Dear Roxy: Spaced Out
Greetings readers! It's me, Roxy, the official advice columnist for the Neopian
Times. Sorry, I haven't been able to write. I had a bit of an incident with my
Angelpuss, Troxy. She doesn't really like me too much for some reason, but no
one is really sure why. Well, she had me kidnapped where I was held hostage in
space on some distant planet that didn't even have Neomail. Of course, I had to
escape and now I am back on Neopia where there is Neomail and my job for the Times.
I am home for good and Troxy has mysteriously disappeared. Rumor has it that Troxy
has finally got in major trouble for her plans for world domination, kidnapping,
and other minor crimes that she has committed. Apparently, the world didn't want
to be conquered by a selfish, bossy, and temper-tantrum-throwing Angelpuss. Oh
yeah, all hail Troxy, yeah…right! The day I bow down to Troxy is the day I don't
care about fashion. Trust me readers that this day will never come.
Even though Troxy can be a major brat and she did order a kidnapping of me,
I wish I knew where she was. She is still my petpet and I want to know if she
is planning to strike again. I doubt it, I don't mean to spread rumors but I
heard she is in good hands and won't be causing trouble again for a very long
I'm leaving on a business trip soon and I have a problem. My Shoyru can't come
with me. Now, he refuses to eat and fly. I've offered him the best care at the
Neolodge, but he refused it. What should I do?
-Going On A Business Trip
Dear Going On A Business Trip:
I personally don't understand your Shoyru. Why does he want to attend the business
trip with you so badly that he stops flying and eating? If he went with you
to the conference he'd probably just spend time in a hotel room while you were
downstairs with the other business people. This out-of-town hotel room would
probably be exactly the same as the Neolodge, which is in town. So either way,
it doesn't matter where he goes, he will end up in a hotel room. Geez, maybe
your Shoyru doesn't like hotels or something. Personally, a weekend of gourmet
food and spa treatments is way better than what I get at the Cali house. You
tell your Shoyru to stay with my family for the weekend and I'll stay at the
Neolodge. Oh calming, deep seaweed wraps, here I come!
I recently painted my Zafara Christmas. She can't stand it. Her favorite band
is the Twisted Roses and she wants to be just like them. I can't afford another
paint brush. What do I do?
-Christmas Came Early
Dear Christmas Came Early:
It is called accessorizing. You simply need some dark eyeliner, some black
clothes and some red funky jewelry. She'll be looking like a member of Twisted
Roses in no time. She can look any way she wants through a little make-up, accessories,
and a brand new ensemble.
My brother and cousin have been playing practical jokes all over the place.
First, it was just small things but I think they're might hurt someone soon.
What should I do?
Dear Humorless Uni:
Fight fire with fire. Play a little practical joke on them to show them that
they are out of control. It could be quite impossible for you to perform a good
joke though because you are, well, humorless. No pun intended, of course.
I have a problem. I love drawing, it's my favorite hobby. However, I can't
do it well. Whenever I draw, my art comes out floppy and distorted, and I'm
limited to only a few poses so even I can tell what it is. Because of this my
comics always get rejected from the Neopian Times. I've been viciously practicing
for about a year now and taking lessons at any given opportunity. Despite all
this, I improved very slowly and about three months ago I seemed to stop improving
all together. I still can't get a comic in the Times!
-Tortured Bad Artist
Dear Tortured Bad Artist:
Who says you aren't good at art? Art isn't about drawing Boris' tails perfectly
or being able to replicate the wings of a Hissi exactly. Art is showing the
world how you see it and if you see it wildly disoriented and floppy then, that's
the way you see it. You're not a bad artist, you're different and art is supposed
to be different. You might not be a comic artist but it sounds like you'd be
one awesome painter. I suggest you try and open your own gallery with your artwork;
I'd love to check it out. Make sure to throw a killer gallery opening party,
though; it's the only way to get the word out about your work.
I was walking down the street when I found a spoon. This wasn't any spoon,
it was a golden spoon. Being the curious Chia I am, I naturally picked it up.
So, I'm walking down the street carrying this golden spoon when my best friend
approaches me. I show her the marvelous treasure that I found her lying in the
middle of the street. She sneers at my spoon which makes me very angry. I threw
the spoon at her and ran away in hot, angry tears. Later that day, I went back
for the golden spoon but it was no longer there. Now, I have a best friend that
sneers at golden spoons, no golden spoon and I have hot angry tears. Roxy, what
is a Chia to do?
Dear Lassie Lumpernickel:
I am sorry that your best friend didn't find your spoon very fascinating, but
you shouldn't have thrown it at her. You let your temper get the best of you.
You need apologize to your best friend. Even though she sneered, which is wrong,
you need to be the bigger person and apologize. People are allowed to have different
tastes and interests. My best friend likes limes but I despise them but we're
still friends. Friendship is much bigger than having all the exact same interests.
As for the golden spoon, you'd be amazed what finds it way to the Money Tree.
I think I might have seen a golden spoon there a little while ago; it's full
of lost treasures.
I am a Green Grarrl who is pre-judged because of my species. What can I do
to let other pets and people know that I am really gentle at heart?
Dear Gentle Giant:
People are always going to judge, it's a fact. Does it stink? Yes! I wish we
could live in a world without judgments and assumptions but sadly, we do not.
The only way you can let people know that you aren't the terrible beast they
stereotype you to be is to simply let your kind and friendly personality to
shine through your scary exterior. There isn't anything else you can really
do. For the rest of us, let's learn something from Gentle Giant; stereotypes
and assumptions hurt you as much they hurt others. So, let's all try to keep
an open mind and become more accepting to slowly make Neopia a better place.
Now, readers, I must depart; I have a major case of jet lag. I need to get
some rest, and trust me, that there will be columns to come, because Troxy might
have gotten me once, but she won't get me again!
To submit your question/problem to be answered by Roxy, simply send a Neomail
to roxycaligirl101. All messages must be appropriate with proper spelling and
grammar. Please put the subject as "Dear Roxy." Inappropriate, tasteless, and
repeatedly sent messages will be deleted, so please don't waste your and my
time. Please don't send problems that have already been solved by Roxy. Due
to an overwhelming amount of messages, Roxy cannot answer all the messages.
All messages are subjected to editing and can be published. So, don't submit
something if you don't want to see it in the Neopian Times.