A Poultry Plot?
MYSTERY ISLAND - Most of us have seen turkey dinners and duck necks in Neopia,
and many know that before Thanksgiving and then Christmas, prices skyrocketed
and have come down slowly since. However, where do these items come from? I
mean, seriously--has anyone seen a turkey waddling around Mystery Island lately?
Well, I can tell you that I have seen neither turkey nor duck in Neopia, which
presents the question: How on Neopia are we supplied with these meals? This
question has been looming over me and bothering me to no end for a few days.
Are there actually turkeys on Neopia so wild and good at survival that they
are excellent hide-and-seek players? Do Neopians that live partly on Earth bring
them, somehow, to Neopia? Furthermore, if the latter is true and our pets are
willing to eat animals indigenous to Earth, then what's to stop Earthlings from
destroying animals from Neopia? How are we to stop this barbaric process?
Okay, so I'm not a vegetarian and I'm not planning on becoming one anytime
soon, and neither are my pets; however, it doesn't seem fair to the poor fowls
that they have to be tortured both on Neopia and Earth. Therefore, I have compiled
six theories that could be the cause of the strife or so many fowls.
The Smuggle Theory
Maybe, as aforesaid, Neopians smuggle turkey in from Earth. The only problem
with this is that it seems like it would be a difficult process, and it hardly
seems logical. It would be very difficult unless this particular person happened
to be part of the Neopets Team, in which case turkeys would not have literally
been shoved into a computer anyway. For the most part, I think this can be ruled
The Hunter Theory
Maybe the other suggestion is true. Is wild turkey lurking about, scuttling
away from vile turkey-and-duck-hunters? Could they be right there in our very
own gardens, hiding in the rowzez, waiting for that human to pass by? Perhaps.
However, you'd think we would have noticed by now, even if they are superb at
keeping quiet and out of sight. Maybe they aren't about our NeoHomes, but could
they be around in the Haunted Wood, away from the main grove; could they be
on the beaches of Mystery Island; or could they be concealed by the peak on
The Intelligence Theory
Perhaps poultry is smarter than we think and know how to work computers,
and, while absorbed in caring for pets or playing a game, they are captured.
This, however, doesn't seem like a plausible theory. After all, while on Neopets,
do you necessarily materialise into Neopia? Besides, how many user-lookups are
out there that read, "Gobble! Gobble!"? I thought so.
The Entrepreneur Theory
Of course, this could be more innocent. Maybe it is just a person who found
a good way to make money by bringing in turkey and duck from the farm they run
and selling them. They would be very wealthy by now. It would be a wonderfully
prosperous way to make money, and, on the surface, it seems almost harmless.
Yet little do they know....
The Careless Theory
There's also always the obvious solution. Could the Neopets Team simply
have been thoughtless? Could they have dumped in some turkey and duck for their
enjoyment? Was it a small mistake? It's a pretty easy mistake to make, after
all, because turkey dinners on Earth are considered normal. There's nothing
strange about them at all until they mysteriously appear in fowl-less worlds.
The Cruelty Theory
Okay, so maybe they just made a careless mistake--but maybe the Team totally
is heartless and likes seeing unfair actions taken. You never know, after all.
This may be likely, but is it true?
The Pet Theory
These duck dinners could possibly be made with Neopian animals like Mallards.
What about turkeys, though? Where does that leave them? Where does that leave
the other foods on Neopia that also are native to Earth? Take pork steak, for
example. Where are the pigs? Are they Snorkles? Is the steak part Earth cows
or Kaus? What about ham? Kau-Kau farm milk: an innocent item or a clue to other
practices on Neopia?
The Conspiracy Theory
Is it a plot? Could a shadow--an established evildoer or a toddler just
learning to walk in the scheme of evil scheming--be hovering, just waiting to
cross paths with some unsuspecting, or possibly suspecting, fowl? That seems
likely, at least to me. After all, turkey isn't, under normal circumstances,
found in Neopia, so there must be someone--or something--scheming...planning...just
Therefore, as you can see, I can merely speculate about these turkeys and ducks
as well as other foods that call Earth home. I can't be sure; is it just a little
thing that was overlooked by the Neopets Team? Maybe. A conspiracy? Possibly.
Yet I know this one thing for certain: whatever is lurking about persecuting
turkey and duck, whether it be Chet Flash, Sloth, or Neopets Team, it surely
cannot be a good thing. Whether the destroyer just an innocent entrepreneur
or a certified bloodthirsty insane person that escaped from some asylum, he
or she is a certain candidate for the Gallery of Evil.
I would welcome almost any comments or opinions about this article, so please
feel free to Neomail