COFFEE SHOP - Just a week ago saw the release of the 67th issue of the Neopian
Times. As always, many avid newsletter readers were eager to read stories, articles
or comics about current, past or future events in the world of Neopia. That
group of readers didn't exclude me, of course.
Just as I had finished an interesting read, I was about to turn the page when
something caught my eye. 'Pure Evil,' read a headline in bold letters. 'This
week's issue is brought to you by The Citadel of Evil.' Wouldn't that make Darigan
a sponsor? I don't know very many evil lords who sponsor newspapers, to say
the least. I was intrigued to find out more, and on my quest, I managed to find
many other sponsors who...well...just shouldn't be sponsors.
Week 49 - Potato Counter
A Good Sponsor: (Starts laughing) Sponsor? You're kidding, right?
Well, I think you can already see the peculiarity of a farmer sponsoring a
newspaper, but look at it this way: The farmer doesn't get anything from the
game! That's right. You go to Meridell, you count potatoes, you guess the number
of potatoes, you get it right, and you get money. The thing is that the farmer
is giving you the money, not the other way around. And where on Neopia does
he get all those potatoes? I'm not sure I've seen anyone farm 1925 potatoes
in a day. Wouldn't it cost money to manage a farm? And if so, where does he
get extra money to sponsor the Neopian Times?
Week 51 - MAGAX: Destroyer
A Good Sponsor: You tell me.
Set aside the fact that it sounds like some brand of window cleaner for a second--it's
not. Actually, it was the sponsor of the 51st issue, and a peculiar one, to
say the least. Magax's job is...er...well, non-profit, technically. The infamous
'hero with a dark past' is featured in that popular new game merely because
he has a settle to score with Hubrid Nox, not because he wants a profit. Whether
or not he's rich, no one really knows. The thing we do know is that he's way
too busy to sponsor a newspaper, right?
Week 37 - Uni's Clothing
A Good Sponsor: Kind of...kind of not...
"But Peachifruit, what's the matter with that?" I hear you ask. "It's a company.
Companies sponsor things like that." SOME companies sponsor things like that.
Uni's clothing...is...well...in a financial slump. You see, when you run a business,
you don't just magically acquire the things to sell, the building, and advertisements.
Uni's Clothing hasn't been having much business because you currently can't
dress your pet. Add taxes, rent, clothing orders and the expenses outweigh the
profit. Sponsor? I don't think so.
Week 39 - Gallery of Evil
A Good Sponsor: EEK! I mean... no.
Now, I don't know how much money Doctor Sloth really has, and I don't know
if the Ghost Lupe lives in a mansion. The only thing I DO know is that neither
of those characters I mentioned would think twice about HELPING a newspaper,
and the same goes for the rest of the evil denizens of Neopia. Have you ever
seen the Jelly Chia throw his coat down for a lady to step on? And have you
ever seen the Monocerous help an old woman across the street? I didn't think
so. The characters featured in the Gallery of Evil are just what the headline
says: Menaces to Neopia! Some sponsors!
Week 42 - Balthazar
A Good Sponsor: No way! Save the faeries! Whoever thought that someone so
cruel as to capture faeries and sell them would make a good sponsor for the
Neopian Times? Sure, he's probably rolling in NP, but his job is just so...cruel.
Oh well--anything for the life of literature, right?
Week 63 - Edna the Witch
A Good Sponsor: Er...no, Edna, I don't need you to love me.
I just don't get it. Why on earth would a witch sponsor a newspaper? Ever since
the spooky food shop opened, there's...well...not much need for her. Anything
you get from her quests, you can get from the spooky food shop for much cheaper.
So, that means less people are doing her quests. So, then, where does she get
the money to sponsor the Neopian Times? Looks like Edna needs someone
to love her.
The list goes on and on. Most of the people who volunteer to sponsor Neopia's
no. 1 news source, by logic, can't. Maybe they all have some secret money reserve?
Ah-ha! Yes, that's right! The potato farmer sells potatoes in Merifoods and
therefore gets money to sponsor the times. Ever wonder where the other half
of your score goes in MAGAX: Destroyer? That's right! Magax gets it! Ever wonder
why Uni's clothing always has about one or two items in stock? Because everyone
buys the clothes before you get there! The Gallery of Evil and Balthazar sponsor
the Times because there are so many articles about them! And Edna...well...there's
no alternate excuse for Edna, but whatever!
Okay, so maybe none of those possibilities are true, but there's a slight chance
that one or two of them might be. Hey, what do you think? If you have any suggestions
or ideas, be sure to let
me know! | 
