Neopet Colours: The Freaky and the Weird
RAINBOW POOL - That's it! I can't take this any more! Has the whole of Neopia
gone crazy? First of all, there was the Baby paint brush. I thought that was
a little weird, but hey, what could I do about it anyway? Then came the Ghost
paint brush. I thought this was both weird and spooky, but I thought it was
just an evil demonic plan to take over Neopia, so I wasn't too worried. Finally,
came the Plushie paint brush. That was the last straw. Plushie paint brush!?!?!?
Not only is this weird, spooky (well, maybe not spooky), its sickeningly cute!
Well, to some people anyway. To others it's a complete 'perversion of nature'
to quote Edward Scissorhands. I, Bluescorchio104, the annoying, opinionated,
raving and ranting specialist, will detail just how, exactly, these things are
freaky, weird, and bizarre. Not to mention silly.
Baby Paint Brush - Why turn back the clock? Why do Neopets feel the
need to be young again? Or maybe they don't. In some cases (only some, not all,
I might add) the owner makes the decision and goes ahead and paints the Neopet
without his/her consent. Sad. How many Neopets do you know that would like to
be suddenly, with no prior warning, jerked out of their comfortable, well-adjusted
way of life to become a drooling baby? How did this paint brush come into being
anyway? I bet that it was created by some twisted faerie, since it sells in
the Hidden Tower. Definitely. And when I say twisted I mean as in malicious/evil/not
very nice/crazy etc., not as in coiled or curled. The question is, why? Many
people on Earth wish to return to their former childhood. The problem is, a
Neopet never had a childhood. Does this indicate that in fact a happy childhood
does in fact come at a price? If they wanted a good ol' dose of nostalgia they
could just buy a Disco Paint Brush and go back to the 80's. Or 60's. Or whatever
year hippies populated the Earth. The problem as I see it is the period of adjustment,
for being an adult is very different from being a baby. To go from late nights
to afternoon naps, from Ultimate Burgers to Lemon Merigue Baby Food, is no doubt
very difficult. And what next? Youth and age potions? Teenage Paint Brushes?
Has the world gone mad?????? (Uh oh, too many question marks.)
Ghost Paint Brush - Okay, this is obviously spooky. I mean, this makes
no sense whatsoever. If Neopets can't die, Neopets can't become ghosts. Duh.
Just you wait until Lupes can be painted with the Ghost Paint Brush. Instant
havoc. They would grow unnecessarily aggressive, and start blasting everybody
within sight. They would also have an unfair advantage in the Battledome because
of their ability to constantly heal themselves to full health. Now that's just
plain cheating. I mean, to limit an ability to just one species of a certain
colour? That's discrimination! But luckily, not the worst kind. Because the
worst kind of discrimination is the kind against me. Heh, heh, heh. Okay, that
quote from a television cartoon show was a little unwarranted. But anyway, maybe
if we're lucky, any Lupe painted Ghost will in fact not gain the powers of the
Ghost Lupe. That would be a relief. But I still don't want any Lupes pretending
to be the Ghost Lupe running around and scaring all Neopets out there. And besides,
it would be a bit annoying if you were a Lupe painted Ghost, and people kept
bugging you for a full healing if they mistook you for the real, genuine, legendary
Ghost Lupe. Another thing, can the Neopets painted Ghost actually grasp physical
objects? And do they need to eat or sleep? If the answer to that last question
is no, the owner of a Ghost Neopet is going to save a bundle of NP in food,
no to mention beds, pillows, and blankets. As well as the costs for illnesses,
since I doubt Ghost Neopets can catch colds, Neopox, etc. I still find Neopet
Ghosts a little creepy, and I hope that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
And just how does the Ghost Paint Brush work anyway? I mean, does the paint
brush actually, uh, kill your Neopet, so he/she can make the transition to Ghost?
If you're going to kill your Neopet just so he/she can become the new trendy
colour, I think that's just a little selfish. And how does a Paint Brush kill
your Neopet anyway? You can't kill your Neopet by starvation, or getting the
Snowager to pummel into oblivion, or even long periods of disease, but somehow,
a simple coat of paint will kill it instantly. Amazing. But then again, you
can (I think) paint your Neopet a different colour after painting he/she Ghost.
So, that technically would be resurrecting them from the dead. No thanks. Heck,
I wouldn't want to be dead in the first place. Here's another plausible theory:
maybe, just maybe, the Ghost Paint Brush, rather than killing your Neopet, actually
just separates their soul (or spirit, whatever you want to call it) from their
physical body. Their soul, spirit, or whatever is then represented to our physical
perceptions as a ghostlike figure. This does kind of make sense, especially
when you take into consideration how hard it is to kill your Neopet, which as
of yet is impossible, well, at least to the extent of my knowledge. But then
where does the physical body of your Neopet go? Yet another mystery.
I think chances are that the Ghost Lupe invented this paint brush, to amass
an army of ghosts! Muhahaha!!!! But then he wouldn't be special, unique, one-of-a-kind
anymore. Oh well. A small price to pay for world domination. But if ghosts can't
hold or grip weapons, how are they going to take over the world? By making everybody
wet themselves with fright? Not likely. Who knows? Who cares? Who still sleeps
with their Mallard-shaped night light on?
The Plushie Paint Brush - This paint brush deeply disturbs me. How
can something as innocent as a plushie become such a twisted freak of nature?
It's like Fabric Frankenstein! How can a being made of fabric and stuffing use
Lava Spit in the Battledome, or use a Fireball? Even using a Fire Muffin or
Fire Snow, not to mention a Fire and Ice Blade, would incinerate them. At least
they'll be easy to beat in the Battledome. Not even a Fire Gem could protect
them. Good for all the non-plushies out here, but not so good for all the cottonheads.
And I mean that literally, not as an insult. Huh, good luck to all the Plushie
Neopets out there who like roasting marshmallows on a nice toasty fire. One
stray spark, and your Neopet has just become a very expensive firewood substitute.
You would have to keep a Kacheek Fire Extinguisher on hand at all times. In
case you didn't know, Scorchios were one of the earliest (I think) Neopets to
come out in Plushie design. And as you know, Scorchios are naturally fire creatures,
who have an affinity with heat and flame. So therefore a Plushie Scorchio would
be miserable, to be forced to stay away from their natural element. Also, Scorchios
are supposed to be fire-breathing creatures. I know mine is. They even have
an ability called Scorchio Flame in the Battledome. So how can a Plushie Scorchio,
with a belly full of fire, use Scorchio Flame without incinerating themselves?
That also goes for any other Plushie Neopet with fire abilities. I personally
have no idea. And can they be affected by disease? Will entirely different strains
of disease targeting Plushies magically appear? Neopatch disease, maybe. Maybe
even Faulty Tailor's Foot Fungus.
And to finish off this little rant about paint brushes, why have we been suddenly
hit with this flood of weird colours? I mean, it's not like we asked for it.
Well, except for the people who voted for it in the Neopolls. Will we continue
to be hit by more and more crazy colours? When will it end? WHEN WILL THE AGONY
OF BIZARRE COLOURS END!?!?!?
Author's note: I'd just like to say, some of the colours in Neopia are an eyesore.
But I'm not telling you which ones I don't like. I don't intend to have people
throwing their Tomato Chias at me in the street. It would be very uncomfortable
for me, not mention the Chia. A perfectly ripe tomato Chia gone to waste. Huh,
some Neopians these days. Some poor hungry Lupe could have had that Chia for dinner,
but no, those Neopians had to waste it by throwing that Chia at me. And no, don't
think because of that last statement I'm anti-Chia or pro-Lupe. But I'm not anti-Lupe
or pro-Chia either. I'm kind of neutral on the Lupe vs. Chia issue, you could
Second author's note: Did you notice I used a quote from a movie and a
quote from a television show? Extremely weird. Bizarre. Quack.