The Neo-Market Report

By stereolab

Once again the time has arrived to pay Neopia's top market watchers a visit. Today our hosts will be visited by Gabboh the Mynci of Cynex Consulting. As publisher of the "Failed Company" newsletter, Cynex has risen to prominence by predicting the demise of many Neodaq companies. And now, with the latest word from the exchange, here are Neil and Maria…

KAUVUTO: Hello and welcome to this week's edition of The Neo-Market Report. I am your host Neil Kauvuto, financial editor of The Neopian Times, and as always I am joined by my co-host, former Portfolio Manager of The Eyrie High Flyer Fund, Maria Blumaroono. Maria, what's the story from the floor?

BLUMAROONO: Well Neil, things have been pretty flat this week. Amidst very light trading, the Neodaq hasn't moved much since last Friday. In turn, there are few dramatic price movements to report. On the other hand, there are some companies who've posted moderate gains. Leading the way, surprisingly, is once-mighty Tech powerhouse Yippee!, which showed a solid thirty-one point gain. Some analysts are now pointing to Yippee!'s recent rise as a possible signal of good times lying ahead for Tech Stocks. Another company making a modest profit this week is the Unis Beauty Salon, which followed last week's 451-point rebound with a more modest twenty-eight point hike this week. It appears that Unis Salon's investors have all but forgotten the catastrophic plunge of two weeks ago.

KAUVUTO: However, there are a few companies that still haven't come back from the crash earlier this month. One such company that has yet to recover is Jacko and Sons, who came into March roaring like a Grarrl. But now, with a third consecutive drop in share value, the company looks to be limping into April like a beaten Battledomer. Another company hoping for a comeback is Chia Steel, which has lost close to 75% percent of its value in just three weeks.

BLUMAROONO: As strange as it may seem, there are actually a few Neopians who have benefited from the market's downturn during these past few months. One such profiteer is our guest today, Gabboh the Mynci. As the head of Cynex Consulting, Gabboh is best known as the voice behind the infamous weekly newsletter, "Failed Company ," which warned its readers of the trouble ahead for such vanquished companies as Chiatech Password and Kacheek Telecomm. Gabboh, we're glad to have you stop by…

GABBOH: Glad to be here, guys. How's it goin'?

KAUVUTO: Uh, quite well, thank you. Now, we have to admit that we're always amazed by your ability to get the inside scoop on what's going on with these companies. Gabboh, how do you do it?

GABBOH: You see Neil, it all started like this: back around six months ago, me and some friends of mine got laid off by Kacheek Telecomm. Then, like within a week of getting laid off by Kacheek, a few more buddies from Yippee! got the axe. This was all really weird to me, because at the time these companies' stock prices were going through the roof. I mean, if they were making so much money, then why were they firing guys like us?

Well, I decided to do some digging, and that's when I uncovered the truth; these companies' stock prices weren't jumping because they were making money, they were jumping because investors were falling for the hype. So I decided to start the newsletter. With "Failed Company," we could spread the truth about how investors were getting ripped off by putting their money with companies that weren't worth squat! Starting with my core group of buddies, who still had friends working for the companies that fired us, we were able to start an underground network of informants who could dig up the dirt how much money these companies were really losing.Then, once the word spread about the newsletter, people from other companies started sending in anonymous tips about their companies. It was beautiful, really…

BLUMAROONO: Now, in your newsletter, you've been particularly skeptical about Tech Stocks. Does your disdain towards them have anything to do with the fact that you and your friends were mostly fired by Tech companies?

GABBOH: No… but it does have something to do with the fact that most of these companies are TOTAL HOAXES!!! Take Kacheek Telecomm, for example. How do they make money? Their products are lousy because they cut corners on research and development, their management team is too stupid to buy a clue, and their customer service is offensively bad. Their business model could be written on a napkin; hypnotise gullible investors with lofty predictions of future earnings, burn through millions of Neopoints a month in advertising, then sell your shares before anyone gets wise to the scheme.

KAUVUTO: Given the current state of Tech Stocks, are there any companies out there that you would recommend?

GABBOH: No, not really. The only companies that are out there making money are the ones who are cheating to do it… and sooner or later all the cheaters are going to get caught. When Jacko and Sons first emerged as a small business, I thought they might have the potential to be that rare company who could play fair and still make money. But, as we've seen in the past weeks, once all that cash started rolling in they turned out to be just as crooked as everybody else…

BLUMAROONO: It looks like that's going to do it for us this week. For Neil Kauvuto and Gabboh the Mynci, this is Maria Blumaroono saying thank you and so long…