Of Bluff Cake
"Hey, guys! Want to taste test my Peanut Butter Jelly Bean
Deluxe cake?" Lavamitten questioned as she heaved a cake into the kitchen. Lavamitten,
our owner, plunked a dark brown cake with jellybeans cascading out of it onto
the kitchen table. Each and every one of us pets exchanged horrified expressions.
"Zhilshe? Do you want to test it?" She queried hopefully.
The goldenrod-yellow Kougra rolled her eyes
in thought, "…No…I can't. Mynci Volleyball Game today! Sorry, Lava! Got to go!"
Zhilshe scampered across the bamboo-patterned tile and raced out of the Neohome
in clear relief.
Lavamitten spun around to face the shaggy crimson
Lupe, "Kekio? Do you want to-"
Kekio cut her off, "Nope! I'm going to squirt
the Bread Master with my squirt gun!" Kekio stroked his water gun affectionately
as a wicked gleam began to twinkle in his eye.
"What was that, Kekio?" I inquired Kekio allowed,
smirking a bit. He was busted! Lava crossed her arms and arched an eyebrow.
Kekio hesitated and then voiced quite calmly,
"Did I say squirt the Bread Master? I meant donate to the Money Tree…Um…See
yah!" And with that, Kekio dashed out of the doorway, his water gun clutched
in his paws. I gave an exasperated sigh and shook my head at Kekio's behavior.
My attention focused back on Lava.
Lava's face began to look a little dejected.
The little lime-green Shoyru shook her head
quickly, "No! No, no, no, no, no! No!" Ever since Shoyoko had tried some of
Lava's Lime, Syrup, and Chicken Casserole, Shoyoko refused to devour anything
Lava had conjured up. She hopped down off her booster seat and glided over to
the staircase where she could go into her room and play with her Usukis.
Her bottom lip by now was trembling like a Feepit,
"Jakalo?" My eyes widened and my whip-like Gelert ears drooped. Her eyes were
practically pleading and begging me to try one little bite. I really didn't
want to even consume one little morsel of that monstrous cake. Then again I
didn't want to hurt her feelings…I moaned and scooted the cake towards me with
a paw. Her whole face lit up like a Flightning Bug and she leered at me with
I stabbed my fork and plucked a fragment off
the cake. Beads of sweat formed on my brow and I elevated it to my mouth. I
could feel Lava's anxious stare looming down on me. I poked the cake into my
mouth and suddenly felt woozy. My pale-blue fur stood on end and my stomach
gurgled, threatening to force the cake back up. It was heavy with peanut butter,
making it difficult to even open your mouth! Add the little jellybeans onto
that; it was the worst tasting stuff in Neopia! It gave off a similar flavor
like the Dragonbuds I had once nibbled on in a neighbor's garden when I was
just a pup.
"Do you love it?" Lava inquired me, voice high-pitched
I quickly gulped the slip of cake down and gasped
for air, "Y-yes, it was great!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I, Jakalo1,
had made his first lie ever!
She cheered in a singsong voice, "Wheee! That
means I can enter it in Amateur Gourmet Chef contest!" She plucked the fire-patterned
oven mitts from her hands and beamed in pride.
"WHAT?" I shouted, throwing my paws into the
She gazed at me with an eyebrow arched.
"I-I mean…I'd really like to know what you are
talking about." I corrected myself promptly.
"See, I decided to enter the Amateur Gourmet
Chef contest with my Peanut Butter Jelly Bean Deluxe cake. Since you seem to
like it so much, I'm going through with it!" She informed me, setting the cake
on the counter with a dull thud. Oh great! Was I in deep sludge! That cake was
the most horrid food I had ever set teeth on and she was going to enter it in
"Oh, well…See, there's something you should
know-…" I started but was interrupted by Lava.
"Oh, Jak! You're the first person--I mean pet
to test my cookery and honestly tell me it was good eating! Thanks a bunch,
old buddy!" She gushed, ruffling my fur.
I moaned and hung my head. How could I tell
her that cake was a monstrosity now?
My friend is in a very deep Pile of Dung!
His owner baked an atrocious cake and he was forced to try some! It was awful
with a capital A, but he said it was good and now she's entering it in a contest!
What should he do?
Your Best Pal,
"SHOYOKO!" I bellowed. Shoyoko winged into my
room and plopped down at my paws.
"Yeah, Jak?" she replied, clutching onto her
Snowball Usuki, Mandy.
"Deliver this Neomail to Kenaxxx_2001 on Safari
Lane, Mystery Island," I commanded, passing my Neomail to the Shoyru youngster.
She moaned, "But Mandy was just about to defeat
the Scarf at Snow Wars." She held her Usuki in the air.
"You can help Mandy defeat the Scarf after you
deliver this Neomail," I assured her.
"I guess so…" she mumbled and trudged upstairs
to her flight runway. I gnawed on my blue bouncy ball and waited on Shoyoko.
I could just imagine Kena now, ginger-orange, midnight-black striped, silken
fur…She was my best buddy…For a Kougra that is…She always knew what to do! Around
ten minutes later, Shoyoko glided into my room with a Neomail.
Stop talking hypothetically! I've known you
long enough to know you're talking about yourself! Why not just tell Lavamitten
Your Kougra Friend,
I snatched up a piece of paper and jotted something
I can't! I'm afraid I might hurt her feelings!
Kena, haven't you ever been in a situation like mine?
Your Furry Blue friend,
Shoyoko grabbed the Neomail and flew off without
protest. She arrived minutes later, panting as she flopped onto the floor.
Um…nope! Okay, I'll see you later! I've got
a hot date with some Spicy Chicken Wings! Got to go!
Your Furry Striped Pal,
I flopped onto my bed and heaved a sigh. Well,
Kena wasn't much help. "Can I go…kick the…Scarf's scarf now?" Shoyoko questioned
in between panting.
"Sure, go," I grumbled crossly. My Uggatrip,
Spiko, scrambled onto the bed and curled up on my chest in contentment. "Oh,
Spiko. I guess I'll just have to tell the truth. Either that or the contest
judges get really bad food poisoning." I murmured to him, stroking his scaly
forehead. My eyelids sluggishly sagged as I worried myself to a restless slumber…
"Rise and shine, dear Gelert of mine!" Lava's
voice broke into my mind and stole my dreams like an Aisha at the National Neopian
Bank. These dreams weren't missed, however. They all had to do with that foul
"Huh?" I babbled as my eyes fluttered open to
focus on a blissful owner.
"Want to come with me to the big Amateur Gourmet
Chef contest and watch me win, Jaky boy?"
I suddenly jolted awake, "WHAT? It's today?"
Lava arched an eyebrow yet again, "Well…Yeah.
Want to come?"
"YES!" I shouted, tossing my covers and sheets
off my bed.
Lava arched another eyebrow (again with those
archy eyebrows) and then shrugged, "Well, come downstairs then. Nobody else
seems to want to go. I can't imagine why, though."
I pondered on just what to do when we arrived
at the contest as we strolled through the dirt roads of Neopia Central. Oh,
why didn't I just tell the truth earlier? I thought to myself. I know! I'll
say NOOO just as the cake touches the lips of the judges. Yeah, yeah, add some
drama, that's good…then I'll explain to Lava why she should've never entered
the contest. Oh, I hope it's as easy to do as it to think it up.
"We're here!" Lava's jolly voice popped my thoughts
like a Faerie Bubble. I gulped as we trudged into the clearing by the Wishing
I took in my surroundings, "Well, where's the
Lava frowned, "Right here."
I took a quick look around, "Well, where are
the judges? And the other contestants?"
"Well, nobody else entered but me and the judges
are over there," she explained promptly. She ambled over to a Pet Rock, Zafara
Plushie, and a cluster of balloons.
"Those are the judges?" I questioned her skeptically.
She nodded, "Yep!" She tore a clump of the Peanut
Butter Jellybean Deluxe cake and dropped it onto each of the inanimate judges.
She watched them for a while, silent as a Miamouse at midnight. Next she stood
up and plopped behind them. She scooped up three cards that sat before the judges
and scribbled something down on them. Then she rushed back over to her previous
spot and beamed with pleasure.
"The judges have agreed! I get a perfect ten!
See, just look at the scores they gave me!" she squealed. I glanced down at
the little cards that each rested at the judges feet…if they had any. Each card
had a muddled ten scribbled on them. Lava shrieked in excitement and plucked
a little plastic trophy off the ground and hugged it to her chest, beaming with
delight. Suddenly it dawned on me! There really was no contest! My childish
owner had just pretended to win a trophy! And I had been worried over nothing!
Oh well, at least next time I knew to tell the truth right away before it gets
out of hand!
The Pet Rock gagged in disgust once the Gelert
and his owner had left, "That was the worst cake I have ever tasted!"
The Zafara plushie nodded in agreement, scraping
its tongue with a paw, "You said it!"
Author's Note: Special thanx to salemxxx for letting me use Kena in the story.
And thanx to ashes1116 and kou_yaten_starlite.