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Employment Agency: What is really going on?


by blue_castle44

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FAERIELAND - Ah, the Faerieland Employment Agency. Taking care of all of Neopia's pets by keeping them off the streets. But is it really beneficial to your pets? What really lurks behind the doors of this yellow Faerie building? Do you really want your pets being employed by someone you've never met? Enough with these questions!

My fear of the employment agency comes from way back. I rarely visit Faerieland. It frightens me so. Anyway as it is “Faerieland” I shall tell you my story as if it was a faerie tale, which it most certainly is not:

One happy day in Neopia, I was walking through the lovely land of Faerieland. Not so very lovely really in my opinion but I needed it to sound cliche. Suddenly a large frightening building of doom loomed over me. "AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" I screamed in terror. What could this horror be? Oh, but I think you know already. The evil Faerieland Employment Agency! What a frightening menace to society! I overcame my fear and was able to get an interview the the owner of the Agency:

Me: Hello. Thank you for agreeing to this article. Just for the record there were no weapons involved.

Agency Owner: Then what is that ray gun for?

Me: What ray gun?

Agency Owner: Stop waving that thing around! Okay! THERE IS NO RAY GUN!

Me: Thank you for admitting that.

Agency Owner: Grumble.

Me: No I have some questions for you. Why did you create this agency.

Owner: To employ the helpless pets of Neopia of course! (He chuckles).

Me: Helpless?

Owner: I, ahem, mean that I am going to help them of course! Yes! That's it!

Me: Alrighty then. Anyway I find it disconcernating (bothersome) to talk to a disembodied voice in the wall. Could you come out?

Owner: (silence)

Me: Hellooooo??? Where are you?

Well, that wraps up my interview with them. It is so hard to find nice people to interview these days. Well this proves something. I know it does. Anyway, on with the article with my five main reasons why you shouldn't trust this Agency:

5) The Faerieland Employment Agency success rate. It is only 99.5%. Do you really want your precious pets working somewhere that isn't perfect? I would never let my poor Uni near the place! What if it turns out like the freaky factory with pets being mutated left right and center! Who wants their pet to turn Darigan or something? NOT ME!!!! Isn't there some sort of union against this stuff?

4) Their slogan. Who would really want to "Put 'em to work"? Personally, I pamper my pet. My snoogy-woogums wouldn't want to work, would she now? Don't recruit your pets to a slave driver! And do we even know who is running the place? Have we ever seen that mysterious voice who tells us that there are no job postings currently? Why do they hide from us? I think that they have some terrible secret to hide...Sure I have spoken to them, but still! It's rude to ignore the people you are speaking to! Why did they disappear that way?

3) The colour of their building. Okay, this might sound a bit controversial to you, but really, who trusts their neopet to someone who decorates with yellow and purple? My gosh! Really, couldn't they have hired a decorator? I hear wockies are quite good at that. You'd think a faerie would have more style sense! I know a Grarrl who styled his neohome terribly and look how he turned out! He cooks for that Earth Faerie who runs faerie foods! That poor guy… Now, if you want some real style, just check out the Virtupets Space Station. That place is snazzy! One of my favourite places to vacation, personally. It is beautiful there. If you are going to decorate, always start out with using sheet metal. It gives you an “out of this world” look. Greens always work nicely too. Adding a bit of slime just gives a place shine. Ever eaten at Grundos? Now that is one amazing restaurant. Well, I’ll stop talking for now. I’m a bit off topic. Back to the list!

2) Their testimonials. First of all, I believe that the yellow Chia, Goodee2shuz, really is brainwashed. If you had a choice, you wouldn't work. You're lazy. Don't you think I know you well enough to say that? Second, these pets don't really exist. If you search their names, do you find them anywhere? No. That shows that they never existed, or their memory has been wiped from the face of Neopia for good. Frankly, that frightens me. One day hum-de-dum minding your own business. A second later, BOOM! Those faeries are dangerous. Don't trust 'em.

Now we come to the number one reason you should stay away from this terrible place. What is this reason?

No, it's not that the owner is rude. What are you asking me for? Scroll down and read the number one reason! Sheesh, you thought you'd get the answer easier than that didn't you?

Drumroll please! DRUMROLL PLEASE! Oh, darn. My drumroller has left me again. One of these days I really need to go out and hire some decent minions. It seems to me that you can’t find good minions anywhere anymore. I’ll just have to do this myself. Dum-da-da-dum-dum-dA-DUM!

1) Faeries are just plain evil. That is the reason! Think of Queen Fyora who keeps such expensive things up in her Hidden Tower. That's the reason the Employment agency exists! She lets pets work their way up there so they can buy a wonderful item like the famed Maraquan Battle Duck, and then she strikes them down. How does she do it? She's in league with the Pant Devil, of course! And Illusen too! What a terror! If I were you I would give up completely! Just join Sloth and stay away from the evil land of the Faeries forever I say! Sloth takes very good care of your pets! No troubles there! Mwahahahaha! And then Neopia will be mine!!!

A Note: This message was not sponsored by Sloth. It couldn't have been. Why are you thinking it was Sloth? STOP THINKING!!!

 
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