Tyrammet Village, so many mysteries, so many UGGGs. But what is the real story
behind the grass huts and simpleton folks? Many have tried to solve the mystery
of this small village, but they have all been driven insane by the UGGGA UGGG!
of the prehistoric coloured neopets that live there and currently reside in the
Neopian Hospital. If you plan on talking to them, prepare yourself for a lot of
screaming about the head elders of Tyrannia; believe me, I have tried getting
information from them.
So I have decided to investigate the truth of this village that possesses
no hygiene. First I checked the Neopedia for articles about this village, but
when I asked the librarian for the Neopedia so I could check out the village
in Tyrannia, she yelled at me for making things up about Neopia and ordered
me to leave. On the way out, I grabbed a Tyrannian-to-English Pocket Dictionary,
so I could understand the people I was going to be questioning.
I decided to bring Angel1313774 with me (because her IQ is WAAAAY higher than
mine). She decided to go mostly because she was worried about what my sanity
would be like when I returned if I went alone.
I walked the long distance from my neohome in Happy Valley to the Tyrannian
Jungle. When I was about halfway there, I took the Tyrannian-to-English Pocket
Dictionary from my backpack to take a look at it. The first page read:
UGGG: an exclamation used for anything that you want to say
UGGA: an exclamation used for anything that you want to say
I just chucked the stupid book into a cave.
When I got there, I went immediately to the Tyrannian Town Hall (passing about
13 angry Neopians yelling about how long you had to wait for the Wheel of Monotony).
I approached Kyruggi (the Head Elder) for questioning. The interview went something
Me: Do you know anything about the Village in the Tyrannian Jungle?
Kyruggi: UGG, uh, yes!
Me: Okay, can you tell me a bit about the Village?
Kyruggi: Uh, yes!
Me: Please tell me about the Village.
Kyruggi: Yes, me tells UGGG UGGA Village.
Me: I would like to hear the information about the Village sometime
before the War in Maraqua is over!
Kyruggi: War in Maraqua? Grarrg go UGGG fight!
Me: Yes, there is a war in Maraqua. I came here to get information!
Kyruggi: Maraqua UGGG that way. *points to the south*
I just gave up on Kyruggi after that. I just don’t get how she got to be the
Head Elder of Tyrannia. If she’s the smartest one around here, I figure that
all the rest must be complete idiots!
Angel tapped me on the shoulder,
“You know, the war in Maraqua is over.”
“Oh, I didn’t know that,” I replied, blushing. (See! She does know more than
I didn’t bother talking with Myncha, because he was only interested in getting
his bamboo stick up his nose, or Grarrg, because he would probably declare war
on Terror Mountain if I went up to him - Tyrannians are so unpredictable and
I didn’t want to take any chances. But Sabre-X was worth a try (and he’s kind
of cute, too).
I walked up to Sabre-X, cloud notebook and air faerie pen ready.
“What do you know-” I started, but was interrupted.
“If you are interested in joining the Sabre-X Fan Club for lupesses, please
contact gator2468, President of the Sabre-X Fan Club. If your free omelette
was stolen by the Pant Devil, it is not my problem and I will not permit you
to take another omelette. No, I will not play a game with you or your pet today
or any day in the near future. Have a nice time in Tyrannia, good day to you.”
Sabre-X crisply finished his speech and trotted off in the direction of the
giant omelette. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open.
Needless to say, he did not help me a bit.
Next, we walked the half-mile to the village itself. When we FINALLY arrived,
I saw a big sign saying:
‘TYRANNIA IS FREE!!! THANKS EVERYBODY FOR HELPING!!!’
Well, at least the person who made that sign knew proper English. That raised
our spirits somewhat. I scribbled in my notebook that ‘some people in the country
of Tyrannia know how to communicate with people of other countries.’ I wanted
to leave our expedition with something written in my notes, so my friends wouldn’t
think that I just came here and lounged around instead of being a reporter.
When we walked into the village, we were greeted by a chorus of “UGGGA!”s.
It was basically grass and straw. And dung. LOTS of dung. I pinched my nose
because it smelled so awful. Angel sneezed beside me.
There were a lot of grass huts, more than I can count to. Angel quickly counted
and announced that there were 132 huts. I didn’t really care, but I wrote it
We walked through the village, and I was revolted at everything I saw. A Korbat
waving a flaming twig through the air, a scary flaming hut (scary because nobody
was doing anything to try and put it out), and a Mynci throwing rocks at random
things (including himself). I tried to stay out of everyone’s way, but it wasn’t
easy. I managed not to run into (or have anything run into me) for 5 minutes.
I bet that was a record.
A Tyrannian Acara came up to us, staring blankly at my bracelet. “UggA, UGG
“UGGA ugg inform-A-ugg!” Angel replied, trying to talk in the Acara’s fasion.
It didn’t work.
The Acara started running around in circles yelling, “UMBADUGGG!” His yells
soon brought the whole village to us, some of which joined in his cries. The
Acara leapt at me and tried to rip my bracelet off of my arm. Apparently they’re
attracted to shiny things. Just like me… when I was five.
Angel gave me a look that plainly said, “LET’S GO!” So we ran for it. We stopped
when we reached the furniture store. We could still their yells in the distance.
We sadly fled with an empty notebook, a bruised wrist (that Acara pulled HARD)
and the yells of the Tyrannians still ringing in our ears.
My conclusion? Tyrannians are insane. But you probably already knew that, so
this article was completely pointless. Oh well. Maybe I’m just not cut out to
be a reporter.
I hope you enjoyed my completely pointless article! Please don't neomail
me about joining the Sabre-X Fan Club...