Keeping Your Friends: Part One

by Eugenitor

It's not often that I get woken up by noise, so I couldn't readily recognise the sound of laughter when I heard it. What is that... oh, that's my owner, fifteen-year-old Really_Wise_Guy. I heard him coming up the stairs to my room, and he opened the transparishield door with a grin on his face.

"Horatio_Kyrius, you aren't going to believe this one!" he shouted, still laughing.

"What?"

"Some joker just put three codestones in his shop at 20 NP each, and a Rainbow Paint Brush at- get this- 200 NP!! And I got all of them!" No wonder he's laughing so hard. It's not like we need the money or anything, but good luck is still good luck.

"That's great, good job. A fool and his money. Hey, what time is it?"

"8:30 NST, why?" Whew! I was worried that I'd oversleep and miss my 9:00 meeting with Carnivorous_T_Rex.

"Thanks, Really_Wise_Guy- can I go out for a few hours?"

"Sure, but take your Battledome stuff. Grarrg's been buggin' everyone recently about the Korbats and there's still more Pant Devils left to defeat."

"All right." I put the Battledome items in my backpack, next to my 20,000 NP supply of 'mad money'. I slapped on my wrist-communicator and headed for the door. "See ya, Wise_Guy."

"See you later, Horatio." He reached down and hugged my quarter-meter-high, green-glowing body. "I love you."

"Love you too, Wise_Guy."

As I zipped out the door to the Rainbow Pool at a speed rating of 160, I thought on my owner. One of the first things he had told me after my creation was that I was his only friend anywhere, he stressed, anywhere, and that in his current situation it was impossible for him to find friends anywhere else. He's not kidding, either. Every time he steps through that portal into Neopia, he's immediately happy, every time he says he has to get back to the place he calls 'reality', he's miserable or even upset. I've never dared guess how many other humans are like him. All I know is that the number is frighteningly high. A rather dreary situation for the humans, but what can a Kyrii do?

Although it was twenty-five minutes early, Carnivorous_T_Rex was waiting for me anyway, looking at all the happy owners paint their equally happy pets, when all he had in the way of fashion was a blue satin collar, which probably also held his home-teleporter.

"Horatio! You're early, good."

"Hey, Carnivore... you think this was a bad place to meet? I mean, we both know that you'll probably never..." I said, gesturing to the Rainbow Pool and not finishing my sentence. He'd never get painted. His owner barely keeps him fed, and they live in the free public housing instead of a real NeoHome.

"Doesn't bug me. At least not like what happened earlier this morning."

"What was that?"

"My owner... my ugly, stupid, disgusting owner, Sumprely_Mispeled_Nayme, sold his..." My Grarrl friend was obviously struggling to keep a civil tongue. "...Codestones for TWENTY NEOPOINTS each, then sold his RAINBOW PAINT BRUSH FOR TWO HUNDRED!!"

"What an idiot," a passing human remarked before continuing on his way.

Believe it or not, I was almost about to say something similar, but I have a memory of more than five minutes and I realized what had happened. This is disgusting and dishonorable- Carnivore's my friend, I'm not supposed to be profiting from his misery!

"Uhh... Carnivore, I, um..." I struggled with how to say it without completely losing him as a friend.

Fortunately, I didn't have to. "Let me guess. Your owner bought at least one of them."

"All of them, actually..."

"The universe, the Faeries, and Adam must all hate me," he muttered.

"Carnivore, you know that if Wise_Guy didn't buy them..."

"Somebody else would have, I know. That's not the point." He paused for a second. "The point is that my owner is STUPID! ARGH! He says he wants to get rich, but he doesn't know..." Again, Carnivore forced himself to keep his language acceptable. "...anything! He BEGS! He doesn't even play games! And when luck DOES come his way, he doesn't have a CLUE about what to do with it!"

"This is your usual rant," I reminded him.

"Yeah, I know. Sorry. I shouldn't act like him. So what do you want to do?"

"My owner wants me to raise my Battledome rep some by frying more Pant Devils and fighting in the Tyrannian Army."

"Cool. I'll watch." Left unsaid was the fact that watching was all he could do as his owner would not spend a dime on preparing him for the Battledome.

Before we left, a blue Kacheek came up to us with a too-wide, too-familiar smile on his face.

"Hi! Hey, you said your owner's poor?"

"Yeah," Carnivore said.

"Well, tell him that all he has to do is Neomail my owner his passw-" My backhand caught the Kacheek under the chin, and he whooshed straight up, screaming all the way as he turned into a tiny blue dot somewhere in the stratosphere. Maybe the Space Faerie will save him, I mused, then again, maybe not. Neopets and owners applauded me before returning to their business, and I took bows just to be polite.

"How... did," Carnivore sputtered out. I hate it when my friends notice how rich and powerful I am. It tends to turn them into sycophants every time.

"Strength of 135. We've been friends for days, you never knew?"

"No." He's already green, so envy couldn't make him that way. And I promised myself not to make him any more envious as I patiently walked along with him to the Battledome at his speed rating of 4.

The Battledome's one-player area was slightly crowded, although it can never be overbooked. I handed Carnivore the 120 NP for a ringside seat as I did my owner's bidding for the day, grinding all the Pant Devils I could into the ground, hoping that their incrementally growing strength wouldn't prove too much to handle any time soon.

I was on my thirty-fifth fight for the day (eightieth total) as I heard Carnivore shouting something to me. I crammed my Rod of Nova down my current challenger's throat to finish it off (don't worry, it's a Pant Devil, it doesn't have a soul and it can't feel pain) before I ran up to Carnivore.

"What's going on?" I asked him.

"Sorry, Horatio. Owner wants me with him now," he said, pointing to his collar. "Don't ask me why," he said, before he was teleported back to wherever home is for him.

I took my fury and frustration out on as many Pant Devils, Korbat Scouts, and Korbat Leaders as I possibly could, my Kalora Battledeck and Rod of Nova doing the screaming for me.

To be continued...