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Untitled Document
"Hey! Food's on!"
Fluffy shrieked and fell off the table as Soupaw
pushed the soup and lobster salad ala carte to the table, looking a bit more
tired but still as glamorous as he was before. He whipped off the lid of the
pot with a flourish to reveal the deadly soup. Fluffy could almost make out
a skull and crossbones shape from the floating chunks of haggis, and he stared
solidly at it in shock.
"Well, I hope you enjoy your meal, Mr. Chia!"
Soupaw bowed before retreating.
Al licked his lips, forgot about Fluffy's nose
and the napkins, picked up his spoon and dipped it into the soup. Fluffy was
about to make a leap and stop him from eating when Soupaw slammed the massive
lobster salad down in front of him. He bounced harmlessly off, flung back into
his chair as the spoon entered Al's lips. Soupaw and Fluffy turned chalk white
as he swished it around his mouth for a moment, and finally swallowed it.
Al sighed contentedly, getting another spoonful.
"Mmm, mmm, this is fabulous!"
Fluffy leapt forward, slapping the spoon from
Al's paw.
"FLUFFY!!"
Al scratched his head as the Cobrall went into
a hissy fit (pardon the pun), explaining all he had seen Soupaw do in the kitchen.
Soupaw was fiddling nervously with his tail, and was deciding whether or not
to run for it when Al burst out laughing.
"PERFECT!! With Toilet Bowl Cleaner too, just
like the Matriarch of the Lupe Tribe made it! Although you could have used a
little bit more spice. Wow, how did you know her secret ingredient?"
He abandoned the spoon, ladling the soup into
a bowl and guzzling it down straight as the as Soupaw and Fluffy watched in
awe. Al smacked his lips, slamming the bowl down and wiping his mouth off with
a napkin.
"Honestly, you must have gone around a bit as
a chef. Most I know don't prepare Haggis soup the way you did! You see, Fluffy,
gourmet Hunkalunka Lupe Tribe food always has a little bit of poison in it so
that young Lupes can develop immunities to them and be able to endure the dangers
of getting bitten by poisonous things in the jungle. I had gallons of it while
on Mystery Island and had no idea about the 'secret ingredient' until a huge
tropical Spyder bit me during an expedition. I thought I would die from the
venom, but it turned out fine! Not even a scar left!"
Al set the napkin down, smiling innocently up
at Soupaw from his seat. "But Soupaw must know all of this already, being the
genius that he is. Anyway, bang-up job!"
Al picked up another spoon, dipped it into the
pot, and tipped a good dose of Haggis Soup into Soupaw's lips.
"Here, you try it! I can't possibly finish all
of this soup off by myself!"
Al and his Cobrall watched as Soupaw turned
green and collapsed onto the floor, causing a large rumble from the walls and
ceiling and a broken plate in the kitchen. His paws reached up, clutching his
gargling throat as he helplessly kicked his stubby legs. Al blinked, staring
down over the table and adjusting his glasses.
"Oh piffle, would you look at that? He doesn't
like it!"
Fluffy cringed as Soupaw changed from green
to paisley, then to a sour lemon and finally to a brilliant fuscia. Al dug through
his pockets until producing two tiny vials of healing potions, emptying them
into Soupaw's mouth. With a loud cough, Soupaw's paws fell away from his throat
and landed at his sides as he released a low moan. Al stumbled from his seat,
putting the lid onto the pot of soup before leaning down and taking Soupaw's
pulse.
"Uuuuurgh…I can't be being making it off the
floor!"
Al blinked. He was definitely fine now. With
a grunt, Al pushed against his flabby stomach. It wiggled for a moment before
catapulting back and slapping the glasses off his face.
"Piffle!!" Al exclaimed, abandoning helping
up the beached Soupaw to retrieve his specs.
He rolled back and forth like a turtle, thrashing
his legs about as his rotund body jiggled like a platter of gellatin With a
final grunt, he rolled onto his stomach. A sickening crunch sounded from under
his tummy as he staggered onto his feet, dusting his apron off and trying to
maintain his dignity. Shards of glass tinkled down his apron like rain. He winced
as he looked down to see Al's favorite glasses smashed underneath his girth.
As Al blindly searched around, he brushed it under a table with a paw, nodding
and winking to Fluffy and making a quiet gesture with his finger.
Fluffy thought about giving him a rather rude
gesture back, but then decided against it, digging into his lobster salad and
ignoring both his owner and the restaurant owner for the rest of the evening.
Soupaw smiled. "Ah, Merce Bokou, Al! You have
been being saving me from the certain destruction! For this, I am being the
thanking you muchly!"
He leaned forwards and grabbed Al in a huge
bear hug, cracking the bones in his back before dropping him back on the floor
with a dull thud. Al wheezed, catching his breath as he pulled a replacement
pair of glasses from his pocket and put them on.
"No problem! Maybe the next time I come for
lunch I can order something less dangerous!"
The Lupe's bright smile faded at these words. "Al, I am being having something
I must be being confessing…"
He sat down and put the sweaty handkerchief
into his apron pocket. "I am actually being trying to kill you, Al. For soup.
Specially being ordered by a customer with a very unpleasant attitude. But don't
worry, Al. I am not being caring about that anymore. All I am being wanting
now is your forgiveness, and to be being asking you for help."
Al nodded. "Ah, that's alright. A lot of people
have tried to kill me. I should tell you about them sometime."
"Thank you, thank you! I am being giving you
my utmost respect... and a gift certificate for a free loaf of gourmet bread
with every soup purchase."
Al nodded. "I'm glad you're so honest. For that,
I'll come here and eat every day!"
"WHATEVER!!!" The blue Acara from the fast food
joint yelled from outside, hurling a spatula through the window in his fury
before stalking of. It bounced off Al's forehead and landed on the carpet.
"Oh piffle..." Al bent down and picked it up,
inspecting the fresh grease stains on it.
"I hope he can get over it. Anyway, I'll tell
all my friends about you and try my hardest to get your business circulating
a little more as well! And as for your friend, I think I have a recipe for something
that may help..."
Several Hours Later…
Soupaw wiped sweat from his face in anxiety,
pacing back and forth across his kitchen. Night had fallen just three minutes
ago. The requested stew sat peacefully on the stove, still steaming after the
long cook. Dumplings bobbed up and down inside the pot like little boats, lost
in a sea of Cobrall soup.
As Soupaw turned around to make sure the soup
was being heated enough, he felt a green paw clap onto his shoulder, and smelled
the sour breath of the Lupe behind him.
"Finished?"
Soupaw gulped, sweat pouring down his face as
he stepped aside. A ladle and a bowl sat waiting near the stove. The Lupe dipped
a ladle into the pot, pouring it into the bowl. Two Chia dumplings dropped in
with the soup, no longer bobbing, but just flat out catatonic, like a beached
whale. The green Lupe grinned, his leering eyes twisting to fix their gaze upon
the paralyzed Soupaw.
"Smells good."
He picked up a spoon, using it to chop a small
chunk out of one of the Chia dumplings and catching a goodly dose of soup along
the way. The chef's teeth gritted together and he nearly ripped his handkerchief
in half as Hanniblepaw tipped the food into his mouth.
He paused, keeping it, his eyes rolling upward
to either savor the taste or declare his disgust. Soupaw cringed, stumbling
backwards and collapsing against the side of his counter. The handkerchief ripped
in his paws as Hanniblepaw leaned forward, the soup still in his mouth, a horrible
half-smile on his face. He held his nose in front of Soupaw's for a long while,
until finally, he swallowed. Soupaw stammered inaudibly as Hanniblepaw tipped
his head slightly in a sign of mocking respect.
"Lovely."
With a wink, Hanniblepaw grabbed the whole pot,
snapping a lid down on top of it and putting it under his left arm. His right
paw dropped a rather large wad of Neopoints in its place.
"A lot better than I expected, so I'll reward
you as well."
With all that said and done, Lector Hanniblepaw,
famous for his infamous eating habits that could probably even disgust Balthazar,
swept into the shadows of the night. Never to be seen in Soupaw's kitchen. Again.
Soupaw's eyes stayed frozen open for a full
minute as he stood in the middle of his kitchen, the windows open and the cold
winter air breezing in. He plucked the Neopoints off the counter, his eyes nearly
bulging out as he counted the amount.
"This… THIS CAN BE BEING SAVING MY BUSINESS!!
Oh, how I am being loving and loathing you, Monsieur Lector! Thank you and good
riddance!"
He sighed and wiped his head as he got the bowl
of soup he had saved for himself out of the refrigerator, sipping it quietly
as he chuckled to himself in disbelief that it had actually worked.
Mock Chia and Cobrall-flavored powder came in
handy sometimes.
The End… but not for Hanniblepaw…
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