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King of the Castle


by demonfury666

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MERIDELL - Have any of you played Castle Battles? Have you fired cannon after cannon only to be blown to pieces? Well, if your castle resembles a pile of rubble, you could do with some help. Here are fifty ways to make your opponent's castle tremble.

1. Fire Petpets and claim you thought you were playing Petpet Cannonball. Your opponent will be so shocked and worried about the poor Kookith lying outside, they won't notice a real cannonball until it's too late.

2. Fire thousands of Waterfish into the opponent’s castle. It will soon flood, and they will definitely surrender.

3. Just shoot the opponent's cannon. Simple, really.

4. Steal the Wocky Tank from Swarm 2. Who needs a dinky little cannon?

5. Fire a dung neopet into the castle. The stench will be so unbearable your opponent will flee.

6. Who needs cannons? Just make your own army and attack!

7. Save up a LOT of Neopoints! Go to the Hidden Tower and buy a loads of Ghostkerbombs. Pack them all in your cannon and fire. Your opponent will not have much of a castle when you're finished.

8. Fire a Laugh Grenade into the castle. How can they aim at you if they're laughing?

9. Build a S750 Kreludan Defender Robot, like the one on Kreludor. You'll find that lasers work quite a lot better than cannonballs.

10. Get the Pant Devil to steal your opponent's cannon.

11. Make the Pant Devil give you the cannon it stole. Now you have two!

12. Tell the Snowager your opponent stole a very valuable item. Hopefully it will slither off, destroying the castle and leaving you with a lot of treasure!

13. Hire Snow Beasts from Snow Wars 2 to fire at your opponent.

14. Ask our good friend Coltzan for an incredibly good cannon.

15. Send a magical plushie to your opponent. Hopefully he should turn into something that can't use a cannon, like a Flotsam (flippers can't load cannons).

16. Grow a brain tree inside your castle. Your opponent won't DARE knock it down.

17. Board a pirate ship, take the cannons, run like the wind and put the cannons in your castle.

18. Just cheat. You're supposed to let your opponent fire at you after you've fired. Who's going to stop you just firing away to your heart's content?

19. Make sure your opponent's castle is built out of bricks from Destruct-O-Match 2. You'll only have to click them and they'll disappear!

20. Tell your opponent there is a new avatar for losing at Castle Battles. They'll be perfectly happy to let you win.

21. Shove Turmaculus into your cannon. That's ONE MEAN CANNONBALL!

22. Politely ask the weather to make a very large storm over your opponent's castle.

23. Make a horde of Tonus ram the castle.

24. Wait till your opponent goes on holiday. THEN knock down his castle!

25. Tell your opponent his castle is the new resting place of Eliv Thade. He won't want to hang around.

26. Take the Hissi monster from the Deserted Tomb and send it to attack the castle. Your opponent will scream and run away.

27. If you can't get the Hissi monster, dress up as it!

28. Paint yourself Invisible and sneak into the castle. You should be able to tamper with your opponent's cannon.

29. Paint yourself Camouflage and sneak into the castle. Destroy the cannon and steal some valuables.

30. Paint yourself Halloween and scare the living daylights out of your opponent.

31. Take one of Edna's horrible potions and tell your opponent it is a Pale Elixir. What will happen? No one knows, but it's sure to be something nasty!

32. Tell your opponent your castle is cursed, and if anyone tries to destroy it they will be cursed too.

33. THE MOST SIMPLE PLAN YET. Simply don't turn up, that way you can't lose. (Okay, you can't win either.)

34. Aim a lab ray at the castle. Maybe it'll turn into soot!

35. Pretend to be an architect, and say that the castle is unstable and needs to be demolished. Who's going to argue?

36. Declare that the Marblemen have returned and escape is the only option.

37. Gamble both your castles on a game of bilge dice. Make sure the game is rigged in your favour.

38. Steal Dr. Sloth's Battlecruiser from Neverending Boss Battle. Enough said, really.

39. Build an unstable molecule and fire it at your opponent. WARNING: This plan may go terribly wrong!

40. Tell Jhudora your opponent stole her book of Ultimate Evil Spells. However, this is a very dangerous plan, as she is renowned at seeing through lies. You may end your days as something very sticky and ugly.

41. Dress up as the Island Mystic. Yell some rubbish about portents of doom and how your opponent's castle has been cursed, and he should run like the wind.

42. Give your opponent a little welcome with the X-Scrub 4000 Walker Bot. You can find one in Evil Fuzzles from Beyond the Stars. I'm sure that nice little Grundo will let you borrow it...

43. Tell your opponent you have a severe phobia of being fired at, and if he fires he could trigger a dangerous relapse that will make you go very mad and desire to eat castles.

44. Go to the Haunted Woods and make friends with Magax. Ask kindly for him to fire his energy bolt at the castle. I wonder what will happen?

45. Fire a Pirate crew into the castle. Your opponent won't be very happy, though.

46. Dress up as a giant banana. This is a common plan throughout Neopia, which, surprisingly, always seems to work in your favour.

47. If all else fails, dress up as a giant carrot. No one will suspect your real intentions.

48. Paint yourself and your friends grey. When night approaches, you can launch a surprise attack!

49. Ask the extremely loud band Twisted Roses to play outside the castle. The noise will be so terrible your opponent will do nothing but scream.

50. If all else fails and you can't get hold of the Wocky Tank, or a giant banana costume, you can surrender. This way, you keep your own castle intact, and you can buy a giant banana costume for next time.

Well, there it is fellow Neopians, the easiest ways to destroy your opponent's castle! No one should be able to stop you, and you shall never be a pile of rubble again! But remember, not all of these plans are safe, and I do not take any responsibility if you are turned into a frog, can't get out of your banana costume or the Wocky Tank is being held for repairs at the local mechanics.

So goodbye, and enjoy!

 
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