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The Neo-Market Report

By stereolab

As always, the Neopian Times is proud to present Neopia's foremost financial wizards, Neil Kauvuto and Maria Blumaroono. In this latest installment our hosts are joined by Sentron X, CEO of The Alien Aisha Vending Company, who is here to discuss the company's well-being in the wake of a series of antitrust hearings. And now, here are our hosts, Neil and Maria…

KAUVUTO: Hi and welcome to this week's edition of The Neo-Market Report. I am your host Neil Kauvuto and, as always I am joined by my lovely co-host Maria Blumaroono, who is at The News Desk with the latest from the floor of the Neodaq. Maria…

BLUMAROONO: Well Neil, things on the floor have been pretty slow since last week's crash. It appears that many investors have decided to head home and lick their wounds, as the Neodaq has stayed in the 615 to 625 range for the better part of this week. However, there are a few stocks which have managed to start showing signs of life. Among these are Neggwork Commerce which, at nearly 4,000 NP's, is currently the Neodaq's most valuable stock, and the Unis Beauty Salon, which has seen its value jump 36 NP's a share on a recent "BUY" recommendation by The Kacheek Fund.

KAUVUTO: And yet, there are those companies whose value has continued sliding since the market's collapse. One such stock is Techrobatics Fitness Videos, who plunged another 40 NP's a share in early trading today. Also feeling the Holiday Blues is Neonet stalwart Yippee!, whose reputation for being unsinkable has crumbled since Black Tuesday.

BLUMAROONO: Today we are joined by a very special guest. Since arriving in Neopia, Sentron X has transformed The Alien Aisha Vending Company from a tiny "mom & pop" operation being run out of his garage to a multi-national corporation with a stranglehold on the vending industry. Today, he's here to tell us about his company's recent antitrust hearings and how they will impact the future of the vending industry. Sentron, thanks for coming on the show…

SENTRON: Thank you Maria, I am ecstatic to be here!

BLUMAROONO: Now, many Neopians see your story as the prototypical "rags-to-riches" saga…

SENTRON [kidding]: More like rags-to-rags…have you seen the taxes I pay? GOODNESS!!!

BLUMAROONO [laughs]: okay…But seriously, there are also those who see your company as a monopoly. I mean, Alien Aisha controls 97% of the market share…

SENTRON: Ahh…always with this monopoly business. I say…monopoly shmonopoly! Is it my fault that the competition was so incompetent that they ran themselves out of business? Since I started this company, I have been able to lower vending prices nearly 35% across the board.

KAUVUTO: Um, technically yes. But only because you stock less of the more valuable items while the price of ordinary items goes up. Have you seen what a Green Apple is going for these days?

SENTRON: What is this Green Apple business? Do I look like some two-bit apple salesman? Give me a break with this guy and his apples…Look, I don't dictate what the market value is. My job is to recognize a demand and meet it.

BLUMAROONO: Well, how would you respond to charges that the whole Nerkmid thing is just a scam, since the Nerkmid that one puts into the vending machine is generally worth more than the items which they receive in exchange?

SENTRON: A scam? Are you accusing me of being a scam artist? What kind of show are you people running over here? First you blow me off and make me wait a week so you can interview some embezzling Poogle, and now I come out to Neopia Central (on my own dime, I might add) and you give me the high hat! Oh yeah, well let me tell you folks, The Neo-Market Report is a scam. First, you don't pay my way out here…

KAUVUTO: Uh Sentron, you were already out here on business.

SENTRON: Hey, would someone get this pork chop over here to shut up? I'm tryin' to talk here…now where was I? Oh yeah, I pay for my own plane, then you put me in some fleabag roach trap of a hotel…

BLUMAROONO: Um, hardly…you stayed in the Presidential Suite of the NeoLodge…

SENTRON: Pipe down, Buttercup! Did I ask you to speak!?!

KAUVUTO: Look, I think that's about all I'm going take out of you. Folks, that'll have to do it for us this week. Thank you, and we'll see you again next week on The Neo-Market Report…