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Magic Smelly Socks - USEFUL?!


by fip

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Extra Thick Goggles? Eww!

Magic Cookie? Nah!

Onion Balm? Blehh!

Magic Smelly Socks? YEAH!!

Uhh... yeah. After that interesting introduction, I will proceed to introducing you to the idea of this article.

Magic Smelly Socks.

Wait wait wait! -grabs you by the back of your shirt- Don't worry! There won't be any demonstrations!

-sighs from relief seeing you come back-

Well, unless my socks count... they're not really magical, but they're.. uhh... wait! WAIT! I was kidding!

Anyway. Don't worry, I'm here to bore you with a philosophical-medical-spamical article about the art of the Magic Smelly Socks. I started doing that, but at the 16th letter I wrote I fell asleep. That 16th letter, by the way, was the S of 'Magic Smelly Socks'. So, as you see, I didn't get very far.

What I'm here to lecture you - I mean, explain to you - I mean, err, entertain you about is why Magic Smelly Socks are useful.

And yes, there is more than one reason to that.

Sheesh, you just think medically, do you? I bet a nerdy thought called "Used to cure a Neopet with Bloaty Feet" just floated in your brain, didn't it? Admit it!

Yeah. So, this bogus article is about why Magic Smelly Socks are useful.

Oh, I said that already? Sorry, I just fell asleep in the middle, and when I woke up a few days later I sort of forgot.

Umm, I think I lost a few dozen readers that were reading this part, so I'll get to the point before you'll leave too.

That will be horrible. Oh. Devastating.

Don't go! I wasn't kidding!

I mean, I was... uhh... yeah. We're starting.

1) Used to cure a Neopet with Bloaty Feet.

Teehee. Sorry. Just had to write that one down.

2) A warning "sign" to put on your room's door to keep your bratty siblings away. YEAH, THAT MEANS YOU, BRATTY SIBLING!

DISCLAIMER: The author does not condone in any way calling your bratty siblings bratty. I mean, they might hit you or something!

Uhh - and - uhh, it's a very wrong, wrong thing to do. Come on, they're your darling -chokes- little siblings, be kind to them!

DISCLAIMER #2: The author does not in any way promise that she herself acts according to Disclaimer above, and asks you not to be influenced by her (unless you want to be really cool and not a mega dork).

3) A weapon stronger than any other weapon...

Come on, admit it. If your opponent in the Battledome sees you holding a Sword of Swordsen - I mean Skardsen - he may quiver and shake and do in his pant- err, but that's it. If he sees (and smells) your Magic Smelly Socks, he'll probably run away and bathe for days in tomato juice...

4) Stuff it in your enemy's sandwich... :D And of course, if it's too big (and looks suspicious), you can always cut it and put the next part in their sandwich a few days later.

DISCLAIMER #3: The author does not condone in any way... blah blah blah.

5) The perfect bookmark for a book.. come on! Let's say you stick it on page you stopped on. (Notice the 'Let's say'... because I don't think many people really do this.) Later on it'll be much easier to smell what page you stopped on, right?

DISCLAIMER #4: The author does not take in any way the blame on losing any popularity you had amongst your friends due to the smell you'll have.

6) Create more Magic Smelly Socks! Stuff 'em in the ground, water them and let the sunlight do the rest of the growing!

DISCLAIMER #5: The fact that 'the rest' really = The socks turn soggy and then dry into an even ickier pile of Magic Smelly Socks, does not mean that the idea above isn't correct. It just means that it's a lie.

7) Defeat your enemy and cause them a major embarassment.

(Other name: Look like the Pant Devil with his underwear flag)

Well, let's say someone in your class is really popular. And cool. And everything you're not.

Now, you really want to make him look like a simpy wimp.

1) Take your handy dandy Magic Smelly Socks.

2) Take a pole. (You may steal the Pant Devil's pole.)

3) Put the socks on the pole.

And my favorite step...

4) Declare to the world that 'These are [Popular Dude]'s socks!' and watch the dude turn beet red. Unless he already was red before that, so he'll turn green from shame. Unless he was already green before that, so then he'll turn blue from... uhhhh... lack of air.

DISCLAIMER #6: See Disclaimer #3.

8) Write an article about them.

As you can see, it's a very good idea, considering it worked for me.

DISCLAIMER #7: The author does not promise in any way that you will accepted with an article about the subject, nor does she promise that she won't laugh at you if you get rejected.

9) Write about them for your NeoSchool homework report. Y'know, the one where you're supposed to write about the dearest thing to you in the world.

DISCLAIMER #8: The author is not responsibe for you getting a big, fat, red F on you report. Hee hee hee!

10) Give them to me! :D

You know, this article really made me feel closer to the dear socks. In fact, I think I'll start raising them in a nice, pretty home, just for them! Doesn't that just make you go 'Awwww'? Good! Now, won't you be a dear and send me your Magic Smelly Socks?

DISCLAIMER #9::The author will not take responsibility for the fact that by the time her Magic Smelly Sock collection will get to 500, she will inflate their price by 10 and sell them all.

Hmm... you see? It was worth reading this article after all, wasn't it? These Magic Smelly Socks could get you an NT trophy, revenge for your worst enemy, a cool bookmark, protection from your siblings, an A+ on a report, and tons of wins in the BD! They aren't too bad, are they, after all! ;)

DISCLAIMER #10: The author will not take responsibility for the fact the Magic Smelly Socks could also get you another rejection, a pitiful embarassment in front of your friends, an awful stench, beating from your siblings, an F on your report and many, many losses in the BD.

 
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