NeoQuest II: Behind the Scenes
"Live in your world. Get eaten by a vampire bearog in mine."
How many times have you read that sentence? If you're like me, you've read
it multiple times daily for the last 10 months. Sure, you may know what goes
on with the NeoQuest characters while they're fighting, but do you know much
about their lives outside of the game? Of course not, because they're always
busy and never do any interviews! But my aim is to change that. I am going to
track the four of them down and insist they stop at the next city to conduct
I started my search for them in the home of NeoQuest II's first act, Meridell!
After having some rather delightful tea at Rohane's mother's house, I snuck
out of Trestin and headed towards a nearby cave. Finding it deserted, I went
east. Finally, after hours of clawing through some particularly thick woods,
I entered a different cave. The cave led to a small island on which a tower
was built. After slowly going through three looooong temple levels, I finally
reached the top level, expecting to find Rohane. But when I got there...nothing...
Suddenly, I heard some quiet angry-sounding mumbling coming from the corner.
"Who goes there?"
The voice belonged to Zombom, the powerful wizard who had lowered White River's
bridge. I asked how Zombom felt after his (obvious) defeat, and he declined
to comment. Instead he shouted, "Get out of here before I Decimate you!"
Following his suggestion, I dashed out of his temple and down south through
White River and down across the plains, before stopping again at Lakeside. While
there, I found the Hermit. "Hello."
The Hermit seemed quite startled at my sudden appearance. "Huh? Where'd you
come from? I haven't had a visitor since... well, since that Blumaroo and his
Acara friend came around..."
"How long ago was that?" I asked, hopeful to get an answer that could help
pinpoint the party's precise placement. (Try saying that five times fast!)
"Oh, a few weeks ago at the least. Now go away, and don't mention to anyone
else about my location. I've had way too many visitors since that darn Blumaroo
"But you just said he was your last visitor?" I questioned, but the Hermit
provided no further answers.
Since Rohane and Mipsy had been spotted by the Hermit weeks ago, I skipped
ahead to the Haunted Woods. When I got there, the sun was still up, so I had
hope. I sped past Count von Roo's castle and went straight for the Cave of Dark
Things. While navigating, though I had a map, I still got hopelessly lost. For
days I stayed there, living solely on pools of slime. Or perhaps it was only
a few hours. It's hard to tell when you're stuck in a cave with hundreds of
The Happy Fun Non-haunted house was the next area I searched for the NeoQuest
stars in. I went through the creepy building hurriedly. Honestly, the building
was creepier when it was "Happy Fun Non-haunted" than when it was actually haunted!
As I emerged from the house, the Brain Tree boomed, "Halt! I know what you seek!"
Even though I wanted to inform him that "Who goes there?" was the next sentence
to that phrase, I didn't. Instead I waited expectantly for him to continue.
"You are looking for Rohane, Mipsy, Talinia, and...what is the other one's
name? I can't remem--um, I mean, Velm."
"And where are they?"
"How should I know? After all, I'm only a lowly tree stuck in the ground with
my sole organ perched atop my branches!" the Brain Tree replied. At least, that's
what I think he said. Ok, you got me. That was actually what I said, mocking
him. What he really said was, "..." Nothing! Instead, he got his point across
just as clearly nonverbally by shooting several sharp Brain Tree splinters at
As I retreated from the attack, I tripped over a stray tree root. And the
sun went down. "Great. Just peachy!" I mumbled. They had gotten away and were
now somewhere in Faerieland! Quickly as possible, I raced through the Goo Bog
and met up with the Esophagor.
"Yooouuu muuuussstt feeeeedd meeeee!"
Of course, it made perfect sense to me how a villain could be unmercifully
mashed into the ground, and still be worried about his appetite later.
I pulled out a piece of the Stuff.
"Ttthhhee Stuffff! Nooo, ddoon'tt hurrrrtttt ittt!"
"Let me past," I warned.
Since it didn't appear that I was going to be let past, I used my secret weapon.
I ate the Stuff. And let me assure you, everything you've heard about the Stuff
is untrue. It's all hype. After eating the Stuff, nothing happened to me (except
gaining a feeling of being overly full that intensifies every hour).
Travel through Faerieland went at a fast pace until Cumulonimbus. Getting
lost there was the least of my worries; I was running out of Neocrisps to snack
on! The Devilpuss, like everyone else so far, didn't seem to be happy about
finding me disturbing him. Since meeting the Devilpuss was a once-in-a-lifetime
experience, I tried to interview him.
"Why are you evil? What happened to you as an Angelpuss?"
"Being evil is so much more fun! Who wants to be an Angelpuss anyway? You're
expected to be...well...angelic all this time! And Angelpi are such followers!
I am an original!"
"But you do know that Devilpusses are a petpet now? You've got tons of followers!"
"What? I do? Nooo!" The Devilpuss flew out of Cumulonimbus, yelling something
about going to find his Lawyerbot.
Finally, several days later, still searching, I arrived at Terask II's tower.
Terask II was just sitting there peacefully, gazing at a picture of Fyora longingly.
"Only so long until I capture you again, Fyora!"
Again?! Did that mean...? I hoped not!
Terask looked up suddenly. "Yes, again. That dumb blumaroo and his friends
set her free a day or two ago! I'm just going to wait here patiently until they
get here again on this difficulty, and then I get to destroy them!" Terask exclaimed
"Argh! You stupid, overgrown--" I didn't even get to finish my sentence. Terask
simply swatted his paw at me, and easily depleted all of my hit points (and
then some!). I lost half my gold and found myself awakening elsewhere (Lakeside,
since I hadn't bothered to rest since).
I hobbled out of Lakeside to Phorofor (and I can't remember why I was even
bothering by that point). And in the middle of the desert, beating up a dust
scarab, was Rohane and Mipsy!
"Hey!! Can I have an interview?" I shouted.
Between strokes of his overly heavy-looking sword, Rohane said, "You...have...awful
The fight concluded, and I got my interview. And also Obliterated by Mipsy,
who had taken considerable damage while Rohane had been distracted.
"Those healing potions taste soooo disgusting!" she complained. "Here, I'll
let you experience it first hand."
"No, thanks, that's al--" I tried to say, but I was interrupted by Mipsy's
Ouch. One hundred damage at once hurts. A lot.
Oh, yeah, the interview? It wasn't all that important, so I won't bother repeating
it. So I guess you just read that whole article for nothing, huh? Well, at least,
you didn't trek all over Neopia for it...