Chaotic_Paradox and the Petpet
Chaotic_Paradox, or Chaos for short, was lying on his
stomach on a Tiger Bed, his eyes glazed and dreamy. The reason for this was
that he happened to be staring at a Baby Fireball. I was watching Chaos staring
at the Petpet when Bluefire104, (otherwise known as just plain Bluefire) my
blue Scorchio, decided to barge in. Of course, it wasn't really barging in,
considering all he was doing was entering his own room.
"Chaos! GET OFF MY BED!" he yelled, eying his
brother's muddy feet. Chaos, a blue Zafara, took no notice whatsoever, and continued
staring mindlessly. Bluefire stomped into the room, and used his sturdy tail
to sweep off Chaos off the bed. Chaos, naturally enough, fell off the bed and
onto the floor. For some strange reason he remained in the same position, rock-still.
Bluefire and I accepted this as normal behaviour
for the, uh, eccentric Zafara. That's an understatement in a big way. Many would
call Chaos insane, crazy, a nutcase even. But I bet they've never seen him give
a lecture on the psychological effects of Rubber Ducks. Strangely enough, Chaos
is 95% quirk, 5% logic. But when he's logical, he's really logical, as if to
make up for all the crazy way he behaves the other 95% of the time. Truly bizarre.
Bluefire104, on the other hand, is 95% logic, 5% quirk. And when he's in a quirky
mood, he goes all out weird. Equally bizarre. But anyway, on this particular
occasion, both my Neopets were in their majority moods. If that makes any sense.
In other words, Bluefire was being logical and Chaos was being, well, an idiot.
Kinda like me.
Bluefire groaned when he saw the filthy bed
covers. He tapped Chaos' head, got a hollow noise in response, and kicked him.
When that didn't work, he breathed a little fire onto the tip of the Zafara's
tail. That didn't work either, even though the fur burned easily. When Chaos
finally did realise he was on fire, he jumped to his feet, and ran round in
circles in panic. That's my boy. By the time the fire had been extinguished,
I was laughing to the point of hysterics, Bluefire was trying to contain his
laughter, and Chaos was pretending to be a Mallard. After a few minutes, Bluefire
asked, "Why were you staring at Doriak?"
Chaos stood up straight like a soldier standing
to attention, stroked his beard, (well, chin fur) and said in a pompous voice,
"The unnatural obsession with the specimen indicates a deep, subconscious longing,
possibly a psychological abnormality relating the absence of the specimen in
the subject's existence. Alternate explanations may include pathological disorders,
schizophrenia, or some form of psychoses. However, all are unlikely. According
to the tradition definition of the word, the subject may be considered a sociopath,
in keeping with the usual symptoms. However, no violent tendencies have been
exposed, implying that the probability of a sociopathic condition is decreased.
As violence only marks a sociopath's behaviour in extreme circumstances, the
probability of a sociopathic state still remains. But note must be taken of
various contradictions of the definition of sociopath. Therefore, I am able
to confidently confirm that the subject's condition, a.k.a. mine, is unique
and in all probability untreatable."
I replied, with a rather dumbfounded look on
my face, "Who's doing what now?"
Bluefire, in a rather condescending way I thought,
translated the gibberish into layman's terms and said, "Chaos means that he's
staring at my Petpet 'cos he doesn't have one."
I thought hard, and decided no Neopet should
be driven to stare at another Neopet's Petpet, just because they're filled with
longing. Especially when that Neopet is one I'm responsible for. It was time
to go Petpet shopping.
First stop, Neopia Central. We tumbled off the bus, glad to be off the uncomfortable
seats and out of the oppressively hot and humid atmosphere. The gruff Wocky
bus driver pulled to door closed behind us, and drove off, humming the tune
of a song playing on the radio. We made a beeline for the Petpet shop, with
Chaos actually co-operating for once. We burst in the door, and Chaos raced
around like a kid in a Chocolate Factory. Or a Zafara in a Petpet store. After
just a few seconds, his pace slowed, and he was visibly upset. I could tell
that none were right for him. I turned to the store owner with a pleading look
in my eyes. The Usul just shrugged, her way of saying that she had no more Petpets
in stock. We took more look around, but still nothing caught Chaos' eye.
"How about a nice Warf?" I asked.
"Nuh, too yappy."
"I'm not a Lupologist, you know."
"What about, let's see, a Spyder?"
"Too many legs."
Sighing, I gave up. We took one more look around,
but to no avail. But I wasn't going to give up so easily. We traveled everywhere
that day, looking in Petpet shops in everywhere ranging from Faerieland to the
Lost Desert. We looked at Flouds, Clompkins, Candychans, Pawkeets, Cyodraiks,
Pincerons, Wadjets, and even Baby Blus, but still, Chaos could not find the
perfect Petpet. Finally, we reached the Tyrannian Petpet shop, the only Petpet
shop we had not yet visited that day. We took a long look around, and my heart
sank as I saw Chaos' look of disappointment. Just no Petpet suited him. I sighed
to myself as Chaos half-heartedly took a closer look at a Magtile, narrowly
avoiding a nasty bite. He would never find the right Petpet. I mean, Petpets
are ideally suited to their owner. Bluefire104 had a Baby Fireball because he
was a creature with a natural affinity with fire. Chaos however, would need
a Petpet with a personality as varied as his own. Or several different personalities.
But that was impossible, considering that Neopets were allowed only one Petpet
each. Suddenly, an idea hit me like a bolt of lightning. Or maybe it actually
was a bolt of lightning. Some people just aren't careful where they aim their
Improved Lightning Beams these days. But the point was that I had an idea. Why
didn't I think of it before? Several different personalities!
We traveled back to Neopia Central, (via a boat,
a ferry, and the bus driven by the gruff Wocky) and I eagerly rushed into the
bank. The Skeith at the counter politely asked, "What may I do for you today,
gentlepets and gentlemen?"
Of course, I would have dearly loved to reply,
"Change your tie for once. I mean, it looks horrible with your suit, so get
a new one, you stingy miser." But, I didn't. Instead I asked, "I would like
access to my safety deposit box please."
We were promptly led to a huge corridor, through
several other adjoining corridors, and end up in front a large, circular steel
door, on which was a sturdy looking handle. The handle was shiny and circular,
the kind where you had to rotate it to open up whatever the handle was supposed
to open. The officious Skeith inserted a brass key into a keyhole, which looked
way too small for the door. I imagined a giant keyhole and matching key, and
chuckled to myself. The Skeith, with much sweating and the occasional curse,
turned the handle with difficulty and opened up the vault. I thanked him, and
stepped inside. My Neopets did likewise, while the Skeith hurried off down the
corridor again in order to serve another customer. I searched through the shelves
and boxes, coming to one section containing several pens (the kind that hold
animals, not the kind you write with), a few cages, and some fishbowls. All
contained a Petpet of some kind. I searched frantically among them, and my eyes
finally came to rest upon what I had been looking for. Chaos and Bluefire came
running, wondering why my search had suddenly stopped.
"Why are there so many Petpets in here?" Bluefire
"Oh, some I've gotten a few from quests over
the years and never had the heart to sell, but the vast majority come from my
sister's gallery when she stopped playing Neopets," I replied. Bluefire nodded
his head, remembering the time I spent transferring the Petpets. During which
Bluefire and I had gotten our fair share of nips, bites, and general injuries.
Or to be precise, Bluefire got his fair share of nips, bites and injuries, considering
he was the one I persuaded into shifting all of the Petpets. I would have convinced
Chaos to help too, but he hadn't been created yet.
Slowly, I reached into a pen (yet again, the
kind that holds animals, not the kind you write with) and gently pulled out
a cuddly Bearog. I set him on the floor, where he scampered around happily.
I beamed. "I figured that no matter what mood
you're in, one of the personalities of one of these heads of this Bearog will
suit you fine, Chaos."
Chaos picked up the Bearog reverently, and the
Bearog immediately started licking Chaos frantically. "He's so cute!" he squealed.
"I'll think I'll name him-" he thought for a moment, "-Pook."
I raised an eyebrow in confusion, and Bluefire
did likewise. "Pook?" we asked simultaneously.
"Of course. What else?" said Chaos. He pointed
to the head to the left. "I'll name this one Pookee." He pointed to the middle
head, "I'll name this one Pooky." And finally, he pointed to the head to the
right. "And I'll name this one Pookie. But together their joint name will be
"Those are spelt differently, right?" I said
Chaos looked at me as if I was the stupidest
person in Neopia. "Duh."
"So," continued Bluefire, "you could consider
their last names to be Pook, right?"
"Well, yeah. Kinda," said Chaos.
"So, you're willing to take responsibility for
this Petpet?" I asked.
"Yup. I'll feed him, and love him, and play
with him, and clean up after him, and teach him how to pretend to be a radioactive
tap-dancing pineapple with optional drink-holders, and-"
"I get the point, Chaos," I interrupted. "Well,
it's settled then. We've finally found you a Petpet, Chaos."
The first thing Pook did when he got home was to sniff, and attempt to eat
Doriak, Bluefire's Baby Fireball. As a result, Pook ended up with a burnt tongue.
Or more accurately, three burnt tongues. Chaos immediately picked up Pook, muttered
something about Doriak smelling like a Pile of Dung, and brought Pook to his
room, where he was assigned a comfy spot on the Zen Rug. As Chaos bustled about,
trying to organise things for his new Petpet, I watched on with a touch of amusement.
Bluefire, on the other hand, was fairly wary. Understandable, since Pook had
just tried to eat his Petpet. When Chaos was finally satisfied that all was
well, he sat down, trying to teach Pook tricks. Both Bluefire and I watched
on interestedly, as Chaos tried to get the attention of all three heads.
"Pookee, Pooky and Pookie," he said angrily,
" pay attention!"
But Pookee kept on scratching his ear, Pooky
kept on licking the carpet, and Pookie kept on barking. Chaos pulled out a packet
of Assorted Neodrops, and opened it. The crackle of the plastic got the attention
of all three heads fast, and they all slobbered, eager eyes fixed upon the sweets.
Chaos smiled in triumph, and waved the packet tantalisingly close to Pook. Pook
lunged, all three heads vying for the treats. But all missed miserably, as Chaos
pulled them away quickly. Pook crashed into a table leg, and I was forced to
steady a lamp that was in danger of falling.
"Nuh uh uh," cooed Chaos. "No sweets till you
do a trick. Now watch me." Chaos sat up on his hind legs, and let his forelegs
stick out in front like a zombie, with the paws floppy and limp. "Come on, boy.
Beg. Come on, beg. You can do it."
Pook sat up just like Chaos in the beg position.
Chaos positively shone with pride. "Good boy. Good boy. Now you can have a reward."
With that, Chaos popped a Neodrop into each of Pook's mouths.
"Uh, Chaos?" ventured Bluefire uncertainly.
"I don't those Neodrops are meant for Petpet consumption."
"Nonsense," scoffed Chaos. "The metabolism
and basic workings are virtually identical between the Zafaras and Bearogs.
Therefore no harm should come to Pook."
Pook begged again, and this time Chaos spilled
out the entire packet of Assorted Neodrops, Pookee, Pooky and Pookie gobbling
them all up eagerly.
"Apart from the fact that Zafaras don't have
three heads," added Bluefire.
"Well, yes, but that should have no significant
impact," replied Chaos. He kept on training Pook, and Pook kept on gobbling
up treats like there was no tomorrow. Bluefire and I exited the room, both hoping
that no harm would befall Pook from eating those Neodrops.
The next morning came, and still nothing seemed wrong with Pook. Bluefire
and I both breathed a sigh of relief. We were all seated around the breakfast
table. Bluefire was eating an Organic Green Apple, I was eating (or attempting
to, at least) some Pickled Olives (if only that darn lid would come off), and
Chaos was slurping away at a slushie, the contents of which I'd rather not think
about. Or smell, for that matter. Doriak was hovering behind and to the left
of Bluefire, soaking up the contents of a Firestorm Bottle. That was when Pook
bounded in, all three tongues hanging out, dribbling saliva all over my nice
clean kitchen linoleum. Chaos smugly ordered Pook to beg, and made a nasty remark
about Doriak not being able to do any tricks.
"Doriak, do me a favour please. Show my dear,
dim-witted brother that you do know how to do tricks. Singe off his eyebrows,"
Doriak complied, shooting out a tongue of flame.
Chaos ducked at the last moment, and popped back up, poking out his tongue and
chanting "Nya nya nya! Doriak can't even singe my eyebrows! Nya nya nya!"
Bluefire, taking another bite from his apple,
calmly replied, "But he can set your head on fire."
And that was when Chaos realised, that although
Doriak had missed his eyebrows, he had still managed to ignite the tuft of fur
on his head. What followed was a minute and a half of utter chaos. But that
was put to an end when Chaos stuck his head under the tap. Since that tap was
for the hot water, not the cold water, yet another minute and a half of chaos
ensued. By the time it was over, Pook had given up on getting a treat and stopped
begging, Chaos had both a scorched and soaked head (an odd combination I must
say), and naturally enough, I was in hysterics. Bluefire just kept on munching
on his apple, trying not to look too pleased with himself. One of the more normal
breakfasts at my NeoHome. You don't even want to read about what it's like on
bad days. Chaos, muttering to himself, sat on a wooden stool in the corner,
feeding Pook stuff from his paw.
"What are you feeding Pook?" asked Bluefire,
in a sudden burst of nosiness.
"None of your business."
"C'mon, tell me!"
"None of your business, Mr Busybody."
"That's Mr Busybody Sir to you," I chipped in.
Bluefire gave me a nasty glare, and suddenly
snatched something from Chaos' paw. All of those training Codestones sure went
to good use. Chaos, being barely trained for speed, couldn't compete. Bluefire
held up a nearly empty packet of Assorted Neodrops.
"Those again!" I exclaimed.
"Chaos, Chaos, Chaos," said Bluefire sadly.
"When will you ever learn?" Suddenly, a suspicious glint came into his eye.
He rushed upstairs, and raced into Chaos' bedroom, with me not far behind. Bluefire
picked through the disorderly mess, and found what he suspected. It was a waste
paper basket, full to the brim with Neodrop packets! Chaos came running into
the room with a great deal of panting. Once he saw the evidence, he dropped
his head in shame.
"You've been feeding Pook all of those Neodrops,
haven't you?" I accused. Chaos merely looked even guiltier.
"Look at this!" Bluefire exclaimed. "See, it
on the back of the packet, in small print next to the ingredients list- Excessive
consumption of this product will lead to temporary extreme laxative effects.
For Neopet consumption only. The Chocolate Factory does not carry any responsibility
for any ill effects should Assorted Neodrops be consumed not according to instructions
and warnings, i.e. in event of consumption by Petpets, humans, tap-dancing pineapples
with optional drink holders, etc."
"Now look what you've done," I said in disgust.
"Now if something bad happens to Pook, we can't even sue the Chocolate Factory
"Uh, Bluey? There are no lawyers in Neopia,"
reminded Bluefire gently.
"Hmm. I should make a complaint about that.
But in the meantime, we're just going to have to wait and see what happens to
Pook," I said glumly. Poor Chaos looked as though his heart would break.
"But you never know," I added quickly. "Maybe
nothing will happen at all."
At that, Chaos didn't even attempt a hopeful
smile, and I could tell that Bluefire felt sorry for him just as much as I did.
For the rest of the day, my NeoHome was shrouded in a kind of gloom.
Suddenly, I was awakened from my afternoon nap,
um, I mean, disturbed from my, uh, afternoon poker game, by a horrific screech,
which would have sent chills through my heart and caused me to curl up into
a fetal position and wet myself, had I not recognised the cry as coming from
I rushed to where the noise had been coming
from, and found myself in the kitchen instead. So, since I was there anyway,
I grabbed a Cheeseburger and rushed towards the sound once more. This time,
I found myself in Chaos' bedroom, next to Bluefire and Chaos, both fixated upon
poor Pook. They were frozen to their positions, and as I looked at Pook, I discovered
why. The poor Bearog was now multicoloured, not to mention slightly transparent.
When I say multicoloured, I don't mean lots of colours swished together like
a Rainbow Swirly Thing. I mean clearly defined patches of colour on different
parts of Pook's body. Pookie's head was green, while Pooky's head was red, and
Pookee's head was yellow. Pook's legs were blue, and his body was orange, while
his short tail was fluorescent purple. I racked my brains, wondering what Pook
resembled. Then it hit me. I slowly walked up to Pook, and…licked Pookie's head.
I clearly tasted the sharp tang of lime. Poor Pook had become a Bearog shaped
Neodrop! In different flavours, of course. I stepped way, and shook my head
sadly. Looking deep into Bluefire's and Chaos' eyes, I could tell that they
had come to the same conclusion I had.
That night, the atmosphere was unusually quiet
and solemn. At the dinner table, while we were munching on our Turkey Dinners,
Chaos broke down.
"I miss Pook!" he wailed hysterically, sobbing
at the same time.
Bluefire, with a tear in his eye, said, "We
all do, buddy."
Later that night, we all comforted each other,
and hoped feverishly that Pook would be okay.
The next morning, Chaos rushed down the stairs, nearly tripping several times.
He sprinted into the dining room, where Bluefire and I were eating breakfast.
"Pook's okay!" he screamed joyfully.
"Really?" I asked in disbelief.
As if on cue, Pook came running into the room,
normal coloured, furry and opaque again. Bluefire and I leapt out of out seats
and did a little dance. Well, at least I did. Bluefire just jumped up and down
Afterwards, we wondered why Pook had returned
to his normal state. We were all stuck for an answer, until Bluefire recalled
the words on the packet of Assorted Neodrops.
Excessive consumption of this product will
lead to temporary extreme laxative effects. For Neopet consumption only. The
Chocolate Factory does not carry any responsibility for any effects should
Assorted Neodrops be consumed not according to instructions and warnings,
i.e. In event of consumption by Petpets, humans, tap-dancing pineapples with
optional drink holders, etc. , Bluefire thought. That's it!
He told Chaos and I excitedly, "It says TEMPORARY
extreme laxative effects!"
"So?" I said. Then, it began to dawn on me.
"So maybe all the other effects were temporary too!"
Chaos, however, refused to believe Bluefire's
explanation. Chaos preferred to believe in miracles. And in my opinion, that
wasn't such a bad thing.