Typing Terror Madness: a Guide

I love to write. More to the point, I like to type. And so the newest game from the programming geniuses at the Neopets headquarters is like a dream come true. I am horribly horrible at games but I can definitely type. And so can you! Here I have put together a few tips that will help you defeat those mindless drones and their big boss, Clockwork Grundo.

The game starts like this; You, the innocent, overworked and underpaid Grundo are sitting in the Space Station when a hole is blown in the docking bay doors. In comes a freakish array of clockwork Grundos with words printed on them. With your amazing skill you must type the words to trigger an explosion that will free you of the menace. The levels become increasingly harder as words are put upside down and the Grundos begin to walk faster. If the glass separating you from space is hit three times you’re toast. So don’t get hit!

Tip One. Practice!

I don’t believe in practice makes perfect, but practice can definitely make you better and TT is no exception. I guess the programmers understand that, because they’ve given us something wonderful; a training level! The Grundos come endlessly and give you a chance to limber up your fingers, and get in the mood for typing up a storm. I practice for about three to five minutes before I actually attempt the first level. The training level is also a good stress reliever. Assign the Grundo hordes the names of people who are annoying you. It helps! Not that I would know, of course… I’m a very nice person.

Tip Two. Concentration!

Ever try to work on homework while a family member was making a racket? It’s impossible (and I should know *grumble*) and keeps your mind wandering. It’s important to stay focused, and while TT is not as important as homework *sigh* it still requires your attention. That means make sure you don’t have the sound up too high, and that you won’t be bugged by your little sister (or spouse, or children) in the next ten or so minutes. Pop-ups, by the way, spell doom. Disable them if possible.

Tip Three. Time!

This goes hand in hand with “Concentration.” If you’re smart you try not to start a project five minutes before you have to go shopping. It’s just not fun, and you won’t do as well because you’ll be interrupted. It takes me about six minutes to get to level four but may take more or less time for you. Clock yourself to see, and plan that time.

Tip Four. Accuracy!

You get 200 pts for 100 percent accuracy, 198 pts for 99 percent accuracy and on down the list. While accuracy is not the MOST important thing, it sure is important. After all you only get 25NP for every 100 pts scored. The better the accuracy, the more points you’ll end up with. The best way to improve accuracy is to know your way around the keyboard. If you can’t remember where the “Q” is, or you keep getting “G” and “H” mixed up it’s time to refresh your typing skills. Sometimes your hand does slip, so try not to be a perfectionist and just move on.

Tip Five. Quick Thinking!

You have to be thinking constantly in this game; if two Grundos come out and you hit “L” instead of “J” you’ll have to be paying enough attention to notice that you’ve triggered a different Grundo. If five of the menaces come out, you have to instantly pick out the closest one, or the one that poses the biggest threat. It’s a bit difficult to get used to but a lot of fun to know you can respond so quickly. As the levels progress the Grundos move faster and faster towards your control booth so note this, and type better. Not faster, which leads to mistakes, but better.

Tip Six. Speed!

I know what you’re thinking. Actually, not really, but I’m making an educated guess. You’re thinking, well duh. It’s about time you mentioned speed. I wanted you to know about the other aspects of the games before I told you about speed. How quickly you can type is very important but be sure that as you type faster and faster that you do not become clumsy. Making too many mistakes can set you back a great deal, and you’ll suddenly find you have seven Grundos approaching you with really long words printed on them!

Tip Seven. Enjoy Yourself!

I have yet to win a trophy, even though I adore this game and am a pretty fast typist. But for me, that’s beside the point… I play this game to have fun and maybe earn some much needed Neopoints. So whatever your motivation make sure that you have a good time. Who wouldn’t want to spend their days destroying mutilated Grundos for imaginary money and pixel trophies? At least you’ll have a good excuse. “Hey (insert family member here)! I’m practicing typing!”

Hint! There will never be apostrophes, dashes or caps lock needed.

Hint! Attack the closest Grundo first, not the word that’s easier to spell.

Hint! Words are not always spelled correctly. For instance, I had the word “TRIPPS” on a Grundo and lost accuracy because I tried to spell trips. Be careful!

Hint! Although I’m sure you figured it out if you’ve played at least once, some of the words are not “real” words. Or rather, they exist but are rarely used in the English language. Beware of these. They throw you off quickly.

Hint! Once you get on in the game some of the clockwork Grundos are red, and look beaten up. These words are often harder to type and appear upside down and backwards.

Hopefully my modest little guide has helped, and with any luck (hopefully not MY luck) you’ll have earned a few more Neopoints, and learned how to manage those tricky clockwork Grundos.

Or you could always go play Gormball. People tell me it’s easier.