Voice of the Neopian Pound Circulation: 107,594,495 Issue: 215 | 4th day of Storing, Y7
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UGGG! Huh?

by gator2468


Tyrammet Village, so many mysteries, so many UGGGs. But what is the real story behind the grass huts and simpleton folks? Many have tried to solve the mystery of this small village, but they have all been driven insane by the UGGGA UGGG! of the prehistoric coloured neopets that live there and currently reside in the Neopian Hospital. If you plan on talking to them, prepare yourself for a lot of screaming about the head elders of Tyrannia; believe me, I have tried getting information from them.

So I have decided to investigate the truth of this village that possesses no hygiene. First I checked the Neopedia for articles about this village, but when I asked the librarian for the Neopedia so I could check out the village in Tyrannia, she yelled at me for making things up about Neopia and ordered me to leave. On the way out, I grabbed a Tyrannian-to-English Pocket Dictionary, so I could understand the people I was going to be questioning.

I decided to bring Angel1313774 with me (because her IQ is WAAAAY higher than mine). She decided to go mostly because she was worried about what my sanity would be like when I returned if I went alone.

I walked the long distance from my neohome in Happy Valley to the Tyrannian Jungle. When I was about halfway there, I took the Tyrannian-to-English Pocket Dictionary from my backpack to take a look at it. The first page read:

UGGG: an exclamation used for anything that you want to say

UGGA: an exclamation used for anything that you want to say

I just chucked the stupid book into a cave.

When I got there, I went immediately to the Tyrannian Town Hall (passing about 13 angry Neopians yelling about how long you had to wait for the Wheel of Monotony). I approached Kyruggi (the Head Elder) for questioning. The interview went something like this:

Me: Ummm…Hi.

Kyruggi: UGGG!

Me: Do you know anything about the Village in the Tyrannian Jungle?

Kyruggi: UGG, uh, yes!

Me: Okay, can you tell me a bit about the Village?

Kyruggi: Uh, yes!

Me: Please tell me about the Village.

Kyruggi: Yes, me tells UGGG UGGA Village.

Me: I would like to hear the information about the Village sometime before the War in Maraqua is over!

Kyruggi: War in Maraqua? Grarrg go UGGG fight!

Me: Yes, there is a war in Maraqua. I came here to get information!

Kyruggi: Maraqua UGGG that way. *points to the south*

I just gave up on Kyruggi after that. I just don’t get how she got to be the Head Elder of Tyrannia. If she’s the smartest one around here, I figure that all the rest must be complete idiots!

Angel tapped me on the shoulder,

“You know, the war in Maraqua is over.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that,” I replied, blushing. (See! She does know more than me!)

I didn’t bother talking with Myncha, because he was only interested in getting his bamboo stick up his nose, or Grarrg, because he would probably declare war on Terror Mountain if I went up to him - Tyrannians are so unpredictable and I didn’t want to take any chances. But Sabre-X was worth a try (and he’s kind of cute, too).

I walked up to Sabre-X, cloud notebook and air faerie pen ready.

“What do you know-” I started, but was interrupted.

“If you are interested in joining the Sabre-X Fan Club for lupesses, please contact gator2468, President of the Sabre-X Fan Club. If your free omelette was stolen by the Pant Devil, it is not my problem and I will not permit you to take another omelette. No, I will not play a game with you or your pet today or any day in the near future. Have a nice time in Tyrannia, good day to you.” Sabre-X crisply finished his speech and trotted off in the direction of the giant omelette. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open.

Needless to say, he did not help me a bit.

Next, we walked the half-mile to the village itself. When we FINALLY arrived, I saw a big sign saying:


Well, at least the person who made that sign knew proper English. That raised our spirits somewhat. I scribbled in my notebook that ‘some people in the country of Tyrannia know how to communicate with people of other countries.’ I wanted to leave our expedition with something written in my notes, so my friends wouldn’t think that I just came here and lounged around instead of being a reporter.

When we walked into the village, we were greeted by a chorus of “UGGGA!”s.

It was basically grass and straw. And dung. LOTS of dung. I pinched my nose because it smelled so awful. Angel sneezed beside me.

There were a lot of grass huts, more than I can count to. Angel quickly counted and announced that there were 132 huts. I didn’t really care, but I wrote it down anyway.

We walked through the village, and I was revolted at everything I saw. A Korbat waving a flaming twig through the air, a scary flaming hut (scary because nobody was doing anything to try and put it out), and a Mynci throwing rocks at random things (including himself). I tried to stay out of everyone’s way, but it wasn’t easy. I managed not to run into (or have anything run into me) for 5 minutes. I bet that was a record.

A Tyrannian Acara came up to us, staring blankly at my bracelet. “UggA, UGG Tyrammet Vil-UGG!”

“UGGA ugg inform-A-ugg!” Angel replied, trying to talk in the Acara’s fasion. It didn’t work.

The Acara started running around in circles yelling, “UMBADUGGG!” His yells soon brought the whole village to us, some of which joined in his cries. The Acara leapt at me and tried to rip my bracelet off of my arm. Apparently they’re attracted to shiny things. Just like me… when I was five.

Angel gave me a look that plainly said, “LET’S GO!” So we ran for it. We stopped when we reached the furniture store. We could still their yells in the distance. We sadly fled with an empty notebook, a bruised wrist (that Acara pulled HARD) and the yells of the Tyrannians still ringing in our ears.

My conclusion? Tyrannians are insane. But you probably already knew that, so this article was completely pointless. Oh well. Maybe I’m just not cut out to be a reporter.

I hope you enjoyed my completely pointless article! Please don't neomail me about joining the Sabre-X Fan Club...

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