Sanity is forbidden Circulation: 90,556,056 Issue: 163 | 22nd day of Collecting, Y6
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Neopia is Being Taken Over by an Army of Meepits


by kikyo366

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The very secret diary of Shelley the Aisha, made public…

January 2

     Yesterday at school, it was Petpet Day. You could bring your petpet to school that day, but I didn't have one. A petpet, I mean.

      …So that's how I got around to begging my owner, Kena. I usually don't indulge in begging, but after seeing all the little petpets scampering around, a corner of my heart was touched.

      Just a corner though.

      But it was enough. I wanted one.

      "Please?" I asked Kena. I was always her weak spot. I was the cutest one in the family, after all-how much cuter can you get than a Plushie Aisha. (You notice I didn't use a question mark? Wasn't exciting enough.) Pea Chias and Desert Chombies were so out of style. Plushie was in.

      "Petpets are expensive, Shelley," Kena hesitated.

      "Come on, you can't use THAT excuse!" I exclaimed. "If petpets are expensive, I wonder how much paint brushes are?!"

      "You got me there," Kena conceded. "All right, what kind of petpet do you want?"

      "Something cute." I thought for a minute. "A Plushie Angelpuss."

      "Okay, we'll go tomorrow. I hope I don't regret it."

      So I'm getting a petpet… finally. I wonder if it'll like me?

January 4

      Sorry I haven't written so long. Well, I guess two days isn't really long. But I've been busy with my new petpet, Samson.

      And no, Sammy isn't a Plushie Angelpuss. He's-well, I want to surprise you.

      Here's what happened. We went to the petpet store in Neopia Central, and Kena was being paranoid as usual. She kept flipping through her wallet. Don't ask me why.

      Anyway. So we got there, and there were all these boring petpets scampering around. The plan was to buy a plain Angelpuss, then buy a Plushie Petpet Paint Brush.

      But.

      They were sold out of Angelpi, the Usul shopkeeper said. I was disappointed, but Kena looked relieved and said we could come back, tomorrow. I wasn't thrilled, but I followed her out of the shop.

      As we were nearing the door, I suddenly stopped.

      "What is it?" Kena asked.

      I didn't answer. I was looking past her at a display near the front of the shop. There was a banner that read "Samson the Amazing" above a large wire cage on top of a table. And inside was… an omelette?!

      "Wait," I told Kena. I slowed to a walk and inspected the cage. An omelette was just lying there.

      Noticing my interest, the shopkeeper joined me.

      "That's Samson," she said, as though I couldn't read the sign in front of me. "He's our amazing chatspeaking omelette."

      "A chatspeaking omelette?" This sounded a bit much.

      "Right," the shopkeeper said. I think she was expecting a sale, or something. "Samson, say something."

      "1yk3 why 5h0u1d i? LOL." The omelette picked up a pencil, don't ask me how, and scribbled this message. The pencil just somehow gravitated towards him.

      "Samson! Mind your manners."

      "That's not saying something. That's writing something," I said, already bored. These Petpet people had WAY too much time on their hands, if you ask me.

      "omg. LOL. Do3s 5oMeOnE wAnT t0 AdOpT m3?" This took about a minute to write, as Samson kept crossing things out to make his sticky-caps effect perfect.

      "Hmm," I said. Maybe it wasn't so boring. After all, I'd be the only person in Neoschool to bring an OMELETTE to Petpet Day! "Alright, I'll buy you IF you prove to me you have some intelligence."

      "WhY 5HoUlD i?"

      "Good point." Anyone with a shred of intelligence would refuse to listen to me, my being a plushie. "Okay, how much?"

      The Shopkeeper was about to answer, but Samson interrupted.

      "w00t! yOu'D b3tT3eR 53t a h1gH pR1c3 fOr mi."

      "Uh… five thousand neopoints." The shopkeeper gave the impression she wanted to get rid of him.

      "LoL, y0u mU5t b3 k1dD1Ng m3," the omelette quickly sketched out.

      "You have two spellings of the word 'me'," I informed him. "And I'm not paying a penny more for you, buster. Come here, Kena."

      Kena shrugged, and handed over the neopoints. "At least an omelette can't soil in the house," she said morosely.

      "Done," the shopkeeper Usul said. She handed me Samson's terrarium.

      We sped out of there, and the terrarium bounced against my knees.

      So that's how I got Samson. He doesn't really do much, but it's good practice watching him type for when I go to the boards.

January 5

      I was talking with Samson today, and he actually said something interesting… well, more interesting than what he's been saying, really. Mostly his life centers around the words "LOL." But today, he actually showed more intellect than I'd thought.

      "cAn i hAv3 a dAr1gAn pA1nT bRu5h?" he'd scribbled out.

      After I'd deciphered his message (I'm getting pretty quick now) I just looked at him. "Why?"

      "dUh. i Want t0 b3 pA1nT3d," came the reply.

      "Well," I said, "To begin with, there is no Darigan Petpet paint brush, and secondly, you can't be painted Darigan."

      "y35 i Can"

      "How do you know?" I poked him through the terrarium bars.

      "a11 0m313tTe5 can" I looked over his shoulder to read the note. Wait, omelettes don't have shoulders. Oh well.

      "Suppose I did paint you Darigan," I said slowly. "Would I use a regular Darigan Paint Brush?"

      "Y35."

      "Hm. Wait a second." I hurried to my closet, an proudly flung open a door. "Ta-daaa."

      When Sammy didn't respond, I pulled out of the door… a Darigan Paint Brush.

      "H0w'D y0u g3t tHaT?"

      "I stole it from Fyora when we visited the Hidden Tower a month ago," I explained happily. Well, sort of happily. Well, not really happily at all, but Kena says I'm always kind of morose. I guess she's right. "So. I presume omelettes don't need the Rainbow Pool. There's not a category for you anyway."

      I slapped the brush on him, and quickly coated him with paint. I wasn't sure when to finish, but the brush suddenly disappeared with a pop, so I guess it finished for me.

      I appraised him. He looked… interesting. Now he was all purple, with spiky wings protruding from what would translate to his back.

      "Ok then…" I shrugged. Kena also says I'm usually emotionless. Which doesn't make sense, because how can I be emotionless AND morose? Anyway.

      "G0oD," Sammy wrote.

      "Tomorrow is Petpet Day at school," I informed him. "I believe you owe me a favor for spending a million Neopoints worth of merchandise on you, and I implore you to come with me tomorrow."

      "a11 R1gHt, bUt y0u hAv3 t0 f33d m3 br0cC0l1 afterwards."

      "Broccoli? OK"

      He's a weirdo, all right.

January 6

      I took Samson to Petpet Day today. It was a disaster.

      It started out fine, when I carried him to school in his terrarium. Everyone at school was very impressed, when he wrote a message to them.

      "LOL. Why Ar3 y0u GuY5 5tAr1nG aT m3?"

      "Wow!" Katherine, a red Gelert who I don't particularly like. "Can I touch him, Shelley?"

      "No," I snapped.

      Unfortunately, the teacher, Ms. Aubergine, heard me.

      "Let her touch him," she demanded. "Petpet day is about sharing your petpet with others."

      Yeah right.

     Katherine beamed and put her mangy paw in to touch Samson. When her paw met Samson's mouth-I guess she was trying to pet his MOUTH. That idiot--he clamped his jaws down hard.

      "Ow!" Katherine yelped. "He bit me, he bit me!"

      As if it wasn't obvious already.

      "Shelley!" Ms. Aubergine said, as though it were my fault. "Apologize at-"

      But she stopped when she saw Samson writing something.

      "hAhAhA!" the writing said. "n0 0n3 t0uCh35 sAmS0n AnD g3t5 aWaY w1tH 1t!"

      Well, it looked like he was going to get revenge on Katherine Good riddance, I thought. I unlocked the cage and he flew out.

      "t0 m3, m1n10n5!" he wrote furiously… as if his minions could hear him.

      But apparently they could, because a minute later about sixty Meepits came rushing to the scene.

      "Where did they come from?" Mrs. Aubergine said, looking like she was going to faint. Well, if she did, I wouldn't catch her. We could have recess all day if she fainted.

      "c0m3, w3 W1ll tAk3 0v3r tH3 w0rLd!" Samson scribbled.

      The Meepits squealed, and a group of ten ran over to us. Five lifted Mrs. Aubergine right off her feet and carried her off, and the other five did the same to Katherine, who screamed. They stampeded off, leaving me Petpetless.

      Well then.

      Recess all day, I guess.

The End

 
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