Main Page Go to Short Stories Go back to Articles Go to Comics Go to Continued Series Go to Editorial Go to New Series

Show All | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 | Week 5 | Week 6 | Week 7 | Week 8 | Week 9 | Week 10 | Week 11 | Week 12 | Week 13 | Week 14 | Week 15 | Week 16 | Week 17 | Week 18 | Week 19 | Week 20 | Week 21 | Week 22 | Week 23 | Week 24 | Week 25 | Week 26 | Week 27 | Week 28 | Week 29 | Week 30 | Week 31 | Week 32 | Week 33 | Week 34 | Week 35 | Week 36 | Week 37 | Week 38 | Week 39 | Week 40 | Week 41 | Week 42 | Week 43 | Week 44 | Week 45 | Week 46 | Week 47 | Week 48 | Week 49 | Week 50 | Week 51 | Week 52 | Week 53 | Week 54 | Week 55 | Week 56 | Week 57 | Week 58 | Week 59 | Week 60 | Week 61 | Week 62 | Week 63 | Week 64 | Week 65 | Week 66 | Week 67 | Week 68 | Week 69 | Week 70 | Week 71 | Week 72 | Week 73 | Week 74 | Week 75 | Week 76 | Week 77 | Week 78 | Week 79 | Week 80 | Week 81 | Week 82 | Week 83 | Week 84 | Week 85 | Week 86 | Week 87 | Week 88 | Week 89 | Week 90 | Week 91 | Week 92 | Week 93 | Week 94 | Week 95 | Week 96 | Week 97 | Week 98 | Week 99 | Week 100 | Week 101 | Week 102 | Week 103 | Week 104 | Week 105 | Week 106 | Week 107 | Week 108 | Week 109 | Week 110 | Week 111 | Week 112 | Week 113 | Week 114 | Week 115 | Week 116 | Week 117 | Week 118 | Week 119 | Week 120 | Week 121 | Week 122 | Week 123 | Week 124 | Week 125 | Week 126 | Week 127 | Week 128 | Week 129 | Week 130 | Week 131 | Week 132 | Week 133 | Week 134 | Week 135 | Week 136 | Week 137 | Week 138 | Week 139 | Week 140 | Week 141 | Week 142 | Week 143 | Week 144 | Week 145 | Week 146 | Week 147 | Week 148 | Week 149

Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 16th day of Eating, Yr 23
The Neopian Times Week 72 > Articles > My 100% Guaranteed No-Fail Method for Dealing with Rejections

My 100% Guaranteed No-Fail Method for Dealing with Rejections

by ember188

DEEP CATACOMBS - It's a fact of life: all successful (and not so successful) Neopian Times writers get rejected at some point or another. If it's happened to you, you've probably been told to keep resubmitting it or to write a bigger, better story. But, inevitably, that gets rejected too. What do you do now? Well, if you're like me you most likely start to wonder if your life has any real meaning anymore. But WAIT, there IS hope. Below I have provided a comprehensible guide to handling rejections that will help you go from tears to laughter in practically no time at all. So before you start looking into finding a nice, high cliff to hurl yourself off of, try the following steps.

Step 1: Cry. Go ahead, let it all out. It's not childish, really it's not! Throw the absolute biggest tantrum in your entire life. Wail, rant, and rave if you have to, but then move on.

Step 2: Whack-A-Staff-Member. Ah, what a truly, truly, great game. I have to take a pause here to thank Neopets for blessing us with this wonderful way to let ourselves go. Okay, pause over. If you normally have your computer muted, turn up the sound for this one: you can even hear the staff members' real voices crying out when you bash them on the head with your great big mallet. Even though Mr. Shankly, the editor of The Neopian Times, isn't featured here, it ought to help you enormously. Whack-A-Staff-Member will help you let out some excess anger. Don't let it all out just yet, though: you'll need some of it for later. For this game will also get you into the mood for step 3.

Step 3: Shankly bashing time. Now that you're done whacking random staff members, it's time to get the real culprit: Mr. Shankly, Neopian Times editor. Draw a comic about Shankly's dung obsession. Make up a story about Psycho Shankly, the Dung Crook, making absolute sure that he falls off cliffs and gets beaten up by baby chias he attempts to steal candy from as often as possible. Write a poem about him being mobbed by angry writers or a song about him getting run over by a reindeer. Make your writing and drawing as childish and petty as humanly possible. Shankly steals pants off of Pant Devil, having misplaced his own; Shankly goes on a blind date with Chet Flash; Shankly goes to Neopia Central wearing a speedo and is arrested for indecency; Shankly smears dung on his face and runs around yelling “Look! I'm Turmaculus poo!” until the nice people in white coats come to give him a pretty jacket and a cozy new apartment. It's all good. You can keep your finished product to laugh at or, if it's good enough, try submitting it to The Neopian Times. You'd be surprised at how friendly and understanding Mr. Shankly really is.

Step 4: Plan to take over Neopia. Neopets can't be in very good hands if your wonderful, beautiful story wasn't published. Plan to overthrow each and every staff member. Consider putting sleeping potion in Adam's asparagus, replacing Shankly's Studio Stunt Hair Gel with the Brain Control variety, dyeing Donna's hair brown so no one recognises her. Wait, no, scratch that last one. Develop an evil laugh, something like this: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Yeah, that will do. Think about what you would do if you ran Neopia; give free codestones to everyone (except your enemies), create a Battledome weapon that only works for you, build a NeoHome completely out of chocolate and put cookie trees in every garden. BUT DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO PUT YOUR PLAN INTO ACTION! Geez, this activity is just for fun! What are you, crazy? Put that poison dart down now! If you want to, write about it, but don't actually DO it. It's not like anything you could think up would actually work, anyway... would it? Um... can I be in on it for giving you the idea, please?

By this time, you ought to be rolling on the ground laughing, or at the very least have a huge grin on your face. You have let out your anger, had some fun the Neopets Staff's expense, exercised your creativity, and maybe even written another piece worth sending into the Times. It's an all-around win situation! Except for Mr. Shankly, who now gets to read your charming comic or story about him if you choose to submit it. Oh well, have fun!


Search :
Other Stories

Chatspeak put in Perspective
In all my time on Neopets, I have discovered the curious fact that most people who use "chatspeak" don't know what chatspeak is.

by sarakrindel


Waaah! Why is Neopia Closed?
I would go to grab some free omelette and wind up face to face with a sign that read, "The Omelette is gone!"

by stoneman3x


Crisis Strikes the Conference Room at Neopets, Inc.
A couple of weeks ago, ten random Neopets staff members were called to a meeting...

by alexmax13


Weird Foods: Intestine and Marinara
Intestines and Marinara is one of the many spooky foods in the Neopian menu...

by hippiesoul


The Art of Hate Mail
It has come to my attention lately that the majority of hate mail circulating in Neopia is decidedly sub par.

by oddhatter


Neopets | Main | Articles | Editorial
Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series | Search