For an easier life Circulation: 129,296,931 Issue: 201 | 29th day of Swimming, Y7
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

24 Contests for People Who Can't Win Them

by pup_luv166


Lucky for you unlucky entrants, the Neopets staff has JUST decided on several brand new contests. These were designed for the few and the proud who have entered and entered but never won. This information has yet to be released, but I got the inside scoop, so pop a squat and listen up. You'll be glad you did.

Weekly Color Contest - Every week they will name a color. Basically, whoever can color an entire sheet of paper with it gets a trophy. What this has to do with Neopets has yet to be discovered.

No Avatar Contest - Anyone with exactly zero avatars gets a snazzy new trophy for their cabinet. This, of course, disappears once you get your first secret avatar.

Trophy Contest - Everyone that doesn't have a single trophy will be given one just to make them look like they actually accomplished something. More of just a trophy for nothing than a contest.

Nothing Happened Contest - Anyone who wins absolutely nothing at Coltzan's Shrine at least achieves a trophy. Good work...I think. Again, it's basically just a trophy.

I Love Lawyerbot Contest - Basically you get a trophy if you make Lawyerbot so mad that his head twirls around and comes unscrewed. It's personally my favorite.

Quiggle Contest - Anyone who doesn't own a Quiggle gets a trophy. Sorry to those who just HAD to have a Quiggle.

Short and Sweet Contest - A trophy goes to anyone who sends a Neomail that says "I have no Neofriends" to a random Neopets user. The catch is you can't have any Neofriends. And, no, deleting them to get the trophy doesn't work.

I'm my Own Friend Contest - Trying to make yourself a Neofriend of yourself, huh? Well at least you get a trophy out of it.

Random Contest #2 - Where they pick the winners of the contest at random. Haha, I guess you have as good a chance as anyone.

Forget Me Not Contest - A trophy goes to those who are almost non-existent on Neopets, on account of they don't know anyone else who plays and their account isn't very powerful.

On Time Contest - People who log in EXACTLY on the hour get a trophy for having nice timing.

Contest Contest - Easy. Just enter a contest and lose. Wow, You would think EVERYBODY would have a trophy by now.

ABC Contest - Post the alphabet on the message boards and have someone call you a dork. No bribing. Come on, it's not THAT hard.

Pop Tart Trophy - Anyone who thought that Neopets's Pop Tart was actually a pastry gets a trophy for being absolutely clueless.

Limited Edition Contest - Well, it's not really a contest. Anyone that doesn't have a pet gets (randomly) any limited edition pet. By the way, the staff KNOWS when you abandon your pets, so don't even try it. You have to start your account without a pet.

Hasee Contest - See how many times you can say Hasee in a minute. It doesn't win you a trophy, nor does it exist, but it's hilarious on my part.

Participation Contest - Heck, just for SIGNING UP with Neopets let's give you a trophy. Why not, I mean, all the other trophies are pointlessly easy to get. I guess that means that the Trophy Contest doesn't apply to anyone. : ) Catching on?

Getting tired? Well, I would be. Don't worry, we have several more to go, just in case the ones above don't apply. But keep in mind, they're getting tougher as we go, so I'd advise that you aim for the easier ones. After all, you're ONLY reading this 'cause you have never and will never win a contest, right?

Quick Pic Contest - Name the first Neopets image that comes to mind. Neomail it to the staff and you get a trophy. Well, maybe I lied about the contests getting tougher as they go, because OBVIOUSLY this one just proved me wrong. : ) Must be one of the first 5 million.

Neopox Trophy - If your pet gets sick more than once then you get a trophy. Don't worry, it doesn't have to be Neopox both times, or even one time for that matter. I'm not even sure why they named it that. But I'm just the messenger, remember, not the creator of all this nonsense. Okay, I agree, that's somewhat of a twisted contest.

Bloop Trophy - Fan of the ever-loved petpet Bloop? Well, buy some Bloop merchandise and grab yourself a trophy. Apparently a few of the staff members went nuts that there wasn't a Bloop Day, so they had to settle for this nifty trophy instead. Not much of a contest.

Thank you for Breathing Trophy - I don't really know how you get this one, they didn't make that clear, so I guess you'll just have to go with the theory that you breathe and you get the trophy. Also not much of a contest.

Yes I'm A Natural Blue Contest - Any pet that was colored blue at any point in his or her life receives this trophy. The catch is you have to be one of the first 10 million to claim it.

Guildless Contest - If you're guildless for more than 2 years than you should receive this trophy, even though it hasn't been confirmed. The catch is that you have to be logged on EXACTLY 2 years from the day you were guildless; otherwise, it won't work.

     Well now that you've read the entire thing I think it's a FINE time to tell you that I made this up off the top of my head. I mean, come ON, if these WERE real, we would all have so many trophies to our usernames the staff would lose their minds trying to keep track of it all. Seriously. But don't feel dumb, because I would have read the entire thing thinking of all the new spiffy trophies I could get. Yep, you are officially gullible if you thought that I was serious. I really hope you had fun reading it though. You can even make up a few of your own!

Have fun creating, I know I sure did!

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


The Adventures of Star
I regret naming her Star. Stars are supposed to be barely noticeable unless they are scattered across the sky at midnight. Star, however, is more like an asteroid headed for planet Neopia...

by dancingqween888


The Pirate Letter: Part Three
I just wanted to waste some time with a silly game. The pirates weren't here yet so I thought it would be a good idea, but I didn't know what this game was...

by czenko28


Superficial: Part Three
When I next saw Mother, then I could tell her of Neoschool and all the fun I was having there. I stepped up my pace into a jaunty trot. Today would not be spoiled...

by shelleylow


The Lenny grew rather attached to the Spyders. So, for each pet that walked into her store to buy a Spyder, an interview was conducted...

by shadih_temporary

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.