NEOPIA CENTRAL - I must confess that I deeply admire people from non-English
speaking countries (like America) that play Neopets. Not only do they have to
understand what is going on in a semi-real language, they have to learn an entirely
made-up language too. It must be exactly the same as how I feel in Chemistry
class. So here is a dictionary of Neopinglish to help you understand what everyone
is SAYING, even if what they are DOING still makes no sense whatsoever.
Borovan : A frothy hot drink that owns five Neopets.
Chuffer (as in Chuffer Bob) : One who chuffs. Aren't you glad I cleared
that up for you?
Coltzan (as in Coltzan's Shrine) : The only place in Neopia where you
can get burnt food and squashed fruit absolutely free of charge.
Deep Catacombs : A dark, damp, cold, dungeon-like cave beneath Neopia Central
where all of the miserable rejects are forced to live. These rejects are called
"writers" and "artists". It's actually quite comfy there when you get used to
it... ummm... so they tell me... *cough cough*.
Deserted Fairground : The literal translation in Neopinglish is "a really
busy place with a lot of shops".
Faerie Quest : Sometimes a Faerie will pop up and ask you get her some odd
random item but won't let you use the Shop Wizard to look for it. If you refuse
to do it, the Faerie will torture you by not allowing you to get her anything
for another couple of hours. Oh, the pain! The torment!
Fuzzle : A bizarre thing that is neither a Neopet or a Petpet but tells you
it wants to be your friend.
Gadgadsbogen : Literally translated, it means "good good day". What this has
to do with fruit is anybody's guess. To me, Gadgadsbogen is any day Dr. Sloth
doesn't turn my Blue Lupe Plushie into a Pile of Sludge.
Gallery of Evil : Any private shop that takes more than ten minutes to load.
Guild : A club that allows the person in charge to legally declare themselves
an "emperor" and get Beauty Contest votes.
Haggle : The ability to leave a Neopets shop without hitting the "back" button
simply by entering the number "5" six times in a row.
Hidden Tower : Hidden tower. Duh.
Itchy Scratchies : A disease so horrible that if you try to mention that your
pet has it in Neomail or on a message board, you will be blocked from even saying
Krawk : A Neopet designed specifically so everyone can enjoy begging other
people for it.
Lab Ray : A device that is located in the Secret Lab. You need to collect
nine pieces of the Secret Laboratory Map in order to have access to the Lab
Ray. You can collect nine of the same piece if you want, but it only works if
you have nine DIFFERENT pieces. It can improve the stats of your pets, but just
keep in mind that your pet, Pinkfluffyrosepetalneo, could prefer being called
Bruno after being zapped.
Monitor : A type of lizard that haunts the chat boards and has the mystical
Negg : An egg-shaped object that will do interesting things for your pet for
less than you would pay to buy a small country.
Neopet : A creature that is exactly like a real pet in every way-- except
that it thanks you for feeding it, reads books and wears Halloween costumes.
Neopian Standard Time (NST) : The clock on which Neopia is based, which I
believe is on Poptart's wrist. Of course there is also a NDST (Neopian Daylight
Savings Time) too. Since they don't mention that, I guess it's one of those
things that Neopets does to keep us thoroughly confused on any given day.
Petpet : This is a pet for a pet that is your pet. Eventually there will be
Petpet Pets and Petpet Petpets. The idea is to have this spiral off into a sort
of microscopic Neopet oblivion.
Plushie : A plushie is a stuffed animal toy. Except if the stuffed animal
toy is an Aisha or an Elephante. Then it's called a "doll". And it's not a stuffed
animal if it's something like the Brain Tree or El Picklesaur. Okay... let's
make this easier. It's a fat toy and a weird paint brush.
Purple Megalith : Exactly like a magenta Megalith, only purple.
Random Event : Anything that occurs in Neopia that involves a passing Bruce.
Scarab : This is sort of an Egyptian holy bug, but I think the name comes
from the fact they used it in ancient times to scare Arabs. Quite frankly, it
scares me too.
Scorchstone : A powerful Battledome weapon that not only comes in pretty colors,
but does just about everything OTHER than actually scorching anything.
Shop Wizard : A search tool to check the price of a certain item that may
be for sale in a privately owned shop. The only magical thing about the Shop
"Wiz" is that the lowest prices only show up after you refresh the page six
or seven times.
Snowager : A big worm in the Ice Caves section of Terror Mountain that drinks
way too much coffee. If he runs out of coffee, he falls asleep. Then you can
try to grab some cool object he is sitting on because he doesn't know the difference
between a keyring and a couch.
Spam : A type of lunch meat that multiplies itself over and over again on
the message boards. A type of lunch meat that multiplies itself over and over
again on the message boards. A type of lunch meat that multiplies itself over
and over again on the message boards. A type of lunch meat that multiplies itself
over and over again...
Tiki Tack Tombola : Tiki means "a male figure in Polynesian myth, sometimes
identified as the first man.". Tack means "food, especially coarse or
inferior foodstuffs". Tombola means "a lottery in which tickets are drawn
from a revolving drum". So translated, Tiki Tack Tombola means "Polynesian-guy-junk-food-lottery-thingy".
This is a very annoying Neopinglish phrase because it actually MEANS something.
Luckily for us this doesn't happen much.
Transmogrification Potion : This is something that turns your Neopet into
a horrible, disgusting, weird and terrifying mutant. Which is probably why there
is no Lenny Transmogrification Potion. It's hard to imagine anything worse than
a normal Lenny.
Trophy: Anything that exists in someone's User Lookup that you don't have
a chance of ever getting.
Tyrannia : Translated from the Tyrannian language it means "place where
Tyranu Evavu : These are loosely translated Tyrannian words meaning "higher"
and "lower". But when both words are used together it means "fork over the Neopoints,
Usuki : A fashion Usul doll designed to make the items that are actually for
sale in a private shop gallery impossible to find and buy before someone else
Virtupets (as in Virtupets Space Station) : The "Virtual" pets here
are really nothing more than computer images. This makes them completely different
from "Neopets", which are absolutely real.
PRONOUN... PRONUN... How to Say Stuff
The official Pronunciation
Guide on the World page is a guide to ummm... pronunciation. I won't discuss
how to pronounce ALL the words listed there, but I will point out some common
mistakes people make in that department.
Borovan is pronounced borrow-van. Anyone with a Learner's Permit and
at least one parent can say this with ease.
Eyrie is pronounced eerie as in, "it's eerie that a pet can have the
body of a lion, the head and wings of an eagle, and the ears of a wolf and not
be considered a mutant".
Sakhmet is pronounced sark-met. I haven't a clue where the "R" came
from, but it probably originated somewhere between the letters "Q" and "S".
Grarrl is pronounced grahl. I haven't a clue where the second and third
"R" went, but I have a feeling Sakhmet stole them.
Turmaculus is pronounced term-in-ated as in "can't do this anymore".
The plural of Buzz is "Buzzzz".
The plural of Cybunny is "Cybillions".
The plural of Kacheek is "Kacheekers".
The plural of Kyrii is "Kyrii" unless you're buying books like Basic Healing
for Kyriis or Mythical Kyriis.
The plural of Lupe is "Lupe Pack".
I know that this dictionary of Neopinglish is nowhere near complete, but I
hope that with this compact guide you will be able to speak like a native in
no time. Which is a pity, because I was hoping you'd be able to speak like a