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An Interview with Edna the Witch

by scottypritchett


HAUNTED WOODS - Edna the witch. If you ask a Neopian who hasn’t been to the Haunted Woods they would probably say, “Edna who?” or “Witch, agghhhh!” and run away screaming. I, Achaein the Gelert, and of course Alexander, my brave noil, plan to unravel the aura of mystery surrounding this resident of the Haunted Woods, or perhaps we won’t make her less mystifying but hopefully with some luck we can interview her.

After many days of travel we finally reached our destination of the Haunted Woods. Finding Edna, luckily, didn’t prove to be much of a challenge as, erm, Haunted Woodians? Knew where to find her quaint little hovel.

To be truthful it wasn’t quaint nor was it little. What a sight it was, a large tower reaching up to the sky, its windows (or did it even have windows? I’m not sure) wide open and emanating light green light, as well as some less than pleasant smells. Small tendrils of smoke hung about it, some rising towards the sky like wispy serpents.

When I finally gathered the courage to take a few steps forward a loud bang and a flash of light issued from the tower causing us both to jump and regret our decision. “…We’ve got to do this, for the Neopian Times!”

When I lifted my paw to knock I realized it was shaking terribly. When I did knock the hollow noise could be heard traveling through the spooky structure, it was silent a few moments afterwards and I could feel my heart pounding like a drum at Gadgadsbogen.

“Coming, coming!”

A green zafara stood in the doorway; her back was slightly hunched and a black, pointy hat rested atop her head. Clapping her hands she smiled delightedly, “You must be here to help me, yes, yes, I need some reagents to complete the spell I've been working on.” Her voice was rough.

“Er well, not really, I’m here to in--”

“Mortog legs and fried neggs!”


“Well, what are you waiting for?! Get me a mortog and some neggs!”

The door slammed shut and I was left shivering as a chill breeze blew past.

What else was I supposed to do? I went straight to the Haunted Woods marketplace and got as many neggs as I could carry; oddly they seemed to lack happiness neggs…


“I’m coming, I’m coming!”

A loud crash could be distinctly heard and a few seconds later the witch opened the door, her hat slightly askew.

“Ooo, yes, you’re back!”

“Well, I have the neggs but I am not a supporter of harming petpets.”

“Give them to me! A wonderful brew I shall make!”

The zafara snatched the neggs I had so diligently collected right out of my paws without further ado and the door slammed shut…again.


“What do you want?! Oh! I almost forgot!”

A spider on a string flew out of one of the upper windows.

“Edna! I wish to interview you for the Neopian Times!”

Her black, pointy hat popped out of the same window the spider had flown out of, “The Neopian Times, eh? Fine! I’ll let you in if you’ll just leave me alone afterwards!”

This time I was allowed in, Alexander bouncing on my heels close behind. A large red cauldron was set against the wall, from which a green bubbling liquid was slurping, smoke from it rising in myriad directions. The zafara hurried about setting things to straight before she ushered me to a bone chair and sat down on one herself.

“Shall I begin?”

She clapped her hands, “Certainly, begin, do begin!”

Achaein: “Hum, hm! Why do you live here in the Haunted Woods?”

Edna: “Well, why shouldn’t I live here in the Haunted Woods? It seems so lovely a place, quiet too, which allows me to concentrate, except when I am interrupted by bothersome neopets--” she shot a sideways glance at me-- “however, sometimes they do help me.”

Achaein: “Where did you learn the spells that you know?”

Edna: “Many places.” The witch chortled gleefully pressing her palms together. “I originally started learning from Jhudora, yes child, Jhudora, don’t look at me like that! I ran a few errands for her, gathered a few items; soon I fell in her favor and she began to teach me some of her magic, a little each day, once I had given her the item she requested earlier of course. The things she asked for began to be more expensive; they were harder to find and she demanded them soon, or she would forsake me. It came that one day whilst I was searching through shops for her latest whim that I discovered I had spent my last neopoint earlier. I didn’t dare to risk the wrath of the dark faerie so I never returned to her, or Faerieland for that matter.

“But hold, that’s not all, darling. I was going to the Money Tree one day to see if I could get a small bag of neopoints or so when instead of a beckoning sum, under the tree lay a dusty tome, unmarked. I picked it up and left, hoping to sell it for some food. While walking to the auction hall curiosity finally forced me to lift the cover and glance over the pages. Good thing Jhudora had taught me or else I would have passed it off for nothing, but indeed, it was a book of spells! Imagine my delight, a whole book ripe for me to learn and grow from! That is how I started upon my journey and of course through my experimentation I have found other spells.”

Achaein: “I see, a very interesting story. If I may ask, what spell were you working on when you asked me for a mortog and neggs?”

Edna: “Spell? Oh, no, no sweetie that was my breakfast!”

Achaein: *Cough*

Edna: “Something the matter dear?”

Achaein: “Erm…next question: Why do you reside here, in a tower, why not a regular neohome?”

Edna: “Ummm, it is so large, I have room to put all my ingredients and… other things.” She kicked something that almost looked like a Balthazar plushie under the table.

Achaein: “Why do you send people to get you items for your spells? Why not get them yourself?”

Edna: “And have a wonderful spell ruined? Bah, nonsense! I find that while people are away I can further the spell along and make sure that whatever I am working on does not get ruined. Plus, running about the marketplace looking for a snowglobe or plushie!”

Achaein: “Why do you make potions and such?”

Edna: “Ehehehe, why, with my potions I can make the vainest Acara love the ugliest Tuskaninny or make purple spots appear on the prettiest Uni. Plus, I have to have something to make neopoints, how else would I afford all these things I give away?”

Achaein: “But if you didn’t make potions you wouldn’t have to give things aw--”

Edna: “Next question!”

Achaein: “Where did you originally gr--”

A loud knock fell on the door and Edna unseated her herself to shuffle over to it. It creaked open on its hinges. “Well, hello sweetie, are you here to help me? Ah, yes, good, good, you must get for me a whisker from Balthazar and I will reward you greatly! Thank you!” She slammed the door shut and hobbled back to her previous spot.

“That shall keep them busy--” she cackled. “How they do annoy me sometimes. You were saying?”

“I, er…”

“Continue if you will!”

Achaein: “Right…where did you originally grow up at?”

Edna: “Hrmph, Neopia Central, no more to be said.” She waved her hand and looked flustered.

Achaein: “Why is it that your spells seem to have names that make little sense?”

Edna: “Little sense? They make perfect sense! If even so, what else would I call them: Draught of Love, Smell of Glee?” The zafara crossed her arms and snorted.

Achaein: “Why do you wear that fu-- Why do you wear that hat?”

Edna: “Eh?” she looked up, cross-eyed, at the hat. “This little trinket? I found it laying on a shop shelf one day and it caught my eye, so why wouldn’t I wear it?” She settled a bug-eyed gaze on me.

Achaein: “No…no! it looks absolutely, erm, lovely on you! Thank you for your hospitality and letting me interview you; however, I am afraid I must be going. Pssst, Alexander.” The white petpet looked up from a staring match currently happening between him and a spyder.

Edna: “Good! Now I can return to my work! Before you’re going, would you like some snorkle pie?”

Achaein: “Uh…no thanks…”

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