Interview with a Princess: the Admired Amira

I, dear reader, had braved the sizzling heats of Sahkmet that day, with a certain goal in mind: to interview the illustrious, and much courted, Princess Amira of the Lost Desert. Such an elusive character was not about to escape my persistent questioning, for I am much too dedicated to my readers (non-existent ones so far, but the thought is rather nice, don't you think?) to let a little sweat and discomfort stop me.

Valiantly, I made my way through the lively city, passing the alluring scents of rich, outlandish foods, the cheers of crowds as they watched the performances of the many talented buskers, and the cries of the few beggars (being the kind, generous person that I am, I could not help but spare a few neopoints to such a heart-breaking cause). I soon realised that my pathetic assistant had wandered off (that silly Giles is always getting into trouble). Rather peeved, but still loyal to my sympathetic (but rather brainless) sidekick, I dutifully set out to find him.

Retracing my steps skilfully, I tried to put myself into the shoes of the wandering devil (if I was an idiot, where would I go?) After some careful thought, I decided that the young Wocky must have been so captivated by the exotic musicians that his feeble mind must have become entranced in the music, causing him to lose complete focus of everything around him.

I had just about lost all patience when I felt a paw tap me on the shoulder from behind.

"I say, Giles, what the devil to you think you were doing, wandering off like that?" I said, turning around to face somebody that definitely wasn't Giles.

What should have been a blank-faced, overgrown green Wocky with a satchel-bag turned out to be a puny, little red Ixi with a rather odd-looking tattoo imprinted on his arm.

"Why, you're not Giles..." was all I could come out with.

"No. I'm not. Who's Giles?" questioned the little Ixi.

"Why, he’s my good for nothing assistant. I'm afraid he must have dawdled a little while and got lost."

The Ixi scratched his head.

"Assistant, you say?" he asked rather surreptitiously. I searched his eyes but found that they could not be read easily. He was only young after all, but you can't be any less suspicious nowadays, what with so many villains about...

"Yes," I said after awhile, "I’m a journalist. We're going to interview the beautiful Princess Amira, who I don't suppose you've ever met...why I almost forgot! What is it that you wanted?"

Now it was the Ixi's turn to look me over.

"Oh, you just looked a little...lost, that's all. Thought you might have needed a bit of help."

"What! ME? LOST? HOW DARE YOU? Why, do you know who I am?"

Such disrespect! Such horrendous questions! As you can see, reader, I had lost my temper, as anyone with sense would in my situation.

"No offence meant, Sir," the Ixi said quickly, "I'm sure someone like you could find your way around any old place. I was just trying to help, you know, be a good citizen and all that. A lot of tourists visit here every once and while, and most of them end up getting all confused, what with all the many streets. Good day to you then, Sir."

And with that, the little Ixi walked off, leaving me scowling.

I searched a little more, still a little huffy, when I noticed an ice cream shop. Now ice cream ALWAYS cheers me up. Excitedly, I hurried to the counter, ordering the largest serving of chocolate ice cream available, but when I went to pay, I realised that…I DIDN’T HAVE MY WALLET!

The first thing that came to my mind was that I’d been robbed! And I’m guessing it was that little rotten scamp of a red Ixi! To this day, I cannot prove this, but I take it was him, there was something so suspicious about him, so horrible, so off…Oh, I’m rambling, aren’t I?

Well, back to my search for Giles.

As you can imagine, I was even more agitated now that I realised I had lost my assistant and my wallet. Steam boiled out of my ears as I walked out of the shop and into a tall, hard object.

“OW!” I cried. This simply wasn’t my day.

“Oh, there you are, Garson!” retorted the tall, hard object that turned out to be Giles.

“I suppose you’ve been looking everywhere for me…” I muttered, rubbing my poor nose.

“Ummm…not really…I just went to buy myself an ice cream, that’s all.”

“Oh, is that so?”

“Yes,” he replied, a goofy smile stretching across his face, “I had the largest serving of chocolate ice cream available. Really hit the spot! …You’re turning a little red in the face, Gar…I say…are you all right?”

I felt as if I was about to explode. That ungrateful pig, wandering off without me like that and…

“BUYING CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM! HOW DARE YOU?”

Giles bit his lip.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I walked a whole lap around the shop to work off the calories. I know how you like all the ‘getting in shape’ mumbo jumbo.”

Luckily for Giles, I decided to say nothing, preferring to switch my attention back to the mission ahead: the interview with the most esteemed Princess of the Lost Desert, Amira.

Taking Giles by the arm, I dragged him and his overstuffed satchel-bag (Giles was a major fan of the Lost Desert comics, and he said that he simply couldn’t bear to part with our collection whilst we set out on our adventure. Personally though, I think he was desperate for Princess Amira's autograph to show all of his friends back at the Gourmet Club) back into the hustle and bustle of the city. We stopped only 5 times to ask the directions (silly Giles had left the map back at the Royal Neopian) and finally we made our way up the rustic steps to the palace of Sahkmet.

Reaching the entrance, we stated our business to the guard and were allowed to pass through after a good twenty minutes (Giles couldn’t resist asking him about all of the villains he had had to force away). Quietly, we stepped into the dimly lit foyer, treading carefully so as not to make a sound as the whole place echoed. Oddly enough, it reminded me of a library, the atmosphere was too peaceful, almost as if it was strained... Something was definitely up.

A short, gruff looking Kacheek passed me by. He looked a little over excited but I decided to try my chances anyway.

“Kind Sir, do tell me,” I began, meeting his squinting eyes benevolently, “where I can find the most her most esteemed Highness, Princess Amira?”

The Kacheek looked at me for a second.

“I’m sorry, my boy,” he said finally, “But I’m a little deaf in one ear…could you, err…speak up just a bit?”

“Where can I find Princess Amira?” I asked a little louder.

The Kacheek cupped a paw around his ear and uttered “What?”

Growing frustrated, I shouted, “WHERE IS THE PRINCESS?”

The Kacheek took a step back, eyeing me irritably, “Hey, you know there’s no need to shout! The Princess is at the other entrance of the palace, about to give an announcement to the people of Sahkmet. Now off with you, child!”

With a sigh, I gathered up Giles, and began to strut forward defiantly.

“Ummm…Garson?”

“WHAT, GILES?”

“Erm…where are we going exactly?”

Even though I didn’t like to admit it, Giles did have a fair point. Unwilling to admit that however, I proclaimed smartly, “Why, to find someone who can tell us the way to the other entrance, of course.”

“What about that Kacheek?” asked Giles.

“WHAT ABOUT HIM?”

“Whoa! No need to get angry, Gar. I was just wondering, that’s all.”

“Well you’d best keep your huge trap shut!”

“Yes, Sir!” Giles uttered timidly.

Although it may seem sadistic and cruel, I cannot help finding pleasure in frightening Giles a little every so often. But going back to business (after suppressing a hasty chuckle) I now had to find somebody who could direct us to the Princess. Noticing a smartly dressed Chomby standing still as a statue beside a pot plant.

Approaching her as gentlemanly as I could, I asked, “Excuse me, Madam, but can you show me the way to entrance where her Highness, Princess Amira, is about to deliver her announcement?”

The Chomby stared straight back at me. I couldn’t bear to think that she might have been half deaf too.

“I say, Madam, did you hear me clearly?”

Still she did not answer.

“Madam, it is quite rude to remain silent when one asks you a question!”

Silence was my only answer.

“HELLO IN THERE!”

“What the devil are you doing, young man?” a crabby voice interrupted.

Turning, I saw the confounded kacheek I had met earlier standing next to a puzzled Giles.

“Talking to this woman!” I cried.

“I don’t know what you said, boy, but I’d suggest you to get away from that piece of artwork! It is extremely valuable you know, and I’m sure that the Princess will not appreciate you spluttering all over it!”

Oh. How embarrassing. I felt my face blush. I must have looked that moment like a very ripe tomato.

“You must forgive Garson, Sir,” Giles whispered a little too loudly, “He is a little slow sometimes....”

“GILES!”

“Oh…very sorry, Gar, won’t happen again!”

Finally, after the Kacheek had given us some rather pathetic directions (so pathetic in fact that we got lost 6 times! And Giles even had the nerve to say that it was my fault for offering to remember them) we reached the entrance and a whole horde of chaos.

An obscure madman was firing a lot of strange magic around. The huge assembled crowd were panicking as the strange fellow shouted words that I couldn’t make out over the deafening screams. All Giles could do was gibber.

My eyes searched for the Princess, and valiantly met their beautiful target. She seemed to be in a state of mortal peril, yet still retained her well-known spunk. I knew I had to do something though.

Bravely, I rushed towards her, pushing past servants, and avoiding balls of shiny blue substance that seemed to be bouncing around everywhere. But some idiot got in front of me, tripping me; I rolled down the stairs and out of the palace. Giles soon followed.

From the ground, I looked up in pain as a bright light hit my eyes. The palace was glowing an odd colour…and then…it had just…GONE! WHAT?

Oh! Confounded day! And if matters couldn’t get worse, they sure did! A lot of strange, terrifying creatures were suddenly parading around the streets of the city; the space the palace had left was simply full of them!

3 days later, Giles and were back safely in our hotel room at the Royal Neopian…in bandages! With no interview I was, of course, a little peeved to say the least.

“Garson…?”

“WHAT, GILES?”

“Ummm…I know you’re all ready really angry but…”

“WHAT?”

“I…I lost my satchel-bag,” cried Giles, literally bursting into tears.

Oh, what a pity. All of those lovely comics - gone.

Well, my dear friends, this is how I leave you, bandaged, wallet-less, comic-less and most of all, interview-less. I hope however, you have enjoyed my recount. But now, do excuse me, I’ve got to go and attack that overgrown Wocky!