Never Trust A Chicken Man: Part Two
Also by extreme_fj0rd
Yasha trudged along the sidewalk. "Are we there yet?"
she asked Bo. "It has to have been 4.9101762987 miles already!"
"Nope, it's only been 4.781928381 miles," Bo
replied. "Keep walking."
The Lupe nodded. "Well, can't we take a shortcut?"
she asked, peering into a side alley. "Look, that alley is... diagonal..."
"Ooh, diagonal," said Bo. He stopped to look
at it. "Diagonal is pretty."
Yasha nodded. "Diagonal is pretty," she agreed.
"Shortcut!" shouted Bo, and he ran down the alleyway;
Yasha trotted after her owner.
It was dark in the alley.
"It's dark," Yasha commented.
"So it is. No light," Bo said.
"Someone stepped on my tail," Yasha said.
"I stepped on someone's tail!"
They stared at each other through the darkness
for a moment.
"There's someone else in here!" Yasha shouted.
"Help, help, help! Intruder! Intruder! You'll regret this when I've taken over
Neopia, you'll be first on my hostage list!" she yelled.
"I thought that Bori was first on your hostage
list!" Bo called.
"He is. Okay, then, whoever's stepping on my
tail will be second! I'm warning you get off my tail!"
"Yeah, get off her tail!" Bo echoed, waving his
fists around and only managing in punching himself in the face. "Ow!" he shrieked.
"Is he stepping on your tail too?" Yasha asked.
"I don't have a tail!"
"Then what did you do!?"
"I punched myself in the face!"
"That must've hurt!" cried a voice.
"It did, Yasha!"
"I didn't say anything!"
"It must be the tail-stepper!"
"The tail-stepper?" Yasha paused. "Oh yeah, the
dude stepping on my tail! I'm warning you, get off my tail!"
"Yeah, get off her tail!"
"I'm trying!" shrieked a voice.
"Oh yeah?" huffed Yasha. "It's not that hard
to step off of my tail! I'm warning you, the masked tail-stepper, once I take
over Neopia, you are FIRST on my hostage list!"
"What about the Bori?" questioned Bo.
"He's second, now! Order of importance has officially
"Oh, okay!" chirped Bo, contented with this answer.
"Now, get off her tail."
"Yes, masked tail-stepper, get OFF!"
"I don't have a mask on, just to tell you," said
"But we can't see your face!"
"It's dark in here, that's why!"
"Oh then, LET THERE BE LIGHT!" cried Yasha, and
all of a sudden, the crumbling roof that for some reason was above the alleyway
was blown away by a sudden gust of wind, and light poured down onto Yasha, Bo,
and the not-masked-yet-masked-tail-stepper.
"Eeee, it's a Yurble!" shrieked Bo as he spied
the not-masked-yet-masked-tail-stepper and attempted to push him off of Yasha's
"It's a filthy Yurble, at that," said Yasha,
glaring at down at the other Neopet.
"I'm not filthy!" exclaimed the tail-stepper.
"I'm perfectly clean! I just bathed today, actually."
"It's figurative," explained Yasha heatedly.
"Oh, I see," said the Yurble, who paused momentarily
before adding, "I'm Marco."
"Can you get off my tail now?"
"Oh, yes, sorry," said Marco, stepping off Yasha's
"Yay!" cheered Yasha. She waved her newly freed
tail around triumphantly, but then stopped. "What are we going to call you now
that you've stopped stepping on my tail? I mean, we can't very well call you
"You could call me 'that dirty Yurble who just
stepped on my tail.'"
"You stepped on your tail?" Yasha exclaimed.
"Yes! No, wait-- no! I mean, I don't have a tail
big enough to step on!"
"Oh." Yasha slumped down.
"We could just call him Marco," Bo suggested.
Yasha and the newly-christened Marco turned to
look at Bo.
"Marco," said Yasha slowly. "Why didn't I think
"Why didn't I think of that?" Marco repeated.
"I dunno," Bo said.
"Well, anyway, we were just going to the Weapons
Union to get some weapons," Yasha said with a grin. "I'm taking over Neopia!"
"You are? Really? Can I help?" Marco asked excitedly.
"No." Yasha frowned.
"Because you're number one on my hostage list!
It wouldn't look right."
"Oh." The Yurble paused. "Can I help anyway?"
Yasha thought for a moment. "Okay," she said.
"Now come on, let's go. There's no time to waste!"
And indeed, they didn't waste any time. They
linked arms, grinned at each other, and skipped off down the shortcut towards
the Weapons Union.
The threesome arrived at the Weapons Union about
1.4 seconds later. As the Bori at the Minion Union had stated, 'WEAPONS UNION'
was written on the front in shiny red glitter-glue.
"I wonder what kind of weapons they have here!"
Yasha exclaimed eagerly, and she dragged Marco and Bo into the drafty building.
Inside, odd weapons were scattered everywhere.
Yasha's eyes immediately brightened as she spotted a ray gun.
"It's perfect!" Marco chirped, as if reading
his soon-would-be-kidnapper-but-for-now-friend's mind.
"That's for sure," breathed Yasha, closing her
paw around the silvery ray gun.
As the Lupe did so, a big, green, chicken-type
thing appeared behind her. "Give me that ray gun, Neopian!" he roared, his voice
low and menacing.
Yasha swiveled around and stared up into the
chicken-thing's eyes. "No," she replied.
"No one dares defy me!" roared the chicken-thing.
"Minions, take her away!"
"Minions?" gasped Bo from beside his Lupe, completely
oblivious that his beloved pet was about to be taken hostage. "Hey Mr. Chicken,
where'd you get minions?"
The chicken-thing scoffed as his minions began
to drag Yasha away. "At the Elite Minion Store, of course. That's the only place
you can get good minions, nowadays."
"Elite… Minion… Store," tested out Bo slowly.
"Hey, we should try that place out after we're done here, shouldn't we?"
Marco nodded and said, "That would be awesome.
So where is this minion store, Mr. Chicken Sir?"
The chicken-thing replied, "Oh, that's easy!
Just go down this street for 2.1 miles, turn left, turn right, turn left, turn
straight twice, and then go 2.19587107 more miles. You'll see it right in front
of you - it's hard to miss. It has 'ELITE MINION STORE' written on it in purple-glitter
"Thanks, Mr. Chicken Sir!" Marco chirped.
The chicken-thing snatched up the ray gun and
nodded at Bo and Marco. "No problem."
Then he walked out of the Weapons Union, climbed
into a big, silver spacecraft designed exclusively and only at the Space Station
just for him, and flew away.
Marco and Bo did not even notice that Yasha had
forcibly gone with him.
Well, they didn't notice for three seconds anyway.
That was when Bo turned towards Yasha and said, "That chicken-thing sure was
nice, eh?" And he realized that he was not talking to Yasha, but instead air.
"Oh my rock, Yasha's gone!" shrieked Bo at this realization.
"Ahhhh, Yasha's gone! HELP US! SHE CAN'T TAKE
OVER NEOPIA IF SHE'S GONE! HELLPPPPPPPPP!" screamed Marco, flailing his arms
Many of the villains shopping in the Weapons
Union turned their heads towards Bo and Marco, but no one stopped to help them.
The poor, dejected, rejected, upset, depressed, and gloomy souls were left to
wander Neopia in search for the beloved and missed Yasha all by themselves.
It was a tragedy if there was ever a tragedy,
and Bo and Marco couldn't bear it.
But they had to or else we wouldn't have much
else of a story here, so with their hearts heavy and no weapons in hand, the
Yurble and the owner who no longer had a pet trudged outside the Weapons Union
and began a harrowing search for Yasha.
But first they needed to buy some juice because
Marco was thirsty, so the Yurble and the owner who no longer had a pet walked
about a half of a mile to Jerry's Juice Stand and purchased a carton of orange
juice. Marco drank half of it before deciding it wasn't cold enough, so they
returned the carton to Jerry, got their money back, and walked another half
of a mile to Sam's Soda Place and bought a Diet Neocola. Marco gulped down the
whole can, tossed it like a good citizen into a waste basket meant for aluminum
cans only, and then Bo and Marco headed back on the harrowing search for Yasha.
They didn't get much further before Marco grew
hungry, because Neocola always made him hungry, he said. So he and Bo stopped
at Pete's Pizza Pizzeria and bought a hot dog. Marco ate the hot dog quickly,
then decided it was no good. With much difficulty, he convinced Pete from Pete's
Pizza Pizzeria to refund his money, and with that, he bought a plate of ham.
He ate the ham, and it was good, so with a full belly and even fuller bladder,
Marco and Bo continued the harrowing search for Yasha.
However, again, they didn't get much further
before Marco grew tired, because eating always him tired, he said. He begged
Bo to stop for a rest, but Bo got sick of him and took the authors' muses ransom
until they would write Marco out of the story, so they did, and now Marco doesn't
exist anymore. Satisfied, Bo released the authors' muses, and the harrowing
search for Yasha continued, and this time, it actually made some progress because
Bo was alone.
Or so he thought.
For, following closely behind Bo, every step
he took, was a sinister creature.
Her name was Harriett, and she's important later
in the story, but not now, so we'll get back to her later.
Because, for now, Bo needs a soda.
To be continued...