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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 23rd day of Collecting, Yr 19
The Neopian Times Week 78 > Articles > Snow Wars Theories: Clobbering Santa

Snow Wars Theories: Clobbering Santa

by rodawig

Untitled Document GAMES ROOM - What is under the scarf of The Scarf? Why do you catapult huge snowballs at the ice castles of The Snowman? The answer, of course, is to keep these horrible opponents from destroying Happy Valley. Except for the fact that launching balls of ice and snow at mysterious bubbles and yelling satisfying cries of "Take THAT!" does absolutely nothing but to clobber Santa in an avalanche. I bet you always wanted to do that!

If you are searching for an article full of tips and strategies for winning a Snow Wars trophy, go somewhere else. If you have ever wondered why the image of Santa was dancing in an Egyptian fashion, grab your favourite catapult and continue reading.

I'll start off with The Scarf. He appears to be some sort of dark-coloured creature, clothed in a blue jacket, with an oversized scarf wrapped around his-might I say, head? Personally, I think he's some sort of renegade elf. Instead of the traditional red elf hat with a pom-pom on the floppy end, it is a blue floppy hat with a white fluffy pom-pom. Very similar, eh? Maybe The Scarf broke off from the main elf organization because he wanted to start his own fashion line of scarves. He might be catapulting Neopians with icy objects because they are directly where the construction team needs to build The Scarf Inc. Though he may just like hurling things. I can certainly sympathize with him.

The Snowman, now there is a strange character. I know for a fact, well, I am mostly sure that he is the secretary of the SASQUATCH. The letters stand for a lot of things, but all I can remember right now is the first part, Snowpeople Against Snowfighting. The Snowman wants Neopians to stop chucking snowballs, snowflakes and other snow-related items at each other. He hasn't done anything about the dwindling population of Snow Puffs as of yet, but I am sure we will see protests about that injustice soon.

Jolly old Saint Nicholas, fling your snow this way, don't you aim a single shot, over that a-way. Santa can't have a belly like a bowl full of jelly all the time! That is why he participates in Snow Wars, to work off those extra pounds. As soon as the holiday season is done, he gets in shape again. That dancing thing? It's not to mock the poor Newbies he pummels, it's his multitasking exercise routine. Aerobic dancing and snowfighting simultaneously, what better way to please Dasher, who has acquired back problems from hauling chubby Santa Claus through the air. But it makes you wonder, what desperate measures could others have taken to exercise after Grundo's Gym was shut down?

Beating Santa wins you a Snow Wars runner-up medal. If you feel trophy deprived, this game makes it so easy to gain at least one little ornament for your trophy shelf.

The Snow Cone, now there is a funny fellow--what? The Snow Cone? One of the Snow Wars opponents is an icy delicious treat? This must stop! Not only is his winking eye unnerving, he has robotic hands! Robotic hands would rust in snow, he should not be in Happy Valley. The good thing is, Snow Cone is somewhat easy to hit. At least it can't get any weirder...

Happy Monkey, he sounds friendly. He's a rather good shot with his catapult, but not impossible to beat. You want to know the reason he is a blue-purple sort of colour? Simple, monkeys belong in places with hot climates, like Tyrannia. I would have thought a monkey would come from Mystery Island, but it's obvious Happy came through the crevasse, from Tyrannia. He liked the change of climate so much he stayed. The side-effect, unfortunately, was that he turned from brown to a blue colour. Strangely, even though he is blue from cold, he loves Happy Valley. What a nice character, pity he isn't nice enough to award that third place trophy without beating him first.

The Evil Elf? Wait a minute! We've had snow cones, snowmen, overweight Santas, renegade elves, and now an evil elf. Who thought of this game? I need to stop playing, it's too addicting. (Not to mention too expensive) I have to keep playing, if I ever want to write the next article. Okay, the Evil Elf. Right. Well, he's a completely different breed of elves than the toy-making kind. The Evil Elf makes the snowballs. No, really! Someone has to expertly pack them into perfect symmetrical spheres and add the ingredients to make them peach or explosive (dangerous task) or, ew, yellow. If you spent all day creating the perfect snowballs, wouldn't you like to see the quality of the Neopians they were ending up with? You have to beat him to grab a pair of explosive snowballs, some of his best work.

I have somehow managed to set myself back to the first opponent while researching this article, but as soon as I get back to the seventh opponent, I'll write up the next Snow War Theories article. Now get back to snowballing! Rodawig, signing off.


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