Cruelty in Numbers
There are plenty of issues regarding…Dare I say it, badly-named Neopets these
days; however, instead of an everyday rant, I named and shamed some Dos and Don’ts
that will hopefully resolve the issue of common and numbered names.
Usually strolling around Neopia (I happen to frequent the boards) we can see
the sad truth in people’s lookups - they have chosen the ‘name generator’ option,
and many innocent pets begin life named Fluffy65738284947320.
Naming pets in such a brutal manner is completely wrong! For example, let’s
put ourselves in their shoes for a moment. You’ve met a new friend, work colleague,
or mailman. Things are going well, but then you’re asked your name. It is, queue
drumroll, rollo84379849586. Would that NOT be embarrassing?
Pets need snappy names that roll off the tongue, give effect and reveal their
personality. For example, if you were to imagine your pet as having a slightly-evil
name, adjectives to incorporate may be such things as ‘Crush’, ‘Violet’ (Think
about it) ‘Destroy’ or weapon names, for instance. Then, you should take your
adjective and twist it a little bit. Sophisticated things to end your pet name
would be ‘estia’ ‘alia’ ‘imus’ ‘ilia’ ‘estius’ and so on. Remember to butch
up or feminize it as your heart desires. So ‘Destroy’ on an evil female pet
becomes ‘Destilia’, ‘Destalia’ and so forth. On a male pet, ‘Crush’ becomes
‘Crusimus’, or ‘Crusestius’. Just an idea, and look how much more aesthetically
pleasing it is.
But wait, what if a good, true, heroic pet is more your bag? Well, rethink
such fondness attatched to names such as Fluffy and Rover. Watch with the power
of imagination names that SEEMED good at the time transform into...well, not
as much of a curse for your pet. ‘Fluffy’, using today’s rules, can become ‘Flufestia’,
Rover becoming ‘Rovimus’. Much more attractive.
But hold your Peophins! Yet MORE adjectives can be added for a supremely good-sounding
pet. When we hear words such as ‘Brave’ ‘Beautiful’ and ‘Honour’ we cannot help
thinking of goodness. Instead of conjuring up Bravimus, Beauilia and Honalia
this time, yet MORE sophisticated endings can be teamed up. Try ‘nuic’, ‘phus’
and ‘ienne’ for a starting point.
Next, I decided on a guide to be taken into consideration next time you adopt
or create that much-wanted pet. Here are some Dos and Don’ts of naming certain
species, and how to avoid displeasing your future pets.
Unis - Unis are usually proud and vain, and should be regarded as such. Pamper
your little prince or princess - a male Uni will perhaps look regal or brave
to you, so stick to royal-sounding names or adding a weapon name before your
sophisticated ending word. (Try to avoid ‘starrydungius’ though). Whereas female
Unis are beautiful, preening, dare I say spoilt? Try to stick to beauty product
names, or Victorian sounds, even words connected with romance. Try a sophisticated
ending to make your little Princesses name roll of your tongue. (Unis LOVE to
make a good impression).
Ixis - Down to Earth, sturdy creatures are the Ixi species. Stick to element
names, but avoid vegetables. (Cabbagius somehow doesn’t seem too flattering)
For males, more masculine natural features such as ‘Wood’ and ‘Earth’ would
suit, but for female Ixis, I suggest feminine elements, flowers, ‘Sun’ and ‘Moon’.
Lupes - Lupes look super-strong and heroic. It seems a task to create an evil
persona for a Lupe, but often I am proved wrong. Stick to very masculine sounds,
and when choosing an ending, avoid endings featuring the ‘a’ sound. Stick to
‘S’ endings. I suggest masculine sounds such as ‘Ed’ and ‘Tro’. For females,
don’t over-feminise. Stick to ‘Tril’ and ‘Jai’.
Aishas - Aishas are the sophisticated sort, and they WILL value their names.
The Aisha has such a sleek-looking appearance, I would suggest feminine sounds
for BOTH male and female. After all, there are plenty of Aisha males in Neopia
painted bright pink or Faerie! So for males, stick to ‘Au’-a nice silent sound
to begin, or ‘Len’. For females, more feminine noises. ‘Li’ and ‘Rey’ seem to
Krawks - Krawks are the cool-looking customers in Neopia, and as we know, quite
coveted. For males, beef it up with harsh sounds-‘Cli’ (as in ‘Clint’) and ‘Tre’
work well, whereas females look great with lots of ‘R’ or ‘G’ sounds, I would
suggest ‘Rea’ and ‘Gla’.
Kougras - Kougras are the playful sort, and would benefit with a pet-related
name, a domestic-sounding name. For males, stick to ‘T’ and ‘S’ sounds, For
instance ‘Si’ and ‘Trilo’ (even ‘Tril’ would work.) For females, I suggest ‘R’
and ‘G’-Much like the Krawk. ‘Rilia’ and ‘Gesta’ seem to work as beginnings,
plus that as a nickname really works.
Boris - Boris are fairly new and complicated-looking. For males, I suggest
‘M’ sounds, to emulate the mole-looking paws they posess. ‘Mal’ would work.
Also, the ‘L’ sound, which I used myself on a Bori, and suits well. In this
case, ‘Las’. For females, again don’t feminize too much. Stick to the unusual
‘Y’ sound (As in ‘Yuli’ or ‘Yana’) and ‘D’ (as in ‘Delia’ and ‘Dest’.)
Myncies - Myncies already look quite masculine, and natural, harsh-sounding
names work well. For both male and female, stick to ‘G’ (‘Gellius’ and ‘Gen’)
Cybunnies - Cybunnies deserve quite a regal name, being quite a rare species.
For males, use ‘R’ and ‘E’ sounds-‘E’ names are much more unusual, which really
benefits a rare pet. I would go with ‘Elit’ or ‘Eras’. For female Cybunnies,
the more exotic the better. Use ‘B’ (as in ‘Bey’ or ‘Bah’) and ‘F’ sounds. (as
in ‘Feliania’ and ‘Fera’)
That guide did not include all the species, as that would be a truly mammoth
task. Try your own alternatives if none of my suggestions tempt you, however
I do ask that future owners not neglect the more unusual letters ‘I’, ‘O’, ‘Z’
and ‘K’ when naming a pet, as these sounds at the beginning of a name can be
Another point in naming etiquette is to avoid the date. I see lots of pets
named alongside the date they were created-DB2001, Jake2003 do NOT make for
snappy names either-after all, we aren’t named alongside our birthdays. Furthermore,
underscores could be avoided. To separate two words/name elements (Sun_Flower
for example) is useful, but names such as Jessi_The_Cool again aren’t very snappy.
Stick to underscores to divide a desired name if already taken, instead of numbers.
Your poor ‘Fluffy’ could end up feeling like just one in a million Fluffies,
It is our duty to remember that all Neopets are individuals, and names represent
this. Humans may share the names John and James, but neopet names must be totally
original-after all there’s millions of them created constantly. Let’s keep lookups
clean and smart, with snappy, original names and happy pets. And the best account
names exclude numbers and dates, too.