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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 6th day of Celebrating, Yr 21
The Neopian Times Week 27 > Neomarket Report

The Neo-Market Report

And now, The Neopian Times takes great pride in introducing Neopia’s foremost economic experts. Along with bringing you all the late breaking news from the floor of the exchange, our hosts will also take a look at the Neodaq’s newest member, Virtupets. And now, here are Neil and Maria…

KAUVUTO: Hello and welcome to this week’s edition of The Neo-Market Report. I am your host Neil Kauvuto, Financial Editor of The Neopian Times, and as always I’m glad to introduce my co-host, the one and only Maria Blumaroono, who’s here with the latest word from The Big Board. So tell us, Maria… who’s making news today?

BLUMAROONO: Well Neil, the big news on the floor has been the economy’s ability to rebound from last week’s crash. After the discontinuation of the “safety fund” bankrupted five companies and sent the Neodaq plummeting more than two hundred and fifty points, many analysts feared that this week would see more companies going under, and a further erosion of Neopia’s financial stability. However, rather than continuing to sink into depression, the Neodaq actually climbed an impressive ninety-four points, an encouraging sign for investors who decided to stay the course after last week’s collapse.

As the economy began its push towards a full-fledged recovery, a number of companies were able to post significant profits. One such company is BOOM! Boom Boxes, whose president Ezra Lupino predicted last week that eliminating the “dead weight” of non-profitable companies like Hakaheke Island Flights and Bob’s Big Bonus Bingo would actually benefit the economy in the long run. While some would disagree with President Lupino’s assessment, there’s no denying the fact that last week’s events have certainly benefited his company, as BOOM shares have climbed nearly twenty points during the past few days.

KAUVUTO: Meanwhile, with rumours continuing to swirl about who might be next to file for bankruptcy, a number of smaller companies have seen their funding dry up. One company facing such a dilemma is Super Splime, who announced earlier this week that they’d be cutting costs by making substantial reductions to the research budget. However, Super Splime’s attempt to lower costs backfired when analysts and investors saw the cuts as a sign of the company’s financial instability, causing shares of SSS to lose nearly half of their value. Super Splime co-founder Kati Hennic was outraged by the market’s response. “Here we are,” Hennic said, “trying to show a little fiscal responsibility, and what happens? Everybody misinterprets that as ‘Super Splime is going broke.’ Sometimes, there’s just no way to please people!”

BLUMAROONO: Given the market’s recent upswing, many analysts would consider this a perfect time for new companies to enter the market. Which is why it’s not surprising that, during the past week, the Neodaq has added two more members to The Big Board. Since both of these companies remain shrouded in a veil of mystery, The Neo-Market Report has decided to take a closer look at what each of these corporations has to offer Neopian investors. This week, we’ll be focusing on The Big Board’s newest member, Virtupets.

We weren’t the least bit surprised when our numerous interview requests went unanswered by Virtupets. Apparently, they’ve issued strict orders to their employees, informing them that speaking with the media about any aspect of the company’s activities is expressly forbidden. Unable to penetrate the company’s wall of secrecy, the Neo-Market Report then tried to infiltrate the Virtupets compound by disguising one of our production assistants and sending him in for a job interview. However, he was immediately exposed as an impostor, and angrily turned away by security.

KAUVUTO: Having failed in our previous efforts, we went to NSEC Chairman Arthur Lupevitt, and asked to see the paperwork that Virtupets submitted when they applied for a place on The Big Board. Surely, these documents would shed some light on a few key questions, such as 1.) Who owns Virtupets? 2.) What is their line of business? and 3.) Are they a profitable company whose stock is worth owning? However, when we spoke to Chairman Lupevitt, he informed us that such documents were highly classified, and could not be made available for public disclosure. When asked to comment on speculation that Virtupets is merely a front for the operations of Dr. Sloth, the chairman said that he was not at liberty to discuss such matters.

And so, we regret to admit that our team of investigative reporters has, thus far, failed to uncover any information about Virtupets or its covert activities. However, on behalf of our vigilant staff, we would like to assure you that The Neo-Market Report will continue working on this story until the truth about Virtupets is uncovered.

BLUMAROONO: Well, that’s all the time that we have this week. For Neil Kauvuto, this is Maria Blumaroono saying thank you, and so long….

Check out previous Neomarket Reports:
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