Once again it’s time to visit Neopia’s foremost economic experts. However, due to the fact that our regular hosts Neil Kauvuto and Maria Blumaroono are on vacation this week, Admiral Clawhammer and Ned the Buccaneer will be in to provide "a pirate’s perspective" on the latest news from the floor of the exchange. And now, here are Ned and the Admiral…
CLAWHAMMER: Aye me sprogs, this be "The Neo-Market Report." I be yer host this week, Admiral Clawhammer! Joining me to discuss the goings on in the market be me co-host, that hornswagglin’ freebooter Ned the Buccaneer. Aye Ned, what be the story this week?
NED: Ahoy, Admiral. Methinks this be the part where that landlubbin’ lass Maria Dubloonaroonie says somethin’ about how this or that outfit changed in value; sumthin’ about shares and valuations and so on… aye, but the Admiral and I don’t be knowin’ the first thing about that kind of stuff.
CLAWHAMMER: Aye, who be carin’ what yer company were worth? Once we board yer ship, drink yer rum and swindle all yer gold, it really don’t be matterin’… now do it?
NED: Avast Admiral, one thing I WOULD like to be sayin’ about the stocks be to tell ye landlubbers about the high quality products of them Korbat Cricket Supplies. Ahoy, I got me peg leg from 'em, and I’d have to be sayin’ that them scallywags did me a fine turn. Me leg were made from the highest quality oak, plus it be havin’ a handsome finish that be quite stylish, too…
CLAWHAMMER: Aye, and the woodworkin’? It be the finest I ever laid me eye on… aye, but heave to! What about them waisters that did us a bad turn, what be their names?
NED: Arr! Methinks ye be speakin’ of them no-account interlopers at Yippee!
CLAWHAMMER: Aye, them be the ones! I promise, when I be seein’ those waisters again, they’ll be dancin’ the hempen jig, that be for certain!
NED: Aye, methinks the noose be too good for those hornswagglers! I say we feed 'em to the Jetsams, like in the old days!
CLAWHAMMER: Ah, the old days…back when I were a young sprog, there weren’t no place for a couple of backstabbin’ barnacles like the scurvy waisters they got at Yippee! They’d have been swingin’ from the gibbet, that be for sure!
NED: Aye Admiral, for the benefit of those who don’t be knowin’, why don’t you be tellin’ 'em about the bad turn them scallywags did us?
CLAWHAMMER: Arr! It makes me blood boil just thinkin’ about it. Listen up sprogs, so ye don’t be gettin’ hornswaggled like I were. When me fleet were arrivin’ in Neopia, we were hearin’ about these interlopers named Yippee! who said that their motto were, "You name it, and we’ll be findin’ it!" So I were thinkin’, "Ahoy, rather that wastin’ all me time searchin’ for the Neopian’s buried treasure, we could get this here Yippee! to do it fer us!"
NED: Aye Admiral, and at first it were workin’ weren’t it?
CLAWHAMMER: Ahoy, ye speak the truth, lad. It were workin’ like a charm! And then, that blasted Jubjub, he came to me one day an’ said, "Aye, here’s yer bill for our services." Well blow me down! Have you ever heard of such proposteration?
NED: Aye stripey, it’s a shame…
CLAWHAMMER: I’ll say! So I says to the no-good squiffy, "Bill? Ye want me to be payin’ ye? Aye, I’ve got yer pay right 'ere!" And I pulled out me trusty blade and said to the waister, "Arr! I take it this be payment enough for ye?" Why, the scallywag kept his mouth shut after that!
NED: Aye, but they never were findin’ us any more buried treasure, were they?
CLAWHAMMER: It be true, Ned. After that, we were havin’ to find the buried treasure fer ourselves…
NED: Ahoy, well that’s all the time we be havin’ fer The Neo-Market Report this week. For Admiral Clawhammer, this is Ned the Buccaneer sayin’, "AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!"