article. -hides in corner and scowls at the laughter filling the room-

From the darkest corner of this room, this is shape_shifter1992, signing off! And praying that Kauvara and her fans don’t find me soon…

Author’s note: Ehehe. ^^;; All of this is completely fictional and I have no idea or not whether Kauvara really is so evil. Though it is a possibility. Positive criticism is welcome, and please don’t bombard me with Neomails saying that Kauvara is not evil! And, by the way, this is my first article for the Neopian Times, so if this gets published, thanks so much Snowflake! =D

 
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