Caution: Quills may be sharp Circulation: 98,662,396 Issue: 167 | 19th day of Storing, Y6
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Questions: I Just Have to Know...


by tree_rhymer

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Alright. I have some questions. But first let me introduce myself. I am Tree_Dirt, a brown Ixi. Tree_rhymer is my owner. If he knew I was writing this, I would probably get into trouble. But I really need to know these things. These questions I am about to ask are not your typical, neopet school questions, so if you have an inclination for simple-minded ideas, or get queasy when asked to think (I know Tree_Leaf is that way), you might want to step outside for this.

These questions I am about to ask the world will make you think more than you have ever thought before about Neopia in general, and most likely change your whole outlook on life, love, and Sloth knows what else. You have been warned.

I have noticed these things in Neopia, and I am politely curious about them.

And so the questioning begins.

1. Does Kreludor revolve around Neopia? Does the Space Station revolve around Neopia? Because if either of them does, some one might want to warn them before they crash into each other.

2. What exactly does Sloth wear under his robes? (And do we WANT to know?)

3. If we were to shine a flashlight on the Shadow Usul, would she actually cast a shadow? Or just disappear?

4. If the purpose of ‘Cheat!’ is to cheat, why do we get penalties for doing it?

5. Why would the wrong Mortog explode if you kissed it? Are you really that bad of a kisser?

6. If it rained in Tyrannia and made the knobs on the Wheel of Monotony slick, would it EVER stop spinning?

7. Why is the Pyramids game inside a pyramid? Is that supposed to be a joke?

8. Wouldn’t it be nice if Darigan put up Warning signs on the edges of the Citadel? How many people fall off of that thing?

9. Where IS the Esophagor’s stomach? He has to put all that food SOMEWHERE!

10. Do you think the Snowager is grumpy all the time because he is so cold? Couldn’t someone just get him a blanket or something?

11. Why is the Rock Pool called the Rock Pool if it just has Petpets in it?

12. Is the Tombola Guy so insecure about his appearance that he has to wear a mask?

13. Maybe King Skarl is grumpy because his room is right next to Snargan’s. Wouldn’t you be grumpy if you were next to a greedy Treasurer?

14. Kayla and Kauvara both have Magic Shops. Boraxis is the Healer on NeoQuest I. Do all magicians have ‘A’s in their names? Even the word ‘magician’ has two ‘A’s in it. Nifty.

15. What does the seaslug that protects Maraqua eat? It kind of makes you NOT want to go down there and find out. It might be the last thing you do.

16. Is it really wise to have the Hidden Tower in Faerie Land, with all those Faeries flying around?

17. Isn’t smuggling illegal? Why is it advertised in the News every time Smuggler’s Cove gets new items if its not allowed? Why is there a huge sign saying ‘Smuggler’s Cove’? Why aren’t the Chia Police doing their jobs?

18. Why is one of Jhudora’s ‘Magical Artifacts of Ultimate Power’ a hairbrush? Does Jhudora have dandruff?

19. What would happen if the Turmaculus were to go on a diet?

20. Why is it called ‘Round Table Poker’ of it is played on an octagon shaped table?

21. If King Hagan the Wise is so wise, why is his kingdom right next to the Darigan Citadel?

22. Why is it called the ‘Rainbow Pool’ if you can paint your pets ANY color? Should we have ‘Halloween Pools’ and ‘Christmas Pools’ as well?

23. How old is the Island Mystic? Why is he wearing a diaper? Does he need one?

24. Don’t you think the poor giant dinosaur mother who lays the giant eggs in Tyrannia gets sad when they crack open and every one eats them as omelette? I know I would. Do you think she lays them every day so they will hatch into baby giant dinosaurs? Do you think she just keeps trying and trying but it never works? They all just crack open and bake and get eaten. So then she tries again. And they get eaten. So she tries again. And they get e-… Ok, you get the picture.

25. Why do they make food out of dung? Does it have any nutritional value? Do people actually eat it? Wouldn’t that be gross? Would YOU eat dung? No? WELL THEN DON’T FEED IT TO YOUR PETS! (Sorry. Tree_Rhymer can’t resist a joke. He thought it might be ‘funny’ to feed us dung. Tree_Leaf couldn’t even tell the difference. I don’t think he even knows. Stupid Yurble.)

26. Why, oh why, why, why, is there an Invisible Paintbrush? Sure, it could be useful. Being invisible, and the like. So why do they have Invisible Petpet Paintbrushes? I wonder how many petpets are out there, lost because their owners can’t find them.

27. What if we had Invisible furniture? Would it increase the income of the Neopian Hospital from everyone bruising them selves all the time just trying to sit down?

28. Why can we paint Baby Blus different colors? Should they be called Baby Reds and Baby Christmases and Baby Halloweens too?

29. Is Punchbag Bob really a punch bag? If he is, why can he talk? If he isn’t, is he going to get us all back one day in some evil, twisted way? Are we going to be sorry we ever beat him up in the Battledome? Does he have some sneaky revenge idea rolling around in his cotton filled head? Does that scare you?

30. My last question is the most important one of all. This has been boiling around in my mind for quite a while, now. I just HAVE to know: Would we be wasting our time trying to paint an Abominable Snowball with a Snow Petpet Paint Brush?

As you can see, I think my questions are fair ones to ask. But when ever I slip one into the conversation, all Tree_Rhymer does is whack me over the head and say “You crazy Ixi.” So please, please, PLEASE do NOT, under any circumstance, tell him I wrote this.

He’ll probably force feed me Hot Lime Jelly and send me straight to bed with no dinner.

Of course, he can’t cook either, so I guess I should be grateful.

Sincerely, (No, that sounds too formal.)

With love, (NOT FORMAL ENOUGH!)

In all curiousness, (Yep, I like that one.)

-Tree_Leaf, the Brown Ixi

 
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