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50 Reasons the Evil Fuzzles Will Rule Neopia


by _l_t_e_

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Ever seen two beady little eyes staring at you from that ball of fluff that is an evil fuzzle? Ever had an evil fuzzle smile at you with its evil little smile? Ever wonder what it was thinking about that made it smile like that? I'll tell you. It's thinking about total Neopian domination. Forget that amateur Sloth. We...I mean the evil fuzzles have all the means to take over Neopia, and will. You can probably expect our, excuse me their, take-over to occur sometime within the next year. Why, you ask? How could the cute little fuzzles ever dominate Neopia when we have Judge Hog and Zygorax to defend us? Well here are 50 reasons that the evil fuzzles can and will rule Neopia. And they are truthful, I swear. I would never lie to you...-shifty eyes-

1. They are so irresistibly cute that all the weak-minded Neopians will instantly bow down to their adorable fluffiness.

2. Judge Hog has a secret weakness: Fuzzles. Both evil and normal, he loves all fuzzles and will easily bend to their will.

3. We're keeping dear little Zygorax busy 24/7 on the Space Station, defending it from evil fuzzle drones. Sadly, he has not realized that they are not real.

4. There are just so many evil fuzzles that they will easily be able to take over Neopia simply by swarming the land and covering every square inch of space.

5. But they have a much better plan than swarming Neopia endlessly.

6. They are in league with the Toy Shop Lupe, who is constantly providing the world with more evil fuzzles of all sorts about every eight minutes. -evil laughter-

7. The fuzzles may seem cute at first, but let's take a look at our poor Neopets. How many Neopets. have been scared out of their wits by a blue evil fuzzle in the name of a cool new avatar?

8. The aforementioned Neopets. will not dare stand up to such scary fuzzles, and will bow down to them.

9. LITTLE KNOWN FACT: Evil fuzzles are quite prompt things. All Neopets. that had not previously been scared out of their mind would promptly be scared into submission by an army of evil fuzzle infiltrators.

10. ANOTHER LITTLE KNOWN FACT: Evil fuzzles also like to play with fire. When all your Neopets. left to go to Neoschool, the evil fuzzles would awaken and burn all the furniture in your Neohome.

11. By the way, protect your good, innocent fuzzles. In an evil fuzzle attack, they would be the first to go, the goody-good little traitors!

12. ONE MORE LITTLE KNOWN FACT: Evil fuzzles have extremely large appetites, and stomachs to match. All rebellious Neopets. will be consumed at will by the local evil fuzzles.

13. Evil fuzzles also have incredibly high metabolisms, so they can eat up to three Neopets. and not gain an ounce.

14. They would then scare all the other plushies into submission by taking hostages and slowly ripping the stuffing out of them until they gave in.

15. The previously dismembered plushies would be sent to Terror Mountain for Donny to fix. Evil fuzzles would not let innocent minions die after all.

16. The evil fuzzles are also in league with Donny the toy repair man. Any and all toys repaired there will be implanted with a chip, that when activated at the proper time makes the toys into evil minions of the evil fuzzles.

17. And if you were considering visiting the Island Mystic for warning of the attack? Good luck. The Island Mystic had been traumatized by the scariest evil fuzzle in the galaxy, and will blabber incoherent nonsense for the rest of his life, calling it your fortune. There will be no mention of an evil fuzzle attack.

18. The evil fuzzles have minions in the lost desert who will steal Coltzan's crown for the second time, using it to enhance their own evil powers.

19. What evil powers you say? Well we couldn't tell you that. That would be telling!

20. Have we mentioned before that evil fuzzles are experts at making drones? The evil fuzzles have placed drones in places you would never expect.

21. The healing faerie is locked up in the headquarters of the evil fuzzles. A drone is at the healing springs currently, healing all the pets like a good drone.

22. There are also drones currently in place of the hospital Gelert and the pharmacy Elephante. The real Neopets. are also locked up at the evil fuzzle HQ.

23. When the time is right for the attack, the drones will be shut down. If any Neopets. even try to defeat the evil fuzzle army, there will be nowhere to go to heal your poor, defeated Neopets. The evil fuzzles will conquer all.

24. Evil fuzzles also have evil connections. Everyone knows the Neopian Bank Skeith is a greedy little thing. He has been promised a place of power in the newly defeated Neopia as long as he transfers all financial power to the evil fuzzles when the time is right.

25. The evil fuzzles will be in complete control of all the money in Neopia. They will then take it all and throw it in the ocean. There will be no need for Neopoints in the New Neopia!

26. -twitch- Evil...mind...controlling...fuzzles...GET OUT OF MY HEA--...I am sorry for that minor outburst. I promise it will not happen again. Back to the article.

27. We control your computer screen. We control your mouse. We control your keyboard. In short, we control you...

28. The evil fuzzles have a genius evil plan to defeat you all. It is brilliant. Sloth has nothing on us.

29. What evil plan, you say? Now why would I tell you? Let it suffice to say it involves a lot of evil rampaging Mootixes, a starlight potion, and a lot of glue...Bwahahaha...

30. I like glue. Do you like glue? Glue is fun. Duct tape is better. Any problem can be solved with duct tape.

31. Including the problem that evil fuzzles do not currently control the world. Yes, that can be fixed with duct tape.

32. The evil fuzzles have connections, as I previously mentioned. You all know the Phantom Orange-Shirt Guy, right? We have him booked in our evil plan as well, in ways we would rather not give away.

33. To make it simple, nobody will be able to play games anymore. Without games, there are no more Neopoints Without Neopoints, no one can buy any more weapons. Without weapons, no one can rebel...

34. The evil fuzzles are brilliant, you know. Absolutely brilliant. You have no idea...

35. I like the number 35. Such a nice number. How many evil fuzzles does it take to conquer the world? Only 35!

36. Evil fuzzles like politics. We will give you a chance to vote us supreme rulers of Neopia, before squishing you. Our campaign slogan will be as such: Vote for us or be converted into a mindless evil minion!

37. o__0 I love that smiley. o__0 Isn't it awesome? It's not a secret code, I swear! -shifty eyes-

38. Whoa...I'm getting very random. Borovan! Asparagus! Plan C.A.A.! I'm not conveying secret plans to my evil fuzzle overlords...

39. Us evil fuzzles will kidnap all asparagus in Neopia and hold it hostage just before we launch our attack. Adam will have no choice but to submit to us, or we will eat all the asparagus, and leave none for him! Bwahaha...

40. Guess what? We have also recruited the evil marblemen to assist us in our defeat of Neopia. In return they will be permitted to turn Krawk Island into Marbleland. An amazing place, free of all toyboxes or buffers.

41. Any time someone buys an evil fuzzle, the evil fuzzle finds out everything they need to know about the owners, and conveys it to their evil fuzzle chief. And then when the time comes they will RULE Neopia. And they will have info about all the owners, so they can blackmail them. Bwahahaha...

42. We have also gotten to the minds of all the greatest leaders of every land in Neopia. Such as Taelia, Fyora, the Brain Tree, Kyruggi, and the Great Pango Pango. They will all side with us when the time comes.

43. In short, the entire population of important figures in Neopia have all turned against you. You can trust no one...Bwahahahaha! Do not defy us, petty fools!

45. We are just so cute, everyone will vote for us when we run for the office of Supreme Ruler of Neopia. The world will love us! Love us or be annihilated!

46. STOP IT! LEAVE ME ALONE YOU EVIL FUZ-...Once more, I must apologize. Our host is becoming more resistant to our controlling her mind. Wait...Did I just say that out loud?

47. Oh, darn it. Just brilliant. Now everyone knows our plan! They're all going to go buy sunglasses and defy our hypnotic gaze! I can't believe myself...

48. -hits self- Now even if they weren't running to buy sunglasses before, I've guaranteed they are now. I'm such a dolt. At least I haven't told them to cover their Neohomes with mirrors ye-...Whoops...

49. The evil fuzzle leader will have my head for this. Can't believe it. How stupid could I be? Soon I'll be just a pair of feet running around. Such a dolt.

50. Forget I said anything, okay? Now we'll have to postpone the rebellion and everything...This is going to cost me...But we will rule someday!. I promise. Hey! Don't give me that look! I see you there, giving me that face! Hey! Stop it! I'm NOT insane, I swear! Well, maybe just a little...But we will rule! Now go away! Shoo, shoo! I've got to call a travel agent. I'll disappear into the depths of the jungle in Mystery Island. They'll never find me there.

The inspiration for this article was mainly caffeine and sleep deprivation. Feel free to drop me a neomail!

 
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