This Article is a Part of Your Balanced Breakfast
Cereal. A seemingly normal part of your breakfast table. But how much do you know
about it, really? Not that much, I'm guessing. So now I must assume the role of
your history teacher...*grabs grey wig and talks in a nasally voice* Well, class,
today we're going to explore the wonders of...
*snaps fingers in front of your face* Did you enjoy the short nap? Good. Then
grab some neocrunch and read the article!
About the Word
Well, you probably eat cereal every day, but do you know what the word cereal
actually means? *grabs reading glasses and dictionary*
Cereal- An edible, starchy grain that blah, blah, blah.
*throws dictionary over shoulder* Aw, who cares? Here's MY definition!
Cereal- The stuff in a bowl that your owner makes you shovel down every morning.
Now, isn't that better? The word "cereal" comes from the Neolatinus phrase
"see real Al", which means absolutely nothing! (Who is this "real Al" anyway?)
Over time, see real Al evolved in spelling and pronunciation until it became
the word cereal. But what does seeing real Al have to do with the stuff floating
in a bowl of milk? I don't know, why don't you ask Al?
The Beginning of Cereal
The earliest neopets didn't have cereal (horrifying, I know). Instead, they
would just eat bacon, or sausage, or one of the many other BORING types of breakfast
foods. Then, one day, someone ground up a piece of stale bread, mixed it with
other stuff, baked it in the sun, and the first primitive cereal was born!
Milk with cereal came along later. A teething baby neopet could not chew his
Crunchy Kacheek Cereal, so they poured milk on it to soften it. Not long after,
a tooth-losing plague went around, and everyone started doing it! (Pouring milk
on their cereal, not teething or losing teeth.)
Cereal Through the Ages
Throughout Neopian history, cereal has changed a lot. Cereals have become
much tastier (and sweeter, too). For example, Coco Neocrunch, a definite improvement
over normal neocrunch (in my opinion, but not so much in the opinion of the
Cereal is obviously still eaten today. Many different cultures affect today's
cereal, for example, Faerieland and their Enchanting Strawberry Cereal.
Not only does culture affect the kinds of cereal that exist, it also affects
how the cereal is eaten.
Neopia Central eats their cereal... well, normally! How boring!
In Terror Mountain, they actually don't use milk on their cereal, since it
freezes quickly, and reheating your cereal over a fire every five minutes is
not very convenient. So, instead of doing the completely unthinkable and just
eating it dry, or scarfing it down (such a waste of good-tasting cereal!), they
came up with a better solution. Instead of using milk, they use snow.
Citizens of the Lost Desert are at a disadvantage (and no, I'm not talking
about the fact that they had Sahkmet City randomly vanish). Many Lost Desertians
love using milk on their cereal, but it evaporates very quickly, leaving a powdery
white residue. So, instead of wasting their precious liquids, causing them to
run around yelling, "WATER!!", they prefer eating dry cereal.
On Krawk Island, cereal is eating with much "Arr"-ing around the breakfast
In the Haunted Woods, many pets (or ghosts) use the haunted variety of milk
with their cereal. When they can manage to eat their cereal at all, I mean.
Cereal, for some unexplained reason, quickly becomes ghost-like if left untouched
for periods of time. But who doesn't love floating, transparent, blue-green
cereal that can walk through walls and yell, "Boo!"?
Pets on Kreludor have a hard enough time eating anything that is one piece,
let alone something like cereal, which floats all over the room while you're
trying to eat it. Of course, diving all over the room trying to catch your cereal
is both great exercise and also a fun game to play.
The Island Natives on Mystery Island love cereal! But sand often gets in there,
causing it to become a very gritty meal. Bizarre native fruits are often thrown
in there too, to eliminate the sandy taste.
Cereal in Meridell is eaten with potatoes. Or is it... made with potatoes?
Or is it both made and eaten with potatoes? Or could it be that they pour potato
juice (is there such thing?) over it? Well, you get the point. The way
they eat cereal involves many potatoes and their byproducts.
While cereal is eaten almost everywhere, it isn't quite so popular in Maraqua.
(It tends to get a little soggy, you know?)
It's also not eaten on the Space Station, because Sloth will not allow it.
I mean, how dare they eat, breathe, sleep, or even look at anything that doesn't
have his face plastered all over it! Oh, and by the way, if Sloth asks, I never
Cereal in General
Why Love Cereal?
Ok, I'm astounded that you would ever ask such a question! Why wouldn't
you love cereal? Do you actually need a reason? Well, *sniff* if you
don't love cereal because of this article, at least love cereal for its sake!
Cereal is still very popular! That's why I'm taking (or wasting) the time
to write out this... somewhat strange... article on it! If you didn't know that
by now, I'm wondering if you actually read this article!
*Slams book shut and talks in a nasally voice again* Ok class, now I want
a fifty page essay on the wonders of a cereal molecule, due in ten minutes,
and your test is in thirty seconds and on everything I've covered in the last
Author's Note: Eat your cereal. Every. Day. Anyone who is caught neglecting
their cereal will be visited by the NCEEA (Neopian Cereal Eating Enforcement
Disclaimer: The author does not condone of punishments given to people by
the NCEEA for not eating cereal, but she will point and laugh. So, EAT YOUR